A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Humor Me!

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

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Thipu1:
Some years ago, a friend and I were on line to pick up tickets to a concert.  A cellist from our home town was to be a featured soloist. 

As we waited, we chatted.  I was on line ahead of her and turned around so we could see each other while talking.  I was therefore in a position to see the face of the woman in line behind her.  Of course, our discussion turned to the cellist.  My friend was a teacher and had taught one of his children in her 4th Grade class.   

When she said, 'He's a lovely man.  I had his kid, you know'. you should have seen the face of the  lady behind us.  It was the living embodiment of 'gobsmacked'.   

Of course, 'having someone's kid' is just teacher-speak but not everyone knows that. 

ebrochu:
At our work, we have a Security company that we call if we have any alarms going off in the building. They call, and ask for a "Password number" Each higher up has one, and once this number is given, they can tell us what the alarm was for.

The name of the security company? Chubb Security

Well, I was in our back office, and my immediate manager was talking to a male co-worker, and Said to him "hey, do you have a chubb number??"

Cue me breaking down into hysterical giggles, and the guy looking at me laughing and saying "SOMEONE'S got a dirty mind!"



I'm sure we all know what Chubb is a euphemism for...

MizB:
When I was in high school I sang a duet with a friend of mine. The song was "Think of Me" from "The Phantom of the Opera." There is a point where I was finishing a line and he came in with "you've really changed your really not a bit the gawkish girl that once you were,"

No matter how enunciated the word bit always ended up rhyming with witch.

Midnight Kitty:
This incident happened while I was driving, DH was riding shotgun, and our friends, an older married couple were in the back seat.  They were trying to fasten their seatbelts.  Since we seldom have people riding in the back seat, the seatbelts tend to hide between/beneath the seat cushions.  They were helping each other accompanied by this conversation:

Him:  Did you find it?
Her:  Yes, now hold it up.
Him:  I've got it up.
Her:  It won't stay up.  Hold it firmer.
Him:  This is a firm as I can hold it.
Her:  I can't get it in.
Him:  Push harder.
Her:  Hold it up!
Him:  I'm holding!  Can you find the hole?
Her:  I can find it, I just can't get it in.

They went on and on, round and round, until I had to pull over because it wasn't safe to drive when I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. ;D

violinp:

--- Quote from: Midnight Kitty on February 21, 2013, 04:44:32 PM ---This incident happened while I was driving, DH was riding shotgun, and our friends, an older married couple were in the back seat.  They were trying to fasten their seatbelts.  Since we seldom have people riding in the back seat, the seatbelts tend to hide between/beneath the seat cushions.  They were helping each other accompanied by this conversation:

Him:  Did you find it?
Her:  Yes, now hold it up.
Him:  I've got it up.
Her:  It won't stay up.  Hold it firmer.
Him:  This is a firm as I can hold it.
Her:  I can't get it in.
Him:  Push harder.
Her:  Hold it up!
Him:  I'm holding!  Can you find the hole?
Her:  I can find it, I just can't get it in.

They went on and on, round and round, until I had to pull over because it wasn't safe to drive when I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. ;D

--- End quote ---

I would have too!  ;D

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