News: IMPORTANT UPDATE REGARDING SITE IN FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT FOLDER.

  • May 21, 2018, 02:02:07 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't  (Read 377986 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #720 on: March 29, 2014, 07:44:40 PM »
Heard from the other room:

"Ohhhh YEAH!! OHHH that feels GOOD! Awww YEAH!! OOH YES! AWWWWWWWWW yeahhhhhhhh!"

The source? My middle child (11).  The reason? Oldest child (nearly 13) had Littlest Pirate walking on Middle Pirate's back as he laid on the floor.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

mmswm

  • Member
  • Posts: 2293
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #721 on: April 13, 2014, 09:30:22 PM »
Talking about my dog and the fact that he barks at everybody who comes to the house with a "Hi, I'm the big dog in charge, so don't mess with my family" tone, and the fact that I have one male friend who he never barked at.

My 11 year old pipes up, "Well maybe Baxter smelled <friend> on you before so he recognized him the first time he met him."

This would be totally innocent on his part, especially considering he was unaware that <friend> and I haven't always had a purely platonic friendship.  A different friend was in the kitchen at the time and just looked at me and we both busted out laughing.  My child could not figure out what was so funny.  We didn't enlighten him.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Esther_bunny

  • Member
  • Posts: 2843
  • Life is too short for cheap chocolate!
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #722 on: October 11, 2014, 03:49:18 AM »
Me (female) too a fellow cosmetology student (male) while I was washing his hair: You want me to blow you?
 ( meaning blow dry his hair)

Didnt even phase us for a few seconds.

mmswm

  • Member
  • Posts: 2293
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #723 on: August 26, 2015, 01:16:57 AM »
Wow, it's been a long time since anybody's posted on this thread, but I have one that's perfect for it, so I'll revive it.

Currently I have a whole bunch of tabs open in my browser so of course the entire title of the tabs aren't showing.  Several of the tabs are for three blog posts, one each by a doctor, a lawyer and a statistician, all reviewing the same book.  The book is about two specific people and their actions.  I'm leaving out as many details as possible because I don't want to start a debate.  What I can't leave out is the name of one of the subjects of the book; a man named BJ Hooker.

So, the part of the title that's currently showing on that tab?  BJ Hooker and Will...

That first guy really does have an unfortunate name.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Gladly

  • Member
  • Posts: 195
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #724 on: September 23, 2015, 09:10:36 AM »
On a camping trip with DH.  It's dark, about 10.30pm and the whole campsite is now quiet.

DH: I can't get in.
Me: What?
DH: I can't get in properly
(pause)
Me: Does that help?
DH: No
ME: What about that?
DH:  Yes, Yes! Keep doing that! Oh! That feels so much better!
After another pause, we both collapse in giggles, realising how voices carry on a camp site, and what we have just been saying.

Those with pure minds may well have realised he was having trouble getting into his new sleeping bag!   >:D

AliciaLynette

  • Member
  • Posts: 226
  • fanfiction.net: OrnateDragon
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #725 on: April 22, 2016, 03:55:39 PM »
Something that never fails to cause giggles from a group of my friends, and odd looks from others in the pub overhearing us:

Male friend, to me: May I stick my plug in your socket?



Context: We're all techy geeks, who instead of sitting at home on our computers meet in the pub twice a month (two separate pubs/groups although most of the members are the same).  I am not as techy as the others, but I usually supply the four-way power strip to plug into the wall therefore they ask me if it's ok to use it!  5 or so young men, asking if they can stick their plugs into a fairly busty girl's socket!! 
Of course, being all fairly dirty-minded individuals, this is not the only time we dress up phrases to sound dirty, almost everything we say is usually construed to be naughty!
Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners.
Author Unknown

dawnfire

  • Member
  • Posts: 846
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #726 on: April 25, 2016, 03:48:57 AM »
 This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY
Whittlesea Victoria

Marga

  • Member
  • Posts: 347
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #727 on: April 25, 2016, 05:10:41 AM »
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

Harriet Jones

  • Member
  • Posts: 8892
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #728 on: April 25, 2016, 05:51:46 AM »
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

greencat

  • Member
  • Posts: 3899
  • Trap...Neuter...What was that third thing again?
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #729 on: April 25, 2016, 12:33:01 PM »
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

jpcher

  • Member
  • Posts: 10435
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #730 on: April 25, 2016, 05:04:10 PM »
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

Curious -- what's the publication date?

greencat

  • Member
  • Posts: 3899
  • Trap...Neuter...What was that third thing again?
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #731 on: April 25, 2016, 05:31:37 PM »
This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

Curious -- what's the publication date?

The original run was April 2014.  I kickstarted a second print run last year.

Gladly

  • Member
  • Posts: 195
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #732 on: May 17, 2016, 10:08:44 AM »
I can't remember if I've posted this before. 

Male friend:  Guess what?
Me: What?
MF: I'm getting a new organ!
Me: Is it a plug in organ or a pump up organ?

In my defence, I was very tired that evening, but I could have phrased the question better!

Esther_bunny

  • Member
  • Posts: 2843
  • Life is too short for cheap chocolate!
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #733 on: February 16, 2017, 07:40:52 PM »
Wow, it's been a long time since anybody's posted on this thread, but I have one that's perfect for it, so I'll revive it.

Currently I have a whole bunch of tabs open in my browser so of course the entire title of the tabs aren't showing.  Several of the tabs are for three blog posts, one each by a doctor, a lawyer and a statistician, all reviewing the same book.  The book is about two specific people and their actions.  I'm leaving out as many details as possible because I don't want to start a debate.  What I can't leave out is the name of one of the subjects of the book; a man named BJ Hooker.

So, the part of the title that's currently showing on that tab?  BJ Hooker and Will...

That first guy really does have an unfortunate name.

When I worked at a bookstore over 20 years ago, an author named Ben Dover was doing a reading.

wonderfullyanonymous

  • Member
  • Posts: 2075
Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #734 on: March 17, 2017, 07:04:27 PM »
Oh dear Lord, I'm not even sure why I just remembered this, but it definitely fits in this category.

During one of my hospital stays, my friend came to visit me. Now, she, my DF and I are all diabetics. I was getting my blood tested my a very sweet young man. My friend starts talking about the blood test pokers. How the ones in the hospital don't seem to hurt as bad as the pokers for our home blood monitors. I am trying to behave myself, because I went into 13 y/o boy mode, because that's what happens to my brain. She finally says to me, do you like his little poker? I said, I don't know, I've never seen his little poker. Cue raucous immature laughter from all of us, me apologizing to my blood tester, who said not to worry about it, because it was funny.

My friend says to my, "Only you."

I said, "It's not my fault, you started it."