Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[nuit93]

"I gave [boss man] herpes."

It's not dirty, I swear.

We always send out company Christmas cards, and this year's cards have glitter. Glitter is often called "the herpes of the craft world", which is a phrase that makes me giggle. So when I handed Boss Man the stack of Christmas cards (and made sure some of the glitter got on him) I meant to say something witty, but it came out as "I gave [boss man] herpes." Hilarity ensued.

I've often referred to glitter as "raver herpes".

[wonderfullyanonymous]

I use to work with a man from China.  In his culture its family name first, given name last.  So his name tag and his phone listing were FamilyName GivenName.  And by reading that most people would have called him by his family name.  Which was Hung. 

The one thing you cannot call a man is Hung.  Most of us called him by his full name.  His close associates called him by his given name, which was his last name.

At the uni I work for, we have a lot of asian students. We have a Hung and a Dong.

This reminded me of a story my photo asst manager told me...

The dept manager went up to the front counter to help a customer. A few minutes later, she comes back to the back of the lab with tears streaming down her face. Thinking the customer said something nasty, he went up to find out what was going on.

He finds out dept manager is not crying, but laughing so hard she has tears rolling down her face. The customers  name was Harry Ho.

[Lillie82]

A friend from college that I keep in touch with by email once typed to me that something had "worked out for the bed" instead of "for the best."

The reason I thought it was vaguely, well, Freudian, was that she was newly married and was talking about how it was "for the best" that she didn't have a dog at the moment because her husband wasn't such a dog person. So I immediately thought maybe he preferred not to have a dog in bed with them, just after they were married.

[greencat]

I'm not entirely sure that they aren't intentional, but a game I play on my phone that is made by Disney (but isn't themed with any of the iconic Disney properties) has several inadvertent innuendos.  Theoretically inadvertent anyway.  One of the messages, appearing on a "Tool Shed" building, says, "Gnomes have surprisingly big tools."

[twiggy]

DH and BIL play lots of online RPGs, and their latest is a game called DOTA. While playing, they have skype open so that they can coordinate their attacks/strategy. Tonight, while they were playing, I heard the following exchange:

"Hey Bro, can you use my hand?"
"What? No. Your hand won't do anything for me. Just jump inside me."
"I can't jump in you right now, I'm still cooling down"
"Aaargh. Well, lets just go and gank that group over here....."

Later I heard:

"Fine, next game we'll switch and I'll jump in you."

[Nikko-chan]

Kitchen Table Scrabble

(it was an article on my schools website)

[VorFemme]

"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

[Piratelvr1121]

Okay, the names have really got me giggling, here! LOL!

Especially having heard the F word in an Irish accent, I can see how Phuc can get confusing.

[Mental Magpie]

"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

We use chits at work and constantly make jokes related to the excrement work.  The first time I ever heard "chit" I had to listen very carefully the next time to make sure I had heard it right.

[Thipu1]

"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

Isn't 'chit' also a rather derogatory term for a young woman? 

[VorFemme]

"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

Isn't 'chit' also a rather derogatory term for a young woman? 

It can be - but is somewhat "quaint" as it isn't current slang.....but the dictionary says that it is a "saucy young woman or girl" - so only derogatory by those who look down on those females who aren't meek & mild.

[ladyknight1]

I eat breakfast very early in the morning, usually before 7 am, then take DS to school and commute to work. I have class at either 10:30 or 12:00 depending on the day. I have to keep my blood sugar stable, so I eat a snack a few minutes before class.

Today, I had a banana and some nuts. 

[Elfmama]

"Chit" or "Chits" - used in the sense of a token to be exchanged for something else - claim ticket, coupon for a free meal, that sort of thing.

For non-English speakers - it rhymes with a common word for excrement and only the first letter is different.  Depending on how "ch" is pronounced compared to "sh", it can sound a LOT like the word for excrement.

Isn't 'chit' also a rather derogatory term for a young woman? 

It can be - but is somewhat "quaint" as it isn't current slang.....but the dictionary says that it is a "saucy young woman or girl" - so only derogatory by those who look down on those females who aren't meek & mild.

When my girls were teens, they were in a local children's theater production of Little Women.  The script called for the crabby old aunt to call one of the girls a 'chit.'  Everyone listening to the rehearsal heard the excrement word, no matter how carefully the actress enunciated.  It got changed to 'flibbertygibbet.'

DH gave me one to use for this topic yesterday.  We were hanging pegboard in my sewing room; he was drilling holes in the wall for the wall-anchors to go in.  He hands me the box that the drillbits live in, and said "Here.  Hold my bits."

[Lillie82]

I didn't even think of the dirty meaning of this one at the time.

When my high school theater teacher talked about characters he had acted as, he often used the word "do," in place of "portrayed" or "played." And of course, those would be male characters.

So he said things like, "I did Skye Masterson." *

"I'd like to do Sherlock Holmes."

His wife (of around 40 years) taught English at the same school, and I had no reason to think he was anything other than straight. The teacher, I mean. Sherlock Holmes, on the other hand...

* Guys and Dolls.

[Bethczar]

When DH & I were dating, we went to a grill-your-own-steak place for dinner one Saturday night. The steaks there were enormous, so I took most of mine back to his place. When I finally went home Sunday evening, I accidentally left the steak in his fridge.

Shortly after I got home, the phone rang and roommate answered it. She burst out laughing when she heard my boyfriend say, "Hey lady, I've got a big piece of meat for ya!"

(In DH's defense, my roommate rarely answered the phone at night. She only answered that night because she was expecting an important call.)