you pay and we'll choose the food

[wetblanket]

Our office has decided to go to a pub for drinks and snacks this year as our holiday celebration.

Someone decided it would be “easier” if we pre-ordered the food.  I have my doubts about this, since after all pubs are usually ready to take orders for nachos and chicken wings and the like at any time, they don’t need two weeks’ notice!  I also would prefer to decide what to eat when I get there, rather than being stuck with whatever gets decided in advance.  From past experience I know that the self-appointed organizers will choose whatever they want.

Pre-ordering the food wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t expected to pre-pay.  Well, “pre-pay” as in hand over some cash to the organizers in advance and assume that all of the cash will get spent on food for us.  I really can’t believe that the pub will require payment two weeks in advance.  Our group will be about 15 people, we are located downtown, so there will be a kajillion office parties like ours going on in the area, so the pub (which is quite large) should be well-prepared for us.

In the past we have had catered lunches and the organizers got to choose the caterer and the food and the rest of us just had to hand over our $$$.  From the amount and quality of the food we’ve gotten at these catered lunches, it’s hard to believe that ALL our $$$ went to the caterer.  I always wondered if the organizers kept something for themselves for “all their trouble” even though no one asked them to organize the party.

Evidently we are going to tell the pub to do separate bills for drinks.  I’ve proposed we ask the pub to do a separate bill for the food, which we can divide amongst the group at the end of the party.  I just know there is going to be a fight about this, but I think it’s rude to ask me to pay in advance for food I don’t get to choose for no other reason than that’s what the organizers would prefer.

Your thoughts, comments?

[MadMadge43]

You're not a wet blanket and I can be picky about my food too. but it is hard to organize such event and they're probably trying to make it easy on themself.  There is always a lot more involved than what the party goer thinks.

Next year get on the organizer committee, this way you'll have some input. Otherwise, talk to them once, if they can't do it, then suck it up.

[graceh9]

Nothing endears one to a group of peers like being the one who doesn't do the work but endlessly complains about those who do.  This is one night -- not much money -- an attempt to create a convenient party.  How big a deal is it if you don't get to choose exactly what you want at that very  moment?  I think you should either a. suck it up and have fun  b.  when you hand in your money say 'you know I really love those cheese sticks, can we be sure to include those' or c.  suck it up and get on the organizing committee next year.

[Cupcake Fiend]

From what you are describing, it doesn't sound like prepaying/preordering should be necessary.  You are paying for your own food and drinks, so why not just order when you get there?  It doesn't sound like you are even getting a private room or anything, so I don't see the need for any organizing beyond "let's meet at xx pub at xx time on xx day.  It's everyone pay for themselves."

Or am I missing something?

[wetblanket]

For context:

There is no "organizing committee".  It's not that formal.  The organizers appointed themselves.  I can guarantee that NO ONE in our office is pressuring these people to put together a party.  It doesn't take a lot of effort to phone up a pub and say "I'd like to book a table for 15 people, separate bills for drinks and one bill for the food".  That's all the "organizing" required.  No private room or anything like that.

I'll put it this way: The organizers are asking us for $15 each.  $15 x 15 people is $225, which would buy us far too much food, far more than just snacks.  So I have to wonder: Where is this money going?  Why must we pay in advance?  Why must we order in advance?

The last two Christmases I dutifully handed over my cash and then was confronted with a pretty sorry meal that couldn't possibly have used up all the $$ that was collected.  So, I'm suspicious.  And since it's a pub, I really can't figure all this "pre" activity is necessary.

[PoisonIvy]

It doesn't take a lot of effort to phone up a pub and say "I'd like to book a table for 15 people, separate bills for drinks and one bill for the food".  

This is exactly what I thought even before you posted your clarification.  Why do they need money upfront?  I've never heard of a restuarant, much less a pub, taking money in advance. They will often take a deposit if it's a large party (12 or more people usually), but definitely not the full whack. 

Re the price: I suppose if you're getting posh burgers, fries, salads, starters, etc. $15 per person is about right, but if all you're getting is cheese sticks, nachos, buffalo wings and the like, then I think that's very expensive.  Is it possible that the extra money is going towards a surprise, eg a champagne toast or Christmas crackers/party favours? 

In any case, I don't think you're out of order for questioning it, as long as you don't make it sound like you're accusing them of skimming off the top.  You could always offer to help "organise" if you suspect anything's fishy.

[icequeenzeu]

Many places won't do seperate checks for larger parties (and they will include gratuity in the bill).  I know that the last two parties I organized (about 20 people each), they would not split the check for food (but they would open seperate bar tabs for people).  That one was more of a dinner and I had to preorder food for everyone.  It should've come out to $20 per person, but I got stiffed by several people (included two who didn't show up at all) and ended up having to pay about $150 out of my own pocket.  The second party was more casual and it was a flat $15 fee per head which included salads, appetizers, non-alcoholic beverages and the tip.  So honestly, $15 doesn't sound like much to me, and I can understand them wanting to get money from people ahead of time, especially if the place won't split the check 15 different ways.  Otherwise it would be a whole different sort of fight, "well, I only had two cheesesticks, but Bob ate seventeen buffalo wings, so I don't think I should have to pay as much..."  etc. etc.  So I would suggest either sucking it up and going without complaints, or declining.   Please try not to assume the worst of people.  I would be shocked and horrified and very, very hurt if people actually thought I was skimming from what they put toward one of the parties I organized.  I would've rather they just not go if that's what they thought.

[wetblanket]

I see your points, icequeenzeu.  As it happens this pub will do separate checks for the drinks, so (in my view, anyway) doing one more bill for the food shouldn't be a problem.  I would be fine with agreeing in advance that the food bill will be split amongst all parties.  If some people end up not going, we can just order less food, rather than pre-paying for too much food.  The organizers will not be out-of-pocket for any expenses - actually my proposal protects them from that.  Their proposal doesn't protect us from over-paying or even knowing exactly what happened to our money (will it include tips and tax?).

Unfortunately I don't have the option of declining.  There's a weird groupthink dynamic around here that we are all supposed to just love these get-togethers and wouldn't miss them for the world.  The only way to get out of it would be to have a family crisis or be sick on that day.

I completely see your point re: not assuming the worst of people, but there is a history with this group of pre-paying for crappy meals.  There is also history with birthday celebrations, baby showers, etc of phony niceness when others are watching, but behind-the-scenes sniping and petty behaviour. So, unfortunately, I have a pretty low opinion of many of my co-workers.

Now I sound like the petty one!  But so be it. 

[MadMadge43]

As a former waitress, there is a huge difference between drinks and food. I would not have accepted separate checks from a group of 8 or more during the busy holiday season. 

[PoisonIvy]

Unfortunately I don't have the option of declining.  There's a weird groupthink dynamic around here that we are all supposed to just love these get-togethers and wouldn't miss them for the world.  The only way to get out of it would be to have a family crisis or be sick on that day.

I'd probably invent a long-lost relative's visit on the day of the party and decline - probably wimpy on my part but I don't think "etiquette" translates to "let people use you for a doormat", and if your coworkers would otherwise hold it against you, then that might be the easiest option with the fewest hurt feelings.  It sounds like your office Christmas parties are something to be endured rather than enjoyed.

[pblair38]

The problem with NOT asking people to pay up front is that not everyone will pay.  I've been the "accountant" at the end of too many company meals and had to put in extra money because someone didn't have any money (then why did you - collective you - come?) or someone didn't put in enough to cover the tax and/or tip).  I think that collecting in advance is a smart idea. 

As for the amount that they're collecting, since I don't know where you are, geographically, I can't speak to that, but if you subtract out tax/tip from $15, it seems like a reasonable amount per person.  Pub snacks can get pretty pricey. 

Penny

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

The problem with NOT asking people to pay up front is that not everyone will pay.  I've been the "accountant" at the end of too many company meals and had to put in extra money because someone didn't have any money (then why did you - collective you - come?) or someone didn't put in enough to cover the tax and/or tip).  I think that collecting in advance is a smart idea. 

Well, I am sure in your case, it was known in advance that it was a "pay your own way" situation.  Just imagine the surprise of 6 Admin Assistants that were taken to a "upper-midrange" resturaunt by their big boss for Admin Professionals day, and then he had the server present us all with seperate checks...  I was struggling at the time as my roomie kept bouncing his rent checks he wrote to me and that meal (I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu) was $20.00+ that could have paid my weeks grocerys. (I was living on cereal, milk, noodles and salads)

[wetblanket]

Just imagine the surprise of 6 Admin Assistants that were taken to a "upper-midrange" resturaunt by their big boss for Admin Professionals day, and then he had the server present us all with seperate checks... 

Ugh.  Tacky tacky tacky.

[Lisbeth]

And since it's a pub, I really can't figure all this "pre" activity is necessary.

I agree with you-it sounds very controlling to me.  I have the feeling that the organizers are on some kind of power trip or quest for personal information about you.  If you're paying, it's not really their business what you order, is it?

[FoxPaws]

I'd probably invent a long-lost relative's visit on the day of the party and decline

I second this!! This does not sound like fun. And no way would I hand over $15.00 and not have a say in what I was eating.