Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[violinp]

Another choir post:

We were having trouble pronouncing end consonants, and our choir director said: "It's words of hope! Not words of ho!"

I still don't know how I kept a straight face the rest of rehearsal.

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene?

*ducks and runs very, very far*

   

[Luci]

Another choir post:

We were having trouble pronouncing end consonants, and our choir director said: "It's words of hope! Not words of ho!"

I still don't know how I kept a straight face the rest of rehearsal.

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene?

*ducks and runs very, very far*

Probably a good plan! I won't tell...........................

[CakeBeret]

A few weeks ago, DH and I were at dinner with a friend,  Kenny. I had a box of leftovers, which I accidentally left on the far side of the table. As we were leaving I noticed it and, as Kenny was in between me and the leftovers, I put my arm around him and said "Kenny, will you please grab my box?" There was a split second of silence before all three of us were howling with laughter.

[JonGirl]

A few weeks ago, DH and I were at dinner with a friend,  Kenny. I had a box of leftovers, which I accidentally left on the far side of the table. As we were leaving I noticed it and, as Kenny was in between me and the leftovers, I put my arm around him and said "Kenny, will you please grab my box?" There was a split second of silence before all three of us were howling with laughter.

    

[CrochetFanatic]

Today (yesterday?  Stupid insomnia...) my brother was looking for the charger to his phone, and he said, "I can't find my thingie."  Cue a beat of silence, then uproarious laughter from both and teasing from big sis. 

[LadyClaire]

A few weeks ago, DH and I were at dinner with a friend,  Kenny. I had a box of leftovers, which I accidentally left on the far side of the table. As we were leaving I noticed it and, as Kenny was in between me and the leftovers, I put my arm around him and said "Kenny, will you please grab my box?" There was a split second of silence before all three of us were howling with laughter.

We have two chefs in our cafeteria at work. One of them is hooked on those Monster energy drinks.

One day as they were closing up and I was in the cafeteria finishing my lunch, the one cafeteria guy turned to the other and said "Hey, Chris, could you grab my monster for me?"

I teased them endlessly over that.

[hermanne]

Yesterday while getting the turkey ready to put in the oven, I called to DH, "I need you to stick your probe in!"

DH: "Oh?..." 

I meant the thermometer probe into the turkey!

[White Dragon]

Turns out that one term for the flap of skin on the underside of the elbow is 'weenis'.

Cue the entire family comparing their skin flaps and making jokes about 'weenis envy'.

[ladyknight1]

My co-worker ML walked to my office today to say "I'm going to be banging in my office for a while, so don't worry, I'm okay."

  

ML was hanging up pictures in her office. I was accused of having a dirty mind. Guilty as charged! 

[violinp]

My poor music director...

Several years ago, before I started attending my now home church, Music Director put a sign over the binder shelves:

Singers:
They're all the same; just grab one.

And, furiously scribbled under that was: "The binders, I mean. Not the singers."

It's given so many giggles that we've just left it up there for a decade (at least).

[Piratelvr1121]

I heard one on Ellen today, as she was talking to Wanda Sykes, who is just hilarious.   Wanda's married to a French woman and their kids mostly speak French and she said there are some French words that just don't sound very nice to American ears.  Like "Seal"  It is not spelled the same but it sounds like the four letter word that begins with "F". 

Ellen said "So just don't get them a seal"

Well apparently Wanda and her wife took the kids to the Long Beach Aquarium and the kids started saying "Look mom, phoque!! Phoque, mama!!" Course the kids are little and innocent and have no idea what the Americans think they're saying but their family's getting these dirty looks cause these kids sound like they're saying "f***"

I just about died laughing as she was telling this. Talk about things that sound dirty but aren't.

[greencat]

I learned that one sometime around my freshman year of high school - somewhere, there is a T-Shirt emblazoned with the many sayings we came up with to swear with our teachers if not clueless, at least able to have plausible deniability

[Lady Snowdon]

My team is in a contest with another team to see who can improve their metrics the best over the next thirty days.  Each team has a bell to ring (ours in a bicycle bell) each time someone hits their goal.  The bell is on a pillar that supports four cubes - mine is one of those four.

Two days ago, a coworker of mine leaned over and said, very softly, "LadySnowdon, would you mind ringing my bell for me?"    I stared at her in shock for a moment (as I processed what she actually meant) then started laughing as I said, "Ohmigosh Tammy, it sounds just terrible when you say it like that!".  It took her a second to get it, and then both of us were just about hysterical.  After a few minutes to get our breath back, she leaned over again and said, "LadySnowdon, would you mind ringing *the* bell for me?" and I said sure through my giggles.  I got up, rung the bell and said, "There you go Tammy, I rang your bell for you".  She shimmied in her seat a little and thanked me.    

[White Dragon]

We're having a tree-decorating contest at work.
I happen to be the only female in my zone.

I brought in some prospective ornaments yesterday and showed them to coworker "Hey, do you want to see my balls?"

Yeah, that got some attention!

[Piratelvr1121]

I stumbled across something funny recently that your post reminded me of.  Ellen DeGeneres used to have a segment of her show that lasted all of 3 days called "Can Andy Say That?" which consisted of her asking her co-producer Andy Lassner to say things that sounded dirty but weren't because he is apparently 12 years old and giggles at anything that sounds dirty to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nppdDUbv0gU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0WPYkWm7eE