Author Topic: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't  (Read 157424 times)

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Ferrets

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #150 on: May 08, 2010, 04:16:28 PM »
My dad was asking if I knew where he could get hold of a decent graphics editing program; I sent him a link to the GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program) freeware.

One of the several definitions of the word being that of a certain participant in S&M Scrabble activity, my inner twelve-year-old cracked up when my mum quite innocently persisted in referring to it as "That gimp you sent your father..."  

(She demanded to know why I was sniggering; I replied that she wasn't old enough to be told. ;))

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #151 on: May 09, 2010, 02:02:41 PM »
Oh, I'm using GIMP.  Does this make me a photo editing dominatrix? :P
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purplemuse

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #152 on: May 16, 2010, 05:26:18 PM »
That was what we used to call that plastic lacing you make bracelets out of  :o

Miss Vertigo

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #153 on: May 16, 2010, 06:25:54 PM »
I have so much love for this thread  ;D

I play in a couple of community bands and our musical director is the master of the well-timed double-entendre without actually having any idea that he's doing it. It's brilliant - he comes out with this stuff then carries on without missing a beat, leaving the rest of us rolling in the aisles and him completely oblivious as to what he's just said.  A few of my favourites:

- on complimenting the trumpet section on coming in at the right time/volume "That's what I like - a nice firm entrance!"

- on maneuvering a tuba into a cupboard: "Do you think it'll fit better if we put the bell end in first?"

- and don't even get me started on the trombone section, which with its slides, bells and abbreviation to 'bones' is just a veritable minefield of innuendo that happens at least once a week.

- ETA: And I forgot the best one, my personal favourite: Last week, we discovered that there's no difference in the speed required between fingering and tongueing.

Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all. Still, it makes rehearsals interesting  ;D

« Last Edit: May 17, 2010, 03:13:47 AM by Miss Vertigo »

MizB

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #154 on: May 16, 2010, 06:40:04 PM »
Miss Vertigo, I'll have to eventually pm you how I personally describe dissonance, although I do it on purpose, and also what my former choir director said about cadences. Well, that is if you want to know lol.
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797

Miss Vertigo

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #155 on: May 16, 2010, 06:47:28 PM »
Miss Vertigo, I'll have to eventually pm you how I personally describe dissonance, although I do it on purpose, and also what my former choir director said about cadences. Well, that is if you want to know lol.

Haha, I totally want to know now!!!


Jolie_kitten

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #156 on: June 01, 2010, 02:20:58 PM »
On someone's facebook status:
"Amazing how sexual carpentry is - screw, hardwood, tool, strip, nail"... Can you think of any more?
and replies:
"-bang the nail hard 2 make sure its in deeply ;-)"
"-Put your caulk in my crack"
 :P :P :P :P :P
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Jolie_kitten

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Ferrets

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #158 on: June 01, 2010, 04:09:06 PM »
We are in the middle of some major physical reorganisation of the office at work. I - happy as a pig in muck at this rare opportunity to be paid for wielding tools and disassembling/reassembling stuff - have lately been spending a great deal of my workday prowling about, screwdriver in hand, hunting for the next target.

Boss: "Ferrets, you might as well try and get some [normal] work done for the next half-hour. We can't do anything further till the lads come off tea-break and start shifting the filing cabinets."   

Me: "C'mon, I'm just desperate to screw something!"

Boss: "Easy, tiger."

Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all.

;D Isn't it just!

One classic from our choir conductor was: "Ladies: brace yourselves for the tenors' entry!"

Miss Vertigo

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #159 on: June 01, 2010, 04:17:22 PM »

Musicianship, I tell ya, it's a hotbed of filth that isn't really filth at all.

;D Isn't it just!

One classic from our choir conductor was: "Ladies: brace yourselves for the tenors' entry!"

Oh, that's marvellous. We've not had that one yet. When we do, no doubt it'll be the trombones' entry. *winces*

BTW, may I please applaud you wildly for having a quote from The Bailey in your sig line? Win.

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #160 on: June 06, 2010, 10:32:27 AM »
Found on the net:

TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T:

    10. I need to whip it out by 5.   
    9. Mind if I use your laptop?   
    8. Just stick it in my box.   
    7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!   
    6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
    5. Hmmmmmm... I think it's out of fluid!
    4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
    3. It's an entry-level position.
    2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?


    1. It's not fair, I do all the work while he just sits   there!

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T:   

    10. Nuts... my shaft is bent.   
    9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.   
    8. You really whacked the hell out of that s u c k e r.   
    7. Look at the size of his putter.   
    6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.   
    5. Mind if I join your threesome?   
    4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.   
    3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 
    2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be   desired.

    1. Hold up... I need to wash my balls first.

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T:

    10. Have you looked through her briefs?
    9. He is one hard judge!
    8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
    7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
    6. Is it a penal offense?
    5 .Better leave the handcuffs on.   
    4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!   
    3. Can you get him to drop his suit?   
    2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

    1. Think you can get me off?
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Sirius

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #161 on: June 08, 2010, 02:36:52 AM »
The first time I typed an operation that called for the Jamshidi needle I didn't believe what I was hearing.  Strangely enough, the lead transcriptionist knew exactly what it was I didn't believe I was hearing.

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #162 on: June 08, 2010, 04:25:40 PM »

"Back pressure"
"Stick handling"
"He has soft hands"
"Two on one play"
"Five hole"

Hockey's full of 'em.
(Go FlyersHawks!)

Fixed that for you.   ;) :P


Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #163 on: June 08, 2010, 04:33:14 PM »
Heh.  Flyers in 7.  It's going to come here for game 6, then back to Chicago for game 7, then back here for the parade.

This is the year of Orange and Black.

Let's Go Flyers.  =D
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2littlemonkeys

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #164 on: June 08, 2010, 04:40:26 PM »
Heh.  Flyers in 7.  It's going to come here for game 6, then back to Chicago for game 7, then back here for the parade.

This is the year of Orange and Black.

Let's Go Flyers.  =D

 ;D