Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Heavenly]

I must give background on this or you will all think I am a pervert.

Dd1 had a joke about curling that she didn't understand (How do you keep canadian bacon from curling in the pan?  Take away their brooms.    ).  So her father and I were looking for a video to demonstrate curling for her.  This was the first video that came up. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLe1i3WL8is

Dd1 couldn't figure out why Mr. H and I were falling over laughing.   

[Alida]

Talking to my daughter today as we were driving.  We were discussing her costume for Otakon... she needs to build a gourd to wear on her back.  So we're discussing building a cage to hold the balls before we paper them.

"Yeah, we really do need the cage.  No ball shifting this year!"

She looked at me and burst out laughing.  "MOM!"

[hermanne]

I must give background on this or you will all think I am a pervert.

Dd1 had a joke about curling that she didn't understand (How do you keep canadian bacon from curling in the pan?  Take away their brooms.    ).  So her father and I were looking for a video to demonstrate curling for her.  This was the first video that came up. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLe1i3WL8is

Dd1 couldn't figure out why Mr. H and I were falling over laughing.   

Oh, my... dear lord!


edited to change the smiley, because the one I had before went a little TOO well with the theme of the link.

[Ondine]

In my city, we have two streets that connect to each other: Rusholme Road (prounced rush-home) and Avenue P South.

Now try telling someone that a building is on the corner of 'Rusholme and P" with a straight face.

[beingkj]

I heard a brilliant one yesterday!

"I need a nice long one to fit in this hole!"

From BF's friend while he was playing Tetris.

[shadowfox79]

In my city, we have two streets that connect to each other: Rusholme Road (prounced rush-home) and Avenue P South.

Now try telling someone that a building is on the corner of 'Rusholme and P" with a straight face.

Oh, that's a classic!

There's an area of Manchester called Rusholme, which happens to be an extremely well-known curry house district.

The standing joke is that it's called Rusholme because that's what you do after you've eaten there.

[Twik]

I think I've mentioned this story before, but it does fit....

I'd been at a professional conference, at which I was wearing my best "dress clothes". However, it was over, and I'd headed out to the airport, the first thing I did was go to the washroom and change into jeans and t-shirt for comfort on the trip back.

As I was heading towards the gate, I passed another conference attendee, waiting at his gate. In a very loud voice, he called across the concourse, "Oh, THERE YOU ARE, TWIK! I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU WITH YOUR PANTS ON BEFORE!"

The funniest part was the stranger beside him who manfully struggled for 30 seconds before dissolving into giggles.

[Heat04]

The word shuttlecock for batmitten 

[housewife2k]

OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.

[beingkj]

I managed to say one today, while out at lunch with my BF.

"Oops, I nearly blew foam everywhere."

I was eating the foam off the top of the cappuccino and he made me laugh while I was blowing on the foam to cool it, so I blew a little too hard and the foam nearly escaped.

[MadMadge43]

My Bf got in a lot of trouble at our friend's Linda & Jim's house on Sunday for a very inappropriate remark he said to me.

Today we were at Costco in the snack aisle I asked him "where are your nuts"

"In Linda & Jim's living room."

He's now almost out of the dog house.

[Tashigi]

Talking to my daughter today as we were driving.  We were discussing her costume for Otakon... she needs to build a gourd to wear on her back.  So we're discussing building a cage to hold the balls before we paper them.

"Yeah, we really do need the cage.  No ball shifting this year!"

She looked at me and burst out laughing.  "MOM!"

Ah, the wonderfully dirty things you can say when talking about cosplay. *grins*

[RainhaDoTexugo]

OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.

Oh man, we just had a good laugh reading this with our ex-roomie, from Tualitin.  He will never live this down.  I think I'll introduce him as being from Tuat Valley from now on

[housewife2k]

OK, I will try and be as accurate as I can with this one, without setting off the filters.
About 11 years ago, I spent about a month in Oregon visiting a firend. We relied on public transportation to get around, as you can in Oregon.
He warned me about a particular bus, but I thought he was teasing me, until I saw the amrquee for the bus. The bus in question runs between Beaverton, and Tualitin Valley. The abbreviated sign read "Beaver to Tuat Valley". Yes, my mind went there. Yes, I was horribly embarrased.

Oh man, we just had a good laugh reading this with our ex-roomie, from Tualitin.  He will never live this down.  I think I'll introduce him as being from Tuat Valley from now on

Even now, years later, we sill will giggle like schoolgirls over it. Being the friend I visited is in the military, something about him giggling like a school girl makes me giggle all the more.

[Thipu1]

I have a classic story to offer.   

Some years ago a friend and I were standing on the will-call line to pick up our tickets for a concert.  One of the featured soloists was a cellist who lived in our town.  I was in front of my friend and turned around so that we could easily talk.  That position gave me a good view of the people on line behind her. 

As it would, our talk turned to the cellist.  My friend said with perfect innocence, "He's a lovely man.  I had his kid, you know".

Immediately, I could see the 'slapped-with-the-fish' face on the woman behind her and heard muttering about 'shameless hussies'.  I started to chuckle and my friend asked why.

When we got our tickets, I told her what I had seen and we both had a good laugh.  What my friend said was absolutely right but not in the way the woman behind her read what she heard.

My friend was a teacher. The musician's child had been a student in her third grade class.  That what 'having someone's kid' meant in teacher-speak.