Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Mental Magpie]

This banner ad.

Also, a good friend's birthday was Friday.  His birthday present: a vasectomy.  So his wife does what any good semi-professional baker would do, and made a disturbingly realistic cake of a you-know-what with band-aids on it for our weekly get-together last night.  That pretty much set the tone for the comments of the evening - starting with "Mmm, I've always wanted your [you-know-what] in my mouth!" and going downhill from there.  He has a great sense of humor and loved every minute of it, though!

I like your friends!

[wendelenn]

On another ehell thread, mentioning sunspots/solar flares:

"Yup, coronal mass ejection tonight."

[PaintingPastelPrincess]

Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.    I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

[JenJay]

This banner ad.

"Roll over to see what you can do" LMAO!!!! That's awesome! I'm assuming it's supposed to turn into a clicky?

[Slartibartfast]

This banner ad.

"Roll over to see what you can do" LMAO!!!! That's awesome! I'm assuming it's supposed to turn into a clicky?

I assume the original was - I just saw the image file that I linked.

[baglady]

Our morris dance group has (a) several new female dancers and (b) a winter dance season coming up for which our kit is black trousers. I brought several pairs that no longer fit me to practice, hoping that they might fit the newbies. Many "getting in my pants" jokes ensued.

Bagman works for a mail-order company where they frequently use these air-filled plastic pouches -- called "bladders" -- as packing material. At least one co-worker frequently calls on him to help with a "bladder problem."

[lady_disdain]

I recently did several rush translation jobs, where the client literally needs the text for the next day. And many of those only sent their texts to me in the afternoon, so I had to pull a few all nighters to deliver the results. I was talking to a friend about this in a restaurant. She was wondering how I managed it (I work am self employed and a night owl, so it is simple). Of course, one of those weird silences happen just as I utter the words:

"Well, how often do you get paid $XXX for a night's work?"

The other patrons must either think I am a hooker or a crook.

[Irk Splee]

Back when I was in 9th/10th grade, I was a member of a club at the neighborhood library that met twice a month. The high school I attended at the time required a (quite frankly hideous) uniform, and on days when I had a club meeting, I didn't have enough time after school to get off at my bus stop, go home, get changed into street clothes, and then go to the library, so I'd just go to the meetings in my uniform. In 10th grade, after I'd been a member of the club for over year, I had my first day when a "casual dress" day at school overlapped with a club day, since that day was our in-school performance of the Christmas concert. So when I went to my club meeting, I was wearing a normal outfit - nothing special, just a sweater and some nice jeans, but it was something I would usually wear for a walk, unlike the uniform. I walked into the club room, and when one of the boys looked at me, the first words out of his mouth -

"Wow, Irk! I've never seen you wearing clothes before!"

It took a bit to make the room of 15-year-olds stop laughing.

[BabylonSister]

Public transportation for the Parisian area is under the general umbrella of the  Syndicat des Transports d'Ile-de-France:


STIF


It even says so on the ticket:

[NutMeg]

Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.    I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

I can't think of any situation in which the phrase "penetrating tight ends" make sense, but "tight end penetration" or "penetrating deep" are pretty common. I don't even notice any more. Which I didn't think was possible, because let's face it, that is really not something you expect to hear on TV in a serious tone of voice.

[Mental Magpie]

Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.    I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

I can't think of any situation in which the phrase "penetrating tight ends" make sense, but "tight end penetration" or "penetrating deep" are pretty common. I don't even notice any more. Which I didn't think was possible, because let's face it, that is really not something you expect to hear on TV in a serious tone of voice.

I think she meant "penetrating tight ends" as in tight ends that are doing the action of penetrating, not doing the action of penetrating to the tight ends. (That was hard to type with a straight face even though I tried to make it as technical sounding as I could).

[PaintingPastelPrincess]

Watching football* with my fiance equates to lots of me giggling over people penetrating tight ends (or similar).

*I don't really watch or understand the game.  I'm reading eHell while he watches.

Oh come on, you are totally "scrabblizing" a game where people who wear tight, stretchy pants and grope each other's buttocks act in ways that are in no way "scrabbly".

That's about what he said, but I think he was actually serious.    I lost it at "prepping the tight end" and got banned from the living room for the rest of the game.

I can't think of any situation in which the phrase "penetrating tight ends" make sense, but "tight end penetration" or "penetrating deep" are pretty common. I don't even notice any more. Which I didn't think was possible, because let's face it, that is really not something you expect to hear on TV in a serious tone of voice.

I think she meant "penetrating tight ends" as in tight ends that are doing the action of penetrating, not doing the action of penetrating to the tight ends. (That was hard to type with a straight face even though I tried to make it as technical sounding as I could).

LOL it could be any of those things...something about tight ends who are either penetrating or being penetrated.  I could have sworn there was some prepping happening but that may not have been the tight ends.  I imagine it'll eventually be background noise, but some dirty sounding phrase crops up every so often during a game and I start cracking up and get couch cushions thrown at my head.

[White Dragon]

Okay. I just had to post this.

I found this short story online. http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/DeatScra.shtml

It's called "Death by Scrabble". 

[Nikko-chan]

Well my friend got a new video game where one is an assassin and can kill people different ways. He said the following thing in regards to being able to murder people and dress in their uniforms to get closer to a target:

"I spent an entire level killing everyone and stripping them naked."

Yeah, I immediately told him I had to come here and post this in this thread.

[purplemuse]

"Let me finish getting undressed, little girl."

Little girl = Banshee, 100 lb American Akita.

Dark Boyfriend was trying to take off his uniform so that she didn't get fur on it; she kept walking up to him and putting her head on his leg to be properly scratched.

BIL has a brother with a dog that is female named "Little Guy." Someone asked him why a girl dog has that name, and he responded that he didn't think it would be appropriate to be running around the park calling "Come here Little Girl!"