Confirmation of an answer I know...

[Cattaby]

If you can't get him out of the house, get him into World of Warcraft or another MMORPG - he'll get some social interaction that way, and possibly even meet someone through there, all without having to leave his comfort zone.  Maybe Warcraft's ability to destroy romantic relationships would be a good thing, for a change . . .

LOL, I'll vouch for that! My sister, her fiance, my cousin and I were avid WoWers. My cousin's social life BOOMED when she joined our crazy online gaming. It's awesome for socialising, and a total time drain. Too bad he doesn't like the MMORPGs though.


Your fiance's brother is in denial. And unfortunately, even if all the evidence is there, those in denial can't see the facts for themselves (such as in cases with people and cheating partners - they'll deny it, make excuses for their partners, ANYTHING except face the truth). It's painful to watch. But until he himself reaches the stage where HE puts everything together himself, you're not going to be able to get him to see that his girlfriend is bad for him. The best you can do is build up his self confidence and help steer him into a situation where he can do this for himself.

Your situation sounds like you need a good old fashioned house party. Mmm... house. And beer! My two favourite things...


**Edited because even though the preview button is there, I often fail to use it.

[RoseRose]

Your brother's fiance is in denial. And unfortunately, even if all the evidence is there, those in denial can't see the facts for themselves (such as in cases with people and cheating partners - they'll deny it, make excuses for their partners, ANYTHING except face the truth). It's painful to watch. But until he himself reaches the stage where HE puts everything together himself, you're not going to be able to get him to see that his girlfriend is bad for him. The best you can do is build up his self confidence and help steer him into a situation where he can do this for himself.

Your situation sounds like you need a good old fashioned house party. Mmm... house. And beer! My two favourite things...

"Brother's fiance"?   I better hope not!  My brother is not yet 15!  *giggles*  Sometimes typos are funny.

And I'm doing my best at building his self-confidence.  His last girlfriend did a pretty good job at tearing it down.


As for the house party with beer... None of us are 21 yet!  I'm 19, and fiance and his brother are 20!

[Cattaby]

Fixed!

But dang. Video game party then? Friendly game of twister? Big social dinner?

*shows empty hat of tricks to the crowd*

Sorry, all out!

[RoseRose]

Actually, a video game thing might be coming!  My fiance found out about a video game thing on his campus this weekend... we might be heading there, and considering they claim to have Guitar Hero (it didn't say whether it was 1 or 2) which fiance's twin can beat completely on the hardest mode... there might be the chance for him impressing some gamer girl (hey, watching fiance play Dance Dance Revolution sure didn't hurt when we were starting to date!)

I doubt much will come of it, other than hopefully more willingness to socialize, but even that will help!

[supernova]

Yes!  go to the video game thing, by all means.  Make sure he wears something attractive. 

Maybe you guys can have "Board game night" once a month or so.  Invite friends you've met, including one or two nice geeky single girls who happen to like guys just like your fiance'.  Or do an old-fashioned pen-and-paper RPG weekend.

Do you have console games?  You can have a big multiplayer fest.  Or a LAN party.  (Do they still have LAN parties?)  Do the same thing; invite a few of his friends and a few of your friends, and make sure you include one or two single girls that have a lot in common with you. 

You don't ever have to say a word about his girlfriend.  Just keep dangling fresh bait in front of him, and leave it up to the girls to show their interest in him.  He'll either get a clue or he won't, but either way you'll have tried.

     - saphie, who also loves geeky guys 

[RoseRose]

Yes!  go to the video game thing, by all means.  Make sure he wears something attractive. 

Maybe you guys can have "Board game night" once a month or so.  Invite friends you've met, including one or two nice geeky single girls who happen to like guys just like your fiance'.  Or do an old-fashioned pen-and-paper RPG weekend.

Do you have console games?  You can have a big multiplayer fest.  Or a LAN party.  (Do they still have LAN parties?)  Do the same thing; invite a few of his friends and a few of your friends, and make sure you include one or two single girls that have a lot in common with you. 

You don't ever have to say a word about his girlfriend.  Just keep dangling fresh bait in front of him, and leave it up to the girls to show their interest in him.  He'll either get a clue or he won't, but either way you'll have tried.

     - saphie, who also loves geeky guys 

He owns t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans.  And a suit (his dad gave him a giftcard for Men's Warehouse).  That's it.  I've seen his closet.

As for parties, as stated, I live an hour away, and most of my friends are guys, and my female friends share my more "feminine" interests... like shopping.  I don't have too many gamer girl friends.  I wish I did!

I did find a single girl in my ballroom class whose willing to play along... and they have these dances at my school that are cheap... I'm gonna try to drag him to one.  Hopefully it works out.



I found out recently that his girlfriend is trying to save up money from her job to buy him a cellphone and pay for it and stuff.  Am I the only one who finds that creepy?  (they talk on the phone that he has until the cordless phone dies... that's over 2 hours.  Sometimes they do that twice a day.  Do they NEED more phone time?)

[auntmeegs]

I'm sorry you are in this very frustrating and sad situation. I am going through a very similar situation with my brother, who is also one of my best friends in the world.  It hurts to stand by and watch someone you love be mistreated.  It seems like you've done what you can by voicing your opinion and letting him know you're there for him.  I've done that too, but it still feels like it's not enough and you want to take the situation into your own hands.  Unfortunately, we can't do that, we just have to let it play out, while trying to be a source of support.  We all have to make our own choices (and mistakes) in life.  Hopefully your friend and future brother-in-law will eventually come to reason.  Hang in there!

[JoyinVirginia]

Now, if fiance's twin seemed happy with this girl, I wouldn't have any problem, though I may still voice my concerns about why she isn't good for him (and she isn't, though he is good for her).  The problem is, he seems HORRIBLY unhappy.  He says she makes him happy, but whenever she calls, he looks really upset, and SAYS it bothers him.  If he complains, she throws a hissy fit, and she basically is controlling him through emotional blackmail.
I've already voiced my concerns politely, and he has heard, and done nothing because of them.  I know I have to sit back and watch this girl (she's 20, but she's rather immature in many ways) make him miserable.  He's a great guy, but very bad at standing up for himself, so she is able to walk all over him, and take advantage of his kind heart and caring nature.
I know I can't do anything, but is there anything I can do other than sit back and WATCH?

I have a suggestion. One more Serious Talk. It is very important to preface this with some statement like:
"I want to be honest and tell you some of  my observations and concerns. I care about you and want you to be happy. You have to make your own decisions. I am going to tell you this and then not mention it again. "

Then have that Serious Talk - NOT politely voicing concerns - but flat-out describing your observations of his unhappiness, possible fears she will get pregnant "accidentally on purpose", observation that if they spend MORE time on the phone then he will not have any time to try and get to know other more compatible people, fact that you know he could find someone he would be happier with. THEN be sure to say this is your opinion and observations, and you will not talk about it again. That whatever decisions he makes you will respect.

You have to have a certain level of deep friendship and respect with someone in order to do this without offending or alienating them. Sounds like you do. If YOU cannot have this conversation with him, can his brother? It is worth a try.
Joy in Virginia

[RoseRose]

I have, to some degree, though not that extent, and his brother HAS said all that.  We've talked to him about various things so much... all he says is that "I love her".

*sigh*  I can give it another try this weekend, but I'm not sure if it'll do anything.  He doesn't know about the cell phone yet... this girl has the habit of telling my fiance things that she's planning for his brother.

At least I don't have to worry about the pregnant "accidentally on purpose" for a while... she lives across the country, and there's no way he'll have the money to visit her before the summer.

*snarkiness removed*