you pay and we'll choose the food

[Lynda_34]

I attended a retirement party some time ago and I kept asking how much money the organizer wanted for the party.  She kept saying nevermind, we'll settle up the day of the party.  I planned on about $35 which would have included a gift.
The organizer made reservations for a specific number of people to attend and when three of them didn't show up they simply divided the cost of their plates into the number of people who attended.  It ended up costing me $50.  The owner/host had conveniently left for a while. They said we could take the rest of the buffet food home with us if we wanted. I vowed never to attend anything else she had organized again.

[Adah]

Is it possible for you to tell the organizers that you have specific dietary considerations and that while you very much want to join the group, you will be selecting and paying for your own food and beverages? I have a number of food allergies and I'd have to be quite careful about menu choices at a pub.

[wetblanket]

I agree with you-it sounds very controlling to me.  I have the feeling that the organizers are on some kind of power trip or quest for personal information about you.  If you're paying, it's not really their business what you order, is it?

Yup.  We have some very controlling types in our office.  One of these organizers definitely has a screw loose - her second week on the job, she make some very insulting "jokes" at my expense (until I told our manager that if she kept it up I would file a formal complaint against her for harassment - it was that bad), and used to sneak up behind me at my desk until I expressly told her in an email not to do so.  The other organizer is just kind of a pinhead.

However, I don't think they have conceived this pre-order and pre-pay idea just to annoy me.  It's quite possible that they are concerned about a chronic non-payer/cheapskate in our group who will "forget" to bring enough money or similar.  Or they want to organize some sort of "surprise" for us at the party.

I am going to stick to my guns and say "No, I'll pay for my share at the party."

[Deetee]

The problem with NOT asking people to pay up front is that not everyone will pay.  I've been the "accountant" at the end of too many company meals and had to put in extra money because someone didn't have any money (then why did you - collective you - come?) or someone didn't put in enough to cover the tax and/or tip).  I think that collecting in advance is a smart idea. 

As for the amount that they're collecting, since I don't know where you are, geographically, I can't speak to that, but if you subtract out tax/tip from $15, it seems like a reasonable amount per person.  Pub snacks can get pretty pricey. 

Penny

I agree. For a meal of pub snacks, 10 dollars (with tax and tip) would be too little. Prepaying really just seems like a way for the organisers not to get stiffed with the bill (which does happen) and to make sure that everyone who says they are going actually goes. (You can't trust people to RSVP, sadly)

For the OP, either decline gracefully with whatever excuse you feel is needed or go cheerfully. 

Personally, I like the idea of a bunch of stuff being pre-ordered and everyone sharing. No spending 30 minutes looking over the menu and ordering and waiting for everyone to show up and then trying to grab the waitress because Bob from accounting just showed and he hasn't had a chance to order and should we wait for Sally kinda fussing that happens with large groups. I totally understand why the organisers would just order all the food for a certain time and you can all spend more time socialising.

[wetblanket]

Prepaying really just seems like a way for the organisers not to get stiffed with the bill (which does happen) and to make sure that everyone who says they are going actually goes.

In this case, we will all leave from the office together.  It's a mid-afternoon thing, so definitely not a full meal. The organizers are no more likely to get stiffed than anyone else since it's unlikely anyone will leave before the bill gets settled.  The person to get stiffed will be whoever is nice enough to cover off the bill for whoever is short of cash at the time.

I've seen the menu and the prices at this pub.  The amount they are asking for will buy far too much food.

This wouldn't even be an etiquette issue if this were a group of genuinely nice people.  Some are, but some are total oddballs. 

This is what I see happening in their scenario:  We fork over our cash, the organizers order whatever the heck they want (which will be surprisingly little for the $$$ we have paid - hmmmm), the platters of snacks won't circulate, so if you get stuck near the spring rolls, that's all you'll get. 

And anyway, it's a restaurant.  Restaurants are used to people walking in off the street and ordering whatever they want off the menu and not paying until the meal is over.  Business as usual.

[Brennie]

Is it possible for you to tell the organizers that you have specific dietary considerations and that while you very much want to join the group, you will be selecting and paying for your own food and beverages? I have a number of food allergies and I'd have to be quite careful about menu choices at a pub.

I think this could get awkward. Having no food allergies myself I would have no idea what is and isn't ok for me to eat with my "food allergy" that I have of course had all my life and that could lead to some embarrassing questions. After all anybody in the group could have any number of family members with said "FA" and if I ordered the wrong thing...things could go awry. 

[freakyfemme]

I wouldn't go to something like that, since I'm a vegetarian, and believe it or not, there are STILL people in this world who believe that fish and even CHICKEN are "vegetarian" options.  Also, I don't drink alcohol either, and I'm not crazy about fried food, so I wouldn't have any inclination to go to a pub.  I don't think it's rude, or high maintenance, or "non-team-playerish" to decide what you want to do with your money, and what you want to put into your body.  Those are fundamental rights that nobody should be denied, and dressing it up in pretty language doesn't make it okay.

[blarg314]

I don't know about the prices in your area, but I would personally be wary about going to a large group meal like that where we *didn't* pay in advance.  I've been to too many meals where someone leaves early and leaves money for the bill that doesn't quite cover what they payed for, or half the people forget to factor in tax and tip when they order and so they give 30% less than they should, or someone orders appetisers that no-one claims, or we split equally, but the organisers decide to order the more expensive options and wine by the bottle, or I end up subsidising the big, tall guys who eat three times as much as I do.  Then at the end we sit there until enough people throw in cash so we can leave.  It's worth it to me to pay two or three dollars more than I otherwise would to avoid hassle, unless the place will give separate bills.

What are tax and tip options in your area?  I'm used to 15% tax and 15% tip, which means that $15 is $11.50 for food, or, if there's a mandatory 20% tip for larger groups, $11 for food - which is fairly good for a meal at a pub.

Now, if the organisers are known for short changing people, that's a different story, and it's probably a good idea just to boycott the event and do your own thing.

[MrsP81]

I would just let them know that I will be ordering my food when I get there. If you are expected to pay for your own food anyway, it shouldn't matter how/when you order and pay for it.

[platys]

One, with parties of more than 10, the gratuitity is probably automatically applied, and is at least 18%.  Second, if you've ever been in a gathering where one or more people stiff, some people quickly end up paying for far more than their share.     Which would most likely be the organizers.  I don't blame them at all for asking people for money upfront.

(I once paid 30 bucks for a 8.95 dinner, no drink, thanks to folks at the end of table either just not paying, or maybe even took money out of the pile that was circulated.  I never went out to dinner with that group of folks again.)

It's 15 dollars, its the holiday season, and honestly, if it bugs you so much, you can organize the next gathering.  I've found that organizing anything is a pretty thankless task. 

[kingsrings]

The problem with NOT asking people to pay up front is that not everyone will pay.  I've been the "accountant" at the end of too many company meals and had to put in extra money because someone didn't have any money (then why did you - collective you - come?) or someone didn't put in enough to cover the tax and/or tip).  I think that collecting in advance is a smart idea. 

Well, I am sure in your case, it was known in advance that it was a "pay your own way" situation.  Just imagine the surprise of 6 Admin Assistants that were taken to a "upper-midrange" resturaunt by their big boss for Admin Professionals day, and then he had the server present us all with seperate checks...  I was struggling at the time as my roomie kept bouncing his rent checks he wrote to me and that meal (I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu) was $20.00+ that could have paid my weeks grocerys. (I was living on cereal, milk, noodles and salads)

Wow. I'm almost speechless. Just exactly what did he think he was doing for his staff for Admin. Professional Day, then? That almost sounds like he was being passive-aggresssive about something.

[Slartibartfast]

My suggestions:

1)  Call the pub/restaurant, and double-check that it would be okay to pay for your own food when you get there.

2)  Tell the organizers that you will be coming, but you're a picky eater (or whatever) and you will be paying for your own food the day of the event.  You've called the pub just to be sure, and they're fine with it.

3)  If you have any like-minded folk at your workplace, let them know what you're doing and they can opt to do the same thing if they want to.

4)  Go to the event, order your own food, socialize, and enjoy yourself - and be ready to stick up for yourself if someone decides you need to chip in for THEIR tip, etc.

[freakyfemme]

Nothing endears one to a group of peers like being the one who doesn't do the work but endlessly complains about those who do.  This is one night -- not much money -- an attempt to create a convenient party.  How big a deal is it if you don't get to choose exactly what you want at that very  moment?  I think you should either a. suck it up and have fun  b.  when you hand in your money say 'you know I really love those cheese sticks, can we be sure to include those' or c.  suck it up and get on the organizing committee next year.

Wasn't there just a thread on why "one-liners" like "suck it up" and "get over it/yourself" are rude?  Also, if I remember right, that wasn't the first time somebody did a thread like that.  I think the OP's concerns are legitimate, especially if she has certain dietary needs.  Personally, I'd hate to fork over $15 (which is way more than I'd pay for a meal), without knowing what that meal would be, and then finding out the day of that the meal would be something I couldn't have, like burgers or chicken wings.

[kingsrings]

Nothing endears one to a group of peers like being the one who doesn't do the work but endlessly complains about those who do.  This is one night -- not much money -- an attempt to create a convenient party.  How big a deal is it if you don't get to choose exactly what you want at that very  moment?  I think you should either a. suck it up and have fun  b.  when you hand in your money say 'you know I really love those cheese sticks, can we be sure to include those' or c.  suck it up and get on the organizing committee next year.

Wasn't there just a thread on why "one-liners" like "suck it up" and "get over it/yourself" are rude?  Also, if I remember right, that wasn't the first time somebody did a thread like that.  I think the OP's concerns are legitimate, especially if she has certain dietary needs.  Personally, I'd hate to fork over $15 (which is way more than I'd pay for a meal), without knowing what that meal would be, and then finding out the day of that the meal would be something I couldn't have, like burgers or chicken wings.

POD.

[platys]

My suggestions:

1)  Call the pub/restaurant, and double-check that it would be okay to pay for your own food when you get there.

2)  Tell the organizers that you will be coming, but you're a picky eater (or whatever) and you will be paying for your own food the day of the event.  You've called the pub just to be sure, and they're fine with it.

3)  If you have any like-minded folk at your workplace, let them know what you're doing and they can opt to do the same thing if they want to.

4)  Go to the event, order your own food, socialize, and enjoy yourself - and be ready to stick up for yourself if someone decides you need to chip in for THEIR tip, etc.

It's highly possible that they negotiated the rate with the pub up front, which is how they came to the 15 dollar a person price tag.  Pubs and bars this time of year often won't reserve tables/rooms without a guaranteed minimum take