A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Humor Me!

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

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Dr. F.:
Me, at the hardware store today:

Nice young male assistant: "Can I help you?"

Me: "Yes, I need a longish screw"

<weird pause as we both realize what I just said>

Me: "I mean, I'm looking for a 5-6" long wood screw to repair a wooden fence"

He refrained from giggling until he was no longer within hearing distance, at least.

MizB:
Background: I filled in at another location within my company yesterday. The layout and features of this location is quite different than the one I am currently in.

I was telling some coworkers how different the store I filled in at last night was from our store. One of the big things is that the counters are much higher. As I described how much higher the counters are I mimed where the counter hit me on my body, which happens to be right under "the ladies."

A male coworker who was part of the discussion said as I showed them where they hit me, said "I would love it if ours stopped there." We all busted up laughing at what it sounded like he said.

He quickly back tracked and said that he meant it would be nice if the counters were taller as ours are relatively short and being a tall guy its uncomfortable.

WolfWay:
A friend of mine asked her dad to "pick up a couple of pairs of suspenders" for her the next time he went to the shops.

He blushed furiously, said he wasn't sure what sort of size or style to get her, and rather desperately tried to suggest that perhaps she should ask her mum to do that sort of thing. Friend was baffled by his response, and "Oh just some plain black ones will do fine, and I'm pretty sure they're adjustable one-size-fits-all kind of things, aren't they?".

The mutual confusion was sorted out when both of them figured out that while she meant "elasticated braces for men, that hold up your trousers and go over your shoulders", he though she meant "lacy underthings for ladies that hold up your stockings".

Tsaiko:
I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

Slartibartfast:

--- Quote from: Tsaiko on November 09, 2013, 07:15:23 PM ---I am taking online lessons in Spanish through a website. I had multiple years of Spanish in HS, but that was *mumblemumble* years ago. So I'm starting from the beginning both as a refresher and because I have forgotten so much.

The lessons I'm currently working on is food. This includes the Spanish word huevos, or eggs. The problem is that I am well aware that huevos is also slang for a man's testicles. In fact, my Spanish teacher in HS made a point of teaching us alternate ways of saying ordering eggs because it could be a problem in some countries. I completely failed one of the modules on food -twice!- because I was laughing so hard at the various sentences about men and women eating, well, huevos.

I know they mean eggs. I know they do. But to my still 12 year old mind, it sound so wrong.

--- End quote ---

I can just imagine the English equivalent - complimenting a man on his tasty nuts?  Asking how heavy his nuts are?  Asking if he will share his nuts with you?

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