The choir was rehearsing "Carol Of the Bells," in which the words are mostly, "Ding dong, ding dong." At the end, the basses hold a long, low G on the word, "Dong." The boys wouldn't hold the note long enough.
Quoth the choir director, "Basses, you must hold your dongs out until I cut them off."
True story. Or so the person who told me said the person who told them said.
My own rehearsal mess-up: We were singing a song with the word "Love" in it, and my tenors kept singing Luv (with a flat, East-Texas "uh"). I said, "Tenors, you need to make your mouth taller, like this: LAAAAHHHV. Everybody, let's all make LAAAAAHHHV."
The rehearsal was over.
*sprays monitor with tea*
Choral ones are the best.
You reminded me of one from our choir...for full effect, imagine it in the campy British accent of our conductor. A request to the sops to sustain a note before we (the tenors) came in, emerged as:
"Ladies, brace yourselves for the tenors' entry!"
And you reminded me...
Years ago at school, I played Fraulein Schneider in the sixth-form production of Cabaret
. We were rehearsing the scene where the grocer woos me with exotic fruits, and the deputy head was giving us directorial notes as follows...
"Jim! You must remember that this isn't just a casual gift, it is an exotic and expensive rare fruit, and to present her with it demonstrates how much you adore this woman.
"You must stride in and proceed to make love to Sara with a pineapple!"
Amazingly, I actually
had one of those rare moments where the brain provides a fitting retort instantly (as opposed to the usual three days later
), and deadpanned a slightly paraphrased line from Blackadder
in Baldrick's whine: "Won't that be rather prickly?"