Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[mmswm]

One of the other forums I read and post at is a site for truck drivers.  Recently there's been a lot of weather related discussions due to the interesting weather across the country.  In the middle of one of these discussions, one of the guys says:

"I'd rather have 19 and dry than 30 and sloppy any day".

Ummm, yeah.  We've been busting his chops over that one all day now.

[Piratelvr1121]

Heard from the other room:

"Ohhhh YEAH!! OHHH that feels GOOD! Awww YEAH!! OOH YES! AWWWWWWWWW yeahhhhhhhh!"

The source? My middle child (11).  The reason? Oldest child (nearly 13) had Littlest Pirate walking on Middle Pirate's back as he laid on the floor.

[mmswm]

Talking about my dog and the fact that he barks at everybody who comes to the house with a "Hi, I'm the big dog in charge, so don't mess with my family" tone, and the fact that I have one male friend who he never barked at.

My 11 year old pipes up, "Well maybe Baxter smelled <friend> on you before so he recognized him the first time he met him."

This would be totally innocent on his part, especially considering he was unaware that <friend> and I haven't always had a purely platonic friendship.  A different friend was in the kitchen at the time and just looked at me and we both busted out laughing.  My child could not figure out what was so funny.  We didn't enlighten him.

[Esther_bunny]

Me (female) too a fellow cosmetology student (male) while I was washing his hair: You want me to blow you?
 ( meaning blow dry his hair)

Didnt even phase us for a few seconds.

[mmswm]

Wow, it's been a long time since anybody's posted on this thread, but I have one that's perfect for it, so I'll revive it.

Currently I have a whole bunch of tabs open in my browser so of course the entire title of the tabs aren't showing.  Several of the tabs are for three blog posts, one each by a doctor, a lawyer and a statistician, all reviewing the same book.  The book is about two specific people and their actions.  I'm leaving out as many details as possible because I don't want to start a debate.  What I can't leave out is the name of one of the subjects of the book; a man named BJ Hooker.

So, the part of the title that's currently showing on that tab?  BJ Hooker and Will...

That first guy really does have an unfortunate name.

[Gladly]

On a camping trip with DH.  It's dark, about 10.30pm and the whole campsite is now quiet.

DH: I can't get in.
Me: What?
DH: I can't get in properly
(pause)
Me: Does that help?
DH: No
ME: What about that?
DH:  Yes, Yes! Keep doing that! Oh! That feels so much better!
After another pause, we both collapse in giggles, realising how voices carry on a camp site, and what we have just been saying.

Those with pure minds may well have realised he was having trouble getting into his new sleeping bag!   

[AliciaLynette]

Something that never fails to cause giggles from a group of my friends, and odd looks from others in the pub overhearing us:

Male friend, to me: May I stick my plug in your socket?



Context: We're all techy geeks, who instead of sitting at home on our computers meet in the pub twice a month (two separate pubs/groups although most of the members are the same).  I am not as techy as the others, but I usually supply the four-way power strip to plug into the wall therefore they ask me if it's ok to use it!  5 or so young men, asking if they can stick their plugs into a fairly busty girl's socket!! 
Of course, being all fairly dirty-minded individuals, this is not the only time we dress up phrases to sound dirty, almost everything we say is usually construed to be naughty!

[dawnfire]

 This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

[Marga]

This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

[Harriet Jones]

This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

[greencat]

This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

[jpcher]

This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

Curious -- what's the publication date?

[greencat]

This kids book. I don't know if it was written in all innocence or not
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU95SJDWuSY

This can't be innocent, it really can't.

I'm fairly certain it's not innocent.

It's definitely a joke.  I own a copy!  I don't have kids, and I would never read a child this book.

Curious -- what's the publication date?

The original run was April 2014.  I kickstarted a second print run last year.

[Gladly]

I can't remember if I've posted this before. 

Male friend:  Guess what?
Me: What?
MF: I'm getting a new organ!
Me: Is it a plug in organ or a pump up organ?

In my defence, I was very tired that evening, but I could have phrased the question better!