Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[violinp]

I was talking about the functions of two male characters on a TV show, and I said, "They're both bananas!" (referencing the term second banana). Only after I said it did I realize how dirty (and funny) that was.   

[Julia Mercer]

http://theworststuffever.com/post/22590860025

Teehee!

[Mental Magpie]

http://theworststuffever.com/post/22590860025

Teehee!

Haha!

[Julia Mercer]

http://worklols.com/post/25435257971/smooth-shafts-and-clean-balls

[Jess13]

I just thought of two from a previous job, I used to work customer service for a manufacturing plant.

I was in a conversation with a customer, describing to me the parts of his valve. See, it was malfunctioning and he needed replacement innards. He kept describing to me the innards of our 5 inch valve but swearing they had a 6 inch valve installed, which had different internal parts.

"Are you sure you have a 6 inch one there, because it sure sounds like a 5 inch one to me!"

The entire office then burst out laughing.


Also the time I took a call for a replacement part on a large valve and when the customer told me what happened I blurted out:

"You sheared off your testc*ck? I don't want to know how you managed to do that, do I?"

(Mods, I hope the asterisk is ok, I know that word is usually filtered, but it's a legit part and part of the punchline...

[Sirius]

This morning I made the observation, "I notice a distinct lack of Wood this morning."  I was referring to the fact that the neuroradiologist, Dr. Wood, didn't appear to be present and dictating.  Once Mr. Sirius stopped laughing he assured me he knew what I was talking about.

[White Dragon]

Somebody sent me this list of Olympic bloopers today. They all fall into this category!

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from  Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian wingadingdingies is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven wingadingdingies on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...
   [redacted], what have I just said?"
 
 
 
 

[stkatie00]

During a discussion about being home with my 8 month old twins all day, and sometimes needing to leave after DH gets home, the following gem was said by my friend: "That makes total sense, since their double teaming you all day!" 

[CrochetFanatic]

A "dickey".  Otherwise known as a false shirtfront.  It's also another name for a "rumble seat" (didn't know that until I looked up "dickey", lol), which is a word that usually prompts my brother to make a flatulence joke. 

[Awestruck Shmuck]

well, I asked my boss where he wanted his 'small tool' put!! (for the record, I have been told, and assured, and reassured that this is *actually* what it is called and I am now the sole female in a construction company, but to say that in a room full of men was a stupid, stupid move!!).

Not to worry, I topped that foible on the same day. I ordered  UV protective 'skins' (essentially long-sleeved,cool protective t-shirts for the summer months) for our foremen. I was already embarrassed, and a bit groggy (wisdom teeth pain, took some pain killers and they always hit me pretty hard)...Anyway, I mixed up the words..Foreman, skins, I'll leave you to imagine what I said to create possibly THE most embarrassing moment of my life. 

Fortunatly the guys I work with are awesome. I chose to die laughing, instead of plain ol' die, and they had a huuuuge laugh, then forgot about it. But my boss is making me deliver the skins to site, just in case anyone forgets my gaff!!!

[LadyClaire]

Today one of my co-workers was talking about one of those extreme course things where they crawl through mud and under barbed wire and so forth. I was only half listening, as she was mainly talking to a different co-worker about it, when my ear caught this part of their conversation: "I think it's about eight inches or so. But I don't understand how you're supposed to fit, unless you get lubed up really well..."

I whipped around and said "wait, WHAT??"

Turns out she was talking about the gap under some obstacle they're supposed to squeeze through.

[Piratelvr1121]

A review of "Labyrinth" made me look at one (well many) line of the movie in a whole new light.  Sarah says to Hoggle, "Just take me as far as you can, and I'll finish it by myself!" She means, of course, the labyrinth, but the reviewer jokes "That's what she said!"

And another one. Dh has a hiring fair coming up not this weekend, but next, and one of the companies he's scheduled to interview with? Siemens.  Yes, I am having a hard time trying not to giggle at that.

[greencat]

One of my friends plays the trading card game Magic: The Gathering on a regular basis.  The company that makes the game keeps track of how well players do in events that it runs.  This tally is called "Planeswalker Points."  He posted something about the page that lists them...only he referred to it as the "PWP page."  Some of you already know why that sounds dirty but isn't, but in case you don't: my brain nearly sprung a leak, because I read a lot of fan fiction, and when you see PWP listed in the description of a fan fiction piece, it's err, erotic material without a plot.

[alegria]

A review of "Labyrinth" made me look at one (well many) line of the movie in a whole new light.  Sarah says to Hoggle, "Just take me as far as you can, and I'll finish it by myself!" She means, of course, the labyrinth, but the reviewer jokes "That's what she said!"

I'd rather have Jareth to help finish... 

[Tsaiko]

One of my friends plays the trading card game Magic: The Gathering on a regular basis.  The company that makes the game keeps track of how well players do in events that it runs.  This tally is called "Planeswalker Points."  He posted something about the page that lists them...only he referred to it as the "PWP page."  Some of you already know why that sounds dirty but isn't, but in case you don't: my brain nearly sprung a leak, because I read a lot of fan fiction, and when you see PWP listed in the description of a fan fiction piece, it's err, erotic material without a plot.

I had something similar happen in my terrestrial paleontology class, only we were referring to one of the Pliocene warm period. I thought I was going to have to excuse myself from the classroom when the professor announced that "The PWP is a good analogue for the future." How I managed to keep a straight face, I'll never know.