I feel a lot of the wedding "etiquette" should be revised. Now, the bride and groom are often older, already living together or have established their own households, are more likely to have blended families with existing kids and/or divorced parents, and their friends and family are more likely to be spread out across the country than people were a hundred years ago. I keep in touch with college friends in Japan, France, Canada, etc. just as easily as I do the ones living five hours away from me. And those friends are no longer in an era where they have to be Miss Elaine Smith until they become Mrs. Bob Jones. Ms. Elaine Smith and her partner Ms. Julia Schultz can become Ms. and Ms. Elaine and Julia Smultz if they want to. They all have computers and email, and can be in "couples" relationships
that aren't restricted to engaged or married. Things I'd like to see changed:
1) Formally addressing invitations to "Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones." If my one grandmother wants to be Mrs. James Johnson and the other wants to be just Pippin Galadriel Moonchild-Freewomyn, that's fine with me.
2) Handwritten address labels. Nobody wants to read my handwriting, especially the post office.
3) The taboo against family-held showers. My sister WAS my MOH - I'm not going to drag my other bridesmaids (neither of whom live in my state or see me regularly) into organizing a gift-giving festival for me. I ended up with a mom-and-grandmother-sponsored shower, at their insistance, that included both female family members and female friends.
4) Restrictions on what the bride and groom can and cannot do with their wedding ceremony (apart from religious restrictions they implicitly agree to when they invite a priest/rabbi/minister to perform the ceremony). DH and I chose to have a fairly traditional ceremony in a chapel, but couples shouldn't be bound to a bride's side and a groom's side, the father giving her away, equal numbers of attendants, etc.
5) Emailed thank-you notes should be okay. The purpose of the thank-you note is to express appreciation and to let the other person know you got the gift - and you can do that through email just as well as through a handwritten card. A few people of my acquaintance use thank-you notes to say "Look at me, I know etiquette!" instead of to genuinely thank for a gift, and that grates on me. Although I freely admit I'm a bit touchy on this subject
6) I kinda wish the whole gift-giving thing would relax a bit, actually. I mean, it was nice to receive a number of nice things for our kitchen that DH and I would have never actually bought for ourselves, but we did have a perfectly adequate kitchen already. Wouldn't it be nice if the custom for weddings was to give a gift certificate for a night out at a local restaurant or a pair of movie tickets, and that was it, instead of gift cards to department stores and fancy china? I of course appreciate the gifts we received, but I felt bad inviting friends whom I knew would have to shell out $$$ for plane tickets on a limited budget, knowing there's intense pressure to give a $50+ present.