I have so much love for this thread
I play in a couple of community bands and our musical director is the master of the well-timed double-entendre without actually having any idea that he's doing it. It's brilliant - he comes out with this stuff then carries on without missing a beat, leaving the rest of us rolling in the aisles and him completely oblivious as to what he's just said. A few of my favourites:
- on complimenting the trumpet section on coming in at the right time/volume "That's what I like - a nice firm entrance!"
- on maneuvering a tuba into a cupboard: "Do you think it'll fit better if we put the bell end in first?"
- and don't even get me started on the trombone section, which with its slides, bells and abbreviation to 'bones' is just a veritable minefield of innuendo that happens at least once a week.
- ETA: And I forgot the best one, my personal favourite: Last week, we discovered that there's no difference in the speed required between fingering and tongueing.
Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all. Still, it makes rehearsals interesting