Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[behindbj]

I've noticed lately that I've been feeling rather silly lately and a decent amount of conversation I engage in or stuff I read has had at least one instance of something that sounded dirty but wasn't.

So - I thought I would do this thread again (I think I started in on a prior version of this board).

Here goes:

I was at my local yarn shop last Saturday, working on a feather-and-fan scarf with some mohair I have had for years (the company, a local maker, went out of business years ago).

The lady sitting next to me turned to me and asked, "May I fondle your boucle?"

Not before you buy me dinner, you won't.

Anyone else have the sillies?

behindbj

[afbluebelle]

Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt.

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

[snoopygirl]

  I was walking home with my husband after the day of work that wasn't. I was tired, cranky and wearing dress clothes which I hate to wear. I turned to my husband and went 'I can't wait to get out of these clothes'. He knew what I meant I was complaing all day about how I wanted to go home and put sweats or jeans on. I am sure the lady walking down the street at the same time didn't know that is what I meant. My hubby said I really shouldn't say stuff like that with people about.

[behindbj]

There are regulars who sit near me at the baseball park who I see every single game.  One day, I was walking down the street and ran into one of them.  I said "Hi!  How are you doin'?"  And he looked at me for a minute, and then another minute before he finally figured out who I was. 

After he said 'hello' back and we chatted for a minute,  he came out with "I don't think I've ever seen you with clothes on!"

As in "business clothes."  As opposed to "baseball game clothes."

behindbj

[Ferrets]

[Names changed to protect the innocent and amused.]

I once barrelled over to the tent of a musketeer I knew after a battle re-enactment. He wasn't there, so I found his wife and chirpily enquired, "Hi Sue, is it OK with you if I borrow Steve's worm? I'll use it right here, it won't take a minute."

Didn't even realise how that sounded till Sue started snorting with laughter.

[The context clarifies: I'd had a misfire, which had clogged my musket, and needed the 'worm' (small metal spiral attachment that screws onto the end of the cleaning rods) to work out the doused wadding.]

Took a while to live that one down.

[Virg]

My wife had a bag of mixed nuts and I picked out a big handful of my favorites, and left them in a pile on the end table while I attended to something in the kitchen.  I returned to the living room, sat down and realized that I was on the wrong side of the room.  My wife was coming over to join me, so I said, "honey, can you grab my nuts?"

Did I mention her parents were visiting?

Virg

[Elpie]

One of my engineering prof's pointed out that a certain math function just sounds... bad.

So now I have a fit of giggles everytime I'm in a lecture involving Natural Log's.

Taking a class on Vibrations was pretty fun to talk about.

I also giggle when someone on this forum uses PP for Previous Poster (I'm so mature). 

I know I have more, I'll just add them to this post when I think of them...

[Harriet Jones]

The product "Gutter Helmet" has always sounded vaguely p0rnographic to me ...

[LiveLoveLearn]

What  on Earth is a gutter helmet?

[Harriet Jones]

A cover to keep leaves and other debris out of your gutter.

[hermanne]

There are regulars who sit near me at the baseball park who I see every single game.  One day, I was walking down the street and ran into one of them.  I said "Hi!  How are you doin'?"  And he looked at me for a minute, and then another minute before he finally figured out who I was. 

After he said 'hello' back and we chatted for a minute,  he came out with "I don't think I've ever seen you with clothes on!"

As in "business clothes."  As opposed to "baseball game clothes."

behindbj

I once said something similar to my charges' swim teacher!

[Elle]

A friend of mine worked at a hardware store. He was quite surprised when a lady asked "Can I see your caulk?"

[IndianInlaw]

When I volunteered at the Y, a bunch of us were standing outside doing who knows what.  One of the directors was talking to the maintenance guy about hanging a banner on the front of the building..

He made the mistake of saying "Can you get it up today?"

I couldn't resist saying "That's a personal question".

[Elle]

I almost asked a bookstore employee (male) where I could find wingadingdingy. Phillip K wingadingdingy - you pervs! 

[beingkj]

This wasn't me, but it was in year 9 science glass. One step of the experiment involved filtering a substance through filter paper.

Girl: It's not filtering.
Boy: Yeah it is, it's just slow.
G: Maybe it will go faster if I blow on it. *starts blowing on the surface of the liquid, which starts filtering faster*
B: Oh, blow it, blow it.
G: Shut up or I'll blow you!

Of course the last was said in a lull in general noise. The poor girl didn't live that down for the rest of high school. Good thing she had a wonderful sense of humour.