Etiquette Rules!?

[Brentwood]

4)  Restrictions on what the bride and groom can and cannot do with their wedding ceremony (apart from religious restrictions they implicitly agree to when they invite a priest/rabbi/minister to perform the ceremony).  DH and I chose to have a fairly traditional ceremony in a chapel, but couples shouldn't be bound to a bride's side and a groom's side, the father giving her away, equal numbers of attendants, etc.

I don't think that the number of attendants and being given away by one's father are etiquette rules. "Traditions", maybe, but not bound by etiquette.

[Chivewarrior]

That white after labor day thing. Even Miss Manners says it's a matter of etiquette, but really, this sounds more like a fashionista thing, and an outdated one at that.

Why would it be a matter of etiquette whether we wear white after Labor Day, or after Valentine's Day, or after National Saxophone Appreciation Day?  I wear white when I choose to wear it (which is rarely, I have to admit), and I don't worry about what day it is.

Well, Miss Manners said it was a matter of etiquette. It's even in a column of hers. (I'll dig up the link if you want.) I think it's ridiculous too. And when is National Saxophone Appreciation Day?

[Sophia]

I would like to eliminate using titles in the address.   "HisName and HerName Lastname" would seem like a good thing.  Although, when I was inviting mom's friends to the surprise party, it was nice to say Mr. and Mrs. LastName because I truly didn't know his name. 

In an etiquette book I read (an older one), it said that professional titles weren't used socially.  So, a doctor was still a Mr. or Mrs. on a wedding invite.  That would simplify things. 

[Cebollita]

That white after labor day thing. Even Miss Manners says it's a matter of etiquette, but really, this sounds more like a fashionista thing, and an outdated one at that.

What does wearing white after labor day have to do with etiquette? Really, I'm stumped!
I like the definition of etiquette that I see here often - more to do with treating other people well, gracefully and with respect, and less to do with using the correct fish fork or whatever!

If anyone was offended at someone wearing white shoes in November, I'd really have no respect for their opinion on such a silly thing, so who cares!

[Cebollita]

Well, Miss Manners said it was a matter of etiquette. It's even in a column of hers. (I'll dig up the link if you want.) I think it's ridiculous too.

Oooh, please do! I want to read it.

[Chivewarrior]

Well, Miss Manners said it was a matter of etiquette. It's even in a column of hers. (I'll dig up the link if you want.) I think it's ridiculous too.

Oooh, please do! I want to read it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/24/AR2006102401198.html

Personally, I think the woman who made the comment to the letter-writer was the rude one...

[HorseFreak]

I think the whole Mrs. Hannibal Lecter idea is ridiculous and outdated. She's Mrs. Jane Lecter, her first name didn't disappear when she got married. More women are keeping their maiden names in this day and age so does that make him Mr. Hannibal Flintstone?

I'm not looking forward to getting married (if I ever do) since I'll have my DVM in a few years and it will likely be assumed that the Dr. is my husband. My BF gets kind of twitchy when I mention that I would want to be addressed officially as Dr. Mary Hislastname rather than Mrs. It seems to be a conditioned double standard that it's OK for the man to be Dr. instead of Mr., but it's weird for the woman to do that. I don't believe in covering up my very hard won title because it might make someone snicker. *steps off the soapbox*

I don't see what white after Labor Day has to do with etiquette. Isn't the point of etiquette to make your guests comfortable? "Oh, no! Suzy is wearing white pants and it's OCTOBER!" Really, there's no reason for your guest to be offended or uncomfortable unless you're wearing white hot pants to a dinner party.

[MadMadge43]

I don't see what white after Labor Day has to do with etiquette. Isn't the point of etiquette to make your guests comfortable? "Oh, no! Suzy is wearing white pants and it's OCTOBER!" Really, there's no reason for your guest to be offended or uncomfortable unless you're wearing white hot pants to a dinner party

It has nothing to do with etiquette. And it's no longer a fashionista thing either. If you watch "What Not To Wear" they say over and over again that this rule is dead. Miss Manners was wrong on this one, she blamed unseasonly warm weather on people still wearing their summer clothes? Come on. Just because it's October I should pull out all my tweeds and bake?

In AZ it's still in the 90's in October, no way do I care what some stupid rule made up on the East Coast says.

[kathrynne]

I don't see what white after Labor Day has to do with etiquette. Isn't the point of etiquette to make your guests comfortable? "Oh, no! Suzy is wearing white pants and it's OCTOBER!" Really, there's no reason for your guest to be offended or uncomfortable unless you're wearing white hot pants to a dinner party

It has nothing to do with etiquette. And it's no longer a fashionista thing either. If you watch "What Not To Wear" they say over and over again that this rule is dead. Miss Manners was wrong on this one, she blamed unseasonly warm weather on people still wearing their summer clothes? Come on. Just because it's October I should pull out all my tweeds and bake?

In AZ it's still in the 90's in October, no way do I care what some stupid rule made up on the East Coast says.

You're right! MM's answer implied that if we all put away our sandals and whites after Labor Day we'll solve Global Warming. Love it! 

[TZ]

In honor of this thread, I wore my white pants last night.  BF and I had a good laugh because I wore these same pants on our first date and promptly spilled red wine all over them.  That's the number one reason not to wear white after Labor Day, or before Labor Day.  I still can't believe I got the stain out.

Has anybody seen the movie Serial Mom?  Kathleen Turner plays a suburban housewife who kills people for comically stupid reasons.  She kills Patty Hearst's character because she wears white shoes after Labor Day.  Patty Hearst goes down insisting that just isn't true anymore.  Times have changed! 

[Brentwood]

Just because it's October I should pull out all my tweeds and bake?

I would...but I don't live in Arizona.

[Twik]

It's not the rule against wearing white shoes after Labour Day that bothers me - it's the not wearing black shoes before then that bugs me.

At least until I decided to ignore it completely. Black - it's the new white.

[blarg314]

I have issues with gender determined etiquette - where there is a different standard of behaviour for men and for women based soley on their gender. Things like the man having to open the door, or who goes into the elevator first, or addressing envelopes as Mrs Bob Jones, unless the woman has specifically indicated that she wants it.  This is particularly vital in a work environment, where the gender based rules can clash with the workplace etiquette rules. 

I really wish you could put 'no gifts' on an invitation and have it stick.  The problem comes with situations where you aren't sure you should bring a gift. For a wedding, you usually do, but it's silly when someone is reluctant to host a party to celebrate a milestone or achievement, purely because people will think their fishing for gifts.

The couple rule has irritated me in the past, unfortunately the fundamental issue isn't the etiquette rule, it's the inability to find a polite, non hurtful way of letting someone known that while you like them just fine, you'd rather swim naked with pirahnahs than spend an evening in their partner's company.

I dislike most fashion based rules - white after labour day being  a classic example. There is etiquette based reason for them - wearing white isn't going to hurt someone else, or cause a misunderstanding in a social situation. It's a meaningless, outdated rule that, in my experience, is usually invoked to make someone else feel gauche. Ditto for a lot of the wedding hoopla - a white dress, pew bows, matching attendants, a full sitdown dinner, dancing, drinking, may be traditional, but are not requirements. 

For things like relative hosted showers and second baby showers - I couldn't care less. As long as the shower is tastefully organised and not a blatant grab for money and gifts I'm happy.  Mind you, organising your *own* shower is still tacky, as are showers for aunts, new pets, graduations, etc.

I don't have a problem with registries as long as they are only used for weddings, are discretely mentioned (website okay, invitation not), have a range of prices, and are mandatory. Registries for anything other than weddings (baby showers, birthdays, graduations, first communion, divorce) are still out.