Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Layla Miller]

My dad was at a botanical gardens in CA when a woman on the tour went ballistic on the tour guide, insisting he refer to male pea-birds as "pea roosters." She didn't want her children hearing "dirty words."

Better keep them away from the Cockatoos!

A-hem.  You do mean Roosteratoos, right? 

[Alida]

I reviewed a claim for "quick female couplings" today.  Yes, I giggled. Sometimes, I'm really twelve.

[Slartibartfast]

Thought of this thread tonight while trying not to giggle madly during our choir dress rehearsal.  In one particular passage of music, the altos sing very low in our register and the basses sing very high in theirs, so the parts overlap.  Our director was trying to get the altos to sing more in their "chest voice" and the basses to sing more in their "head voice."  Except she told the basses they needed to "give us more head."

I wasn't the only one turning purple to keep from giggling 

[Jolie_kitten]

On a certain message board, there was a filter replacing authomatically offensive words with less offensive synonimes.
So, people were talking about old movies aand someone mentioned the actor D i c k Van D y k e. What came out when posted, however, was "Pen is  Van  Les bi an". 

[SkyTalon]

I reviewed a claim for "quick female couplings" today.  Yes, I giggled. Sometimes, I'm really twelve.

Truth is, we all stop maturing at the age of twelve, and just fake it for the rest of our lives.

[Fliss]

One that sends me over the edge is when I hear or read about an American "rooting" for something.

Totally different meaning in Australia.

Can't remember if I've posted this story before, but here goes:

In '98, an American actress was at an Oz convention with her Brit husband. Someone asked what sports team she liked.

Her quote: "I root for the New York Yankees."

Dead silence for 10 seconds, then hysterical laughter from 5000 Australians. Her husband rushes up, pulls her away from the mike, and mutters furiously to her. She turns back, face red, and loudly says "barrack! I mean barrack!"

[Kimblee]

My dad was at a botanical gardens in CA when a woman on the tour went ballistic on the tour guide, insisting he refer to male pea-birds as "pea roosters." She didn't want her children hearing "dirty words."

Better keep them away from the Cockatoos!

A-hem.  You do mean Roosteratoos, right? 

I had seveal breeding pairs of cockatiels at one time, and a little girl was at our house looking at one of my new babies. (She was beautifully behaved, this is NOT a brat story. ) She was telling me about her father's cockatoo at home, and how it sometimes sits on the arm of the couch and lets her play with it and pet it. (At which point I realized WHY she was so good at "pet gently" when no other tiny child I have been around has been... she was pre-trained.) So then she tells me how pretty my birds are, and how excited she is that one of them is going home with her.

Then she chirps "I just LOVE c**ks!"

I remarkably refrained from laughing and agreed that birds are lovely. Her father had to clear sweet tea from his nose. I hope he explains to her that she might wanna rethink how she phrases that. (For the record, the bird she took home is still her loving pet, and she will be starting Junior High next year... I feel OLD!)

[Carnation]

So, people were talking about old movies aand someone mentioned the actor D i c k Van D y k e. What came out when posted, however, was "Pen is  Van  Les bi an". 

Years ago, on a talk show, Mary Tyler Moore joked that this was D.Van Dy-ke's original name before it was changed when he got into show business.

[extranormal]

I'm well into my 40s and still get the giggles when hockey announcers say the puck goes "off [Player's] stick." They just don't have time to enunciate that into non-filthiness. Sometimes they try, "Off the stick of [Player]," but that just ruins it for us all. 

[Diane AKA Traska]

"Back pressure"
"Stick handling"
"He has soft hands"
"Two on one play"
"Five hole"

Hockey's full of 'em.
(Go Flyers!)

[M-theory]

Randomly saw a label earlier: "Maximum length in minimum time." I did a double-take, although it turned out to be shampoo.

[Clara Bow]

Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.

[MizB]

Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.

Why do you have to hold your breath to match patient respiration?

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.

BWAHAHAHA!  That one nearly made ME blush!

[Clara Bow]

Every third phrase in medicine is filthy.

"Firmy grasp shaft and advance slowly, pausing for patient comfort"....."Rotate on withdrawal"...."Hold your breath throughout insertion to match patient respiration"......

Trach care and suction...teehee.

Why do you have to hold your breath to match patient respiration?

While the suction tube is down your trach, you cannot breathe. We hold our breath to make sure we don't leave you hanging...it's one of those things they taught us to make sure we didn't forget how the patient felt while you were suctioning. It's scary to not be able to breathe.