Author Topic: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't  (Read 179075 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #510 on: January 05, 2012, 02:47:57 PM »
"Let me finish getting undressed, little girl."

Little girl = Banshee, 100 lb American Akita.

Dark Boyfriend was trying to take off his uniform so that she didn't get fur on it; she kept walking up to him and putting her head on his leg to be properly scratched.

BIL has a brother with a dog that is female named "Little Guy." Someone asked him why a girl dog has that name, and he responded that he didn't think it would be appropriate to be running around the park calling "Come here Little Girl!"

 ;D  I'll be telling Dark Boyfriend this when he wakes up; I hope he gets a good laugh out of it like I did.

Also, my dad, in his early 20s, purposefully named his dog Stains...
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

blueberrypancakes

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #511 on: January 16, 2012, 10:03:16 PM »
I have a tendency to nibble my food, and my boyfriend is known far and wide for being a Hoover.  He was in the mood for steak the other night, and ordered a 30 oz sirloin while I had a 8 oz filet.  He said, "I bet you'll have only eaten half your steak by the time I'm done with mine," and I replied "oh, I know, I'm getting used to you finishing before me."  Oh dear, the look on his face was PRICELESS.   :D

amylouky

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #512 on: January 16, 2012, 10:10:14 PM »
Naive 16 year old me, to 20 something male coworker: Oh, come on.. pulling it off is boring.. it's more fun to blow it off!

I was talking about the paper straw wrapper. It took me a while to realize why he burst out laughing.

NyaChan

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #513 on: January 16, 2012, 10:53:43 PM »
The BJ rule from Business Enterprises class in law school caused me much embarrassment -  I was studying in a coffee shop with a friend in very close quarters to a man working on his computer at the table next to us.  The man asked me for help with his computer and I fixed a Word setting for him and noticed that he had a New Testament quote up.  He thanked me and went back to work.  So my friend and I were joking around a little about the BJ rule (which is in reality pretty boring in comparison to the name) to ease the pain of finals as we studied.  Apparently we were a bit too loud with the BJ Rule jokes because when the man got up to go, he turned to us and explained that he was a minister for a nearby local church.  He handed us his card, said that we could really benefit from the services & hoped to see us there.   :-[

Nikko-chan

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #514 on: January 19, 2012, 10:18:32 PM »
A few gems from last night (note: these don't sound dirty... but out of context they just sound plain wrong):

"You are addicted to speed, and so am I!"

"Speed is addicting!"

The speed my friend was referring too? A card game.

Sirius

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #515 on: January 20, 2012, 05:22:50 PM »
I don't remember if I told about this one here, but if I did y'all can laugh again.

On two different occasions I ended up driving behind a bus with this sign on the back:

F (name of town that begins with F)
Area
Rapid
Transit

The bolded letter were also bolded on the sign.  I nearly ran in the ditch, I was laughing so hard.

(I only saw these signs for a short period of time.  The name of the bus company was subsequently changed to FBC.  Apparently someone finally figured out why people kept laughing and pointing at their buses.


baglady

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #516 on: January 24, 2012, 09:37:14 PM »
I don't remember if I told about this one here, but if I did y'all can laugh again.

On two different occasions I ended up driving behind a bus with this sign on the back:

F (name of town that begins with F)
Area
Rapid
Transit

The bolded letter were also bolded on the sign.  I nearly ran in the ditch, I was laughing so hard.

(I only saw these signs for a short period of time.  The name of the bus company was subsequently changed to FBC.  Apparently someone finally figured out why people kept laughing and pointing at their buses.

In Dan Rather's memoir, he says the college he went to -- Sam Houston State Teachers College -- was originally called Sam Houston Institute for Teachers until students started wearing the initials. I think he might have been pulling our leg, though. According to Wikipedia, the school never had a name whose initials spelled ... well, you know.
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Harriet Jones

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #517 on: January 25, 2012, 01:46:30 PM »
The sign in front of Burger King "Taste our new bacon".  That's what *she* said.  ;)

Mental Magpie

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #518 on: January 26, 2012, 02:03:55 PM »
"Oh, you're such a dirty girl...you're so dirty....oh, you like that, don't you?  Yes, you do."

Oh, come on, perverts, I was giving my dog a bath!  She likes her chest rubbed!  Get your brains out of the gutter!
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Nikko-chan

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #519 on: January 27, 2012, 12:09:34 AM »
*snicker* Okay, Dark Magdalena, if my laughing wakes up my mom are you going to explain to her why I was laughing?

Mental Magpie

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #520 on: January 27, 2012, 09:53:54 AM »
*snicker* Okay, Dark Magdalena, if my laughing wakes up my mom are you going to explain to her why I was laughing?

I'll try to explain to her why you think dog baths are funny, but I'm not quite sure she'll understand... ;D
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Elfmama

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #521 on: January 27, 2012, 02:16:56 PM »
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #522 on: January 27, 2012, 02:27:52 PM »
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.

I always point out that!  "Go to school to get an infection!"  I thought I was the only one that noticed...
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Elfmama

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #523 on: January 27, 2012, 04:48:29 PM »
There is an online (?) university that advertises on cable TV.  Universal Technical Institute.  And yes, more that once in the commercial they talk about UTI.

I always point out that!  "Go to school to get an infection!"  I thought I was the only one that noticed...
All I can think is that they have no women on staff or associated with them in any way, or the ones they have are very lucky and have never had a urinary tract infection.
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White Dragon

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Re: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
« Reply #524 on: January 27, 2012, 05:08:33 PM »
Conversation with DH as we drove home last night.

Him "So I spent the day teaching a contractor about head."
Me  :o
Him "It's all about how many inches you have."
 :P

Apparently, they were working on a water plant and were talking about how many inches of water to create a particular water pressure (or head...)