Author Topic: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't  (Read 153919 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

violinp

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3543
  • cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #480 on: October 23, 2011, 10:01:26 PM »
Don't forget that the candidate is also a proud homo sapiens!

I once saw a T-shirt on a college student advertising her school's drama program. It said, "We're thespians. Wanna watch?"

 ;D That's brilliant.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13665
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #481 on: October 24, 2011, 09:43:03 AM »
There is a trivia program called 'Reach for the Top' that features teams of high school students.  Way back when, I was watching from the audience - our team was up next in the taping - and the question was, 'Where would you find a thespian?'

One guy rang in and answered, 'Yonge Street,' which is an area in Toronto known for its night life.  The entire audience cracked right up, as did the host.  They had to halt taping until we all got it under control.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5169
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #482 on: October 24, 2011, 03:09:21 PM »
Don't forget that the candidate is also a proud homo sapiens!

I once saw a T-shirt on a college student advertising her school's drama program. It said, "We're thespians. Wanna watch?"

 ;D That's brilliant.

I've also seen "Us thespians do it on stage!"
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

lilfox

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1794
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #483 on: October 28, 2011, 05:41:27 PM »
The hazards of working with electrical supplies:

My colleague bought a cable with the wrong kind of connector, so she was advising me what we needed to fix the situation.  She held up the ends of the two cables that needed to be connected, and said "So these are both female..." to which I stated the obvious, "Oh right, female to female, that doesn't work."

Colleague has a serious girlfriend.  D'oh!

Dazi

  • like the flower
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4151
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #484 on: October 29, 2011, 09:40:26 PM »
I was talking to a guy I know.  He was all excited about his birthday present he was picking up after work... as it was a powertool.  I innocently asked what he getting. 

A polisher.

I.so.lost.it.  Tears rolling down my face hysterical laughing.

He told me to get my head out of the gutter.  :P
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





Diane AKA Traska

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4494
  • Or you can just call me Diane. (NE USA EHellion)
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #485 on: October 29, 2011, 11:40:56 PM »
I was talking to a guy I know.  He was all excited about his birthday present he was picking up after work... as it was a powertool.  I innocently asked what he getting. 

A polisher.

I.so.lost.it.  Tears rolling down my face hysterical laughing.

He told me to get my head out of the gutter.  :P

::Tries to restrain herself::
::Alas, fails::

Does he have some dull-looking doorknobs?
Location:
Philadelphia, PA

White Dragon

  • Formerly St Monica
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2502
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #486 on: October 29, 2011, 11:45:38 PM »
Me to coworker on Friday

"I stuffed your bins for you."

Yeah. So not what it sounds like...

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5169
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #487 on: November 03, 2011, 05:25:15 PM »
"Let me finish getting undressed, little girl."

Little girl = Banshee, 100 lb American Akita.

Dark Boyfriend was trying to take off his uniform so that she didn't get fur on it; she kept walking up to him and putting her head on his leg to be properly scratched.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Harriet Jones

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6615
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #488 on: November 03, 2011, 11:19:32 PM »
I was half-watching a show on knitting/crocheting and the episode's subject was granny squares.  The host of the show sounded like she said "It's time to get your granny on!"

exitzero

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 832
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #489 on: November 06, 2011, 08:03:53 AM »
For some reason, the automatic grocer store check out machine telling me to "Put your sweet onions on the belt" had me in fits of giggles last night.

PaintingPastelPrincess

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3430
  • She of 3 P's
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #490 on: November 06, 2011, 01:22:40 PM »
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Diane AKA Traska

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4494
  • Or you can just call me Diane. (NE USA EHellion)
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #491 on: November 06, 2011, 02:28:47 PM »
Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".
Location:
Philadelphia, PA

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5950
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #492 on: November 06, 2011, 02:39:01 PM »
I was in a small office with 3 other women (coworkers, no customers). One was on the phone, one at the computer and one had just picked up a stapler. Stapler lady tried to use it and it didn't work, so she was about to open it up and make sure it had staples. Right as she picked it up the lady at the computer said "Be careful with that thing. If you pull on it too hard it will fly up and hit you in the face." I'm proud to say I did not miss a beat with the "That's what he said."  ;D

Whenever a driver was waiting at the loading doors and the receiving clerk wasn't around to check him in the page would always go throughout the store "Joe, they need you for back door receiving!"

Nora

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3488
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #493 on: November 06, 2011, 03:40:24 PM »
"Be still! I'm trying to do you real good all over!"

Me to BF's Norwegian Forest Cat, Whiney, after trying to comb the crazy banshee every day for a week. Needless to say I lost that fight. Whiney still looks awful bushy, and I have a nice big scratch on my hand to remind me not to hold back a retreating cat.  ::)
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Slartibartfast

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11664
    • Nerdy Necklaces - my Etsy shop!
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #494 on: November 06, 2011, 04:06:15 PM »
This banner ad.

Also, a good friend's birthday was Friday.  His birthday present: a vasectomy.  So his wife does what any good semi-professional baker would do, and made a disturbingly realistic cake of a you-know-what with band-aids on it for our weekly get-together last night.  That pretty much set the tone for the comments of the evening - starting with "Mmm, I've always wanted your [you-know-what] in my mouth!" and going downhill from there.  He has a great sense of humor and loved every minute of it, though!