Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Heavenly]

That took me a few minutes to figure out.

You see I pronounce it cawlk (strong L)...and the other pronunciation didn't even cross my mind.   

[RainhaDoTexugo]

I don't know if it's the Chicago accent, or what, but that L is much weaker here

[Kimblee]

Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt.

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

Guns themselves are funny.

My friend and I went to the range (He's a gun nut, and I'm secretly madly in love with him.)

I asked him to teach me to shoot.

"Well alright. I'll let you touch my gun, but you know i don't let the other guys do it." I laughed so hard at him.

[Kimblee]

A roomful of girls, gently and brightly saying "Swallow it when it hits the back of your throat...that's it, swallow...swallow....swallow...."
NG tube placement lab.

WIN

You win the thread. Your prize is this lovely picked okra I'm eating.

[Kendo_Bunny]

Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt.

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

Guns themselves are funny.

My friend and I went to the range (He's a gun nut, and I'm secretly madly in love with him.)

I asked him to teach me to shoot.

"Well alright. I'll let you touch my gun, but you know i don't let the other guys do it." I laughed so hard at him.

I wrote a piece about going shooting with my sweetheart, and a bunch of women complimented it with 'It was so sexy! It was almost erotic- man, I really want to go shooting with my SO now...'

[Lillie82]

A magician performed at my college a few years ago. He invited a high-level administration person on stage to help out with a trick in which a small paper figurine was apparently brought to life, i.e., it seemed to be jumping and dancing about.

But he introduced the trick by saying, "We are going to create life." I'm not sure if he realized how it sounded until everyone cracked up.

[Peggy Gus]

My Boss has a loud voice that carries, we were having an addition added to our building so he took frequent phone calls. He was walking down the hall talking on his cell phone and he said "i've been taking bids for erections" the guy must have said "what" because he repeated himself even louder. You could hear laughter from one end of the hall to the other. To this day if he is cranky we tease him that maybe he should call and get some bids.

[Diane AKA Traska]

My SO and I are really into computers.  We build them, install everything ourselves, troubleshoot.  But the funny comes with a very basic function: installing a wireless device.

There's just something vaguely... unseemly about telling your SO: "Now, just grab your dongle and make sure it fits snugly in the slot"

[Kimblee]

My SO and I are really into computers.  We build them, install everything ourselves, troubleshoot.  But the funny comes with a very basic function: installing a wireless device.

There's just something vaguely... unseemly about telling your SO: "Now, just grab your dongle and make sure it fits snugly in the slot"

Unseemly? Naw...

Your SO is who SHOULD be fitting a dongle firmly in the slot.

(Oh geeze... it does sound wrong, doesn't it?)

[MizB]

The background to this is kind of long so I apologize before hand.

My Bf invited me to his office Christmas Party that was held at a Japanese restaurant. He wanted an authentic drink and had seen one with Asian writing that was pink he decided to try. No one knew what it was called, so we all called it "the pink drink" or something to that effect. Now we were all teasing him for getting the pink drink based on its color. But he was good natured about it and was offering samples to the attendees (small company).

Well one of the workers didn't want a drink and said "I'm sorry I just don't want to try *big pause* the drink."

At that point I piped up and said "I wouldn't have minded if you tried his pink thing."

[Jolie_kitten]

Today at my college, in a statistics class; we were learning how to make crosstabs of different variables (from a poll) in a statistic analysis program and our professor was explaining to us how to select the variables. The two variables we had to make a crosstab of were the respondent's sex and the respondent's answer to the question "How often do you discuss politics with family or friends?"
So at one point in the explanation: "Now you have to tell it that you want sex"

[Giggity]

From when Letterman was funny (so, like, 1988):

Top 10 Expressions that Sound Dirty but Really Aren't

10. "Frosting the pastry"
 9. "Shooting hoops"
 8. "Jumping the turnstile"
 7. "Checking your oil"
 6. "Tethering the blimp"
 5. "Sending out for sushi"
 4. "Picnic on the grass"
 3. "Quarter-pounder at the Golden Arches"
 2. "Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln"
 1. "Windsurfing on Mount Baldy"

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

I don't recall if I posted this, but there's a "Bong State Recreation Area" in Wisconsin.  (it's named for Richard Bong)

[Punky B.]

Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt.

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

Was it not cocked properly? 

Guns are funny.  DH always rolls his eyes at the amount of giggling I do. 

[M-theory]

OK, this one requires a little BG info. I play an XBOX game in which you gather resources by launching probes (like Cassini or Galileo) at planets. Rather than just launching blind, you scan the planet, and the controller vibrates when you hover over a significant cache of resources. Sometimes there are caches that aren't big enough to set off the controller. All this leading up to:

"No vibration, no probe."

Boyfriend just looked at me for a significant second and then cracked up laughing.