For Librarians (and Savvy Patrons): Silliest Reference Questions

[Yarnspinner]

This is, I guess, a spin off of "Comments that Make Your Jaw Drop".

What are the silliest/craziest reference questions or requests you've had or over heard?  Have patrons ever phrased something in such a crazy way you had to unravel what they said to find a simple, easy to answer question inside?

Library Avenger used to call these Stupid Patron Tricks...I'll just call them
"Logic Impaired Patron Questions."

Top of my lists:

1) Teenager:  My teacher wants me to write about this famous black music group for Black History Month.  You got any books on them? 

Librarian:  Well, what's the name of the group?

Teenager: Martha Luther and Her Kings

2) Breathless Silly Question from teen:  "You got any famous dead black people in the back?"  (Why yes, we have them on ice right next to the famous dead white people.)

3) Who owns the moon?  I was listening to a radio station the other day and they were talking about a man in Brazil who owns rights to the moon and the U.S. had to pay him every time they landed on it.  (We never found anything on that one.)

4) How long does it take someone to die from strangulation? (According to the encyclopedia, it was 7 minutes and I think the guy calling had a bet with a friend in the bar he was calling from.

5) (Harrassed parent doing child's homework)  "Do you have the book about the day we bombed Chernobyl?" 

Anyone else?

[Sleepingmediocre]

Do I count as a librarian of sorts?  I'm the county recorder of deeds, and I'm also in charge of most of the record books (deeds, birth certificates, marriage licenses, etc.) from 1990 and before.  I get asked LOTS of stupid questions--once there was a lady who came in and said, "I'd like to sell my property, but the lawyer says I have to show him a deed first to prove I own it."  I offered to help her look up her deed in our records, and she said "Oh no, that would take too much time, and I'm in a hurry.  Can't you just draw me up something that looks official so I can take it over there?"   

I SO badly wanted to say, "Absolutely!  Have as many deeds as you want!  Which pieces of property would you like to own?"

[extranormal]

I did this decades ago and it still makes me cringe with embarrassment.

I was assigned a reading for a Spanish class, so I asked for it at the library. I was convinced the book had two authors, but the librarian said the only book she had with that title had only one author. The poor woman very kindly called around to other libraries for a good fifteen minutes only to discover that the book she had was, in fact, correct.

I've forgotten the actual names, but I did learn that day that some Spanish names have "y" (meaning "and") in them, so a name like "Jones and Smith" might be one person.

I couldn't face that librarian for the rest of the semester.

[blue_bunny_paz]

I was once asked if I knew a local artist called Pat. As it happened I worked out who the man meant, as she is fairly well known locally. He then said he didn't want a book, he wanted her home phone number so she could draw him a picture for an art competition he wanted to enter.

And then there was a girl who wanted "that blue book we have at school". She couldn't even give me a subject area.

[Sleepingmediocre]

Just thought of another one--someone comes into my office about once a week and tells me, "I need a copy of a deed."  When I ask them which deed they want, they say "The deed to my house."  OK, I'll type "MY HOUSE" into the computer and see what comes up...

Even better are the customers who, when asked "May I help you?" simply reply "Yes."  Now let me use my amazing psychic powers to figure out who you are and what you want...

[Slartibartfast]

Today I got "Miss Slartibartfast, what was the Great Depression?"  I gave the two teenagers a brief explanation (so they'd know where to look it up) . . . and saw them writing down "answers" to their assignment based on my very short summary.  I handed them the correct encyclopedia volume, and between the two of them they figured out how to find the alphabetical listing, although I don't think they really read it.  On their way out, they asked me "How do you KNOW all this stuff?"  I couldn't resist answering "I paid attention in school" - I really do like learning how things fit together (in science, history, or any other subject), and it's nice to share that sometimes.

I do kind of like when kids ask me questions - I can throw in all sorts of interesting facts they won't learn in school.  One girl even got extra credit when they were studying pirates and had to research buried treasure, and I pointed her to an article about a spammer last year who buried most of his net worth in gold bars somewhere on his parents' estate.  (Well, along with regular pirate books.)

On the other hand . . . a different boy today wouldn't believe me when I gave him a book on Henry Aaron, because his project was on "Aaron Hank the sports guy" (he didn't understand what the comma between Aaron and Hank meant), and anyway this was for "Henry", not Hank.  Despite the very first sentence starting "Henry (Hank) Aaron was born on suchandsuch a date . . ."  Fine, if you come to the library and don't like the answer the librarian gives you, go find your own 

[IndianInlaw]

I worked at a college.  I didn't usually have contact with the students, but I was filling in for a coworker who was out.

A former student and his father came in.  The student wanted me to sign a paper stating he had been a student between such and such dates. He had apparently gotten money for going to college, when he didn't.

I told him all I could do was issue a transcript, which would indicate he hadn't attended.

Like I wanted to aid him in defrauding the federal government.

[Yarnspinner]

Ya'll are making me feel better about my patrons!

I remembered another one today.  A woman called me (during my days as a reference librarian) and asked me what kind of name was Vanderschoot.  I replied that I believed it was Dutch, but could look it up.  She said that was good enough.  Then she asked me if I would listen to a message left on her answering machine by the aforementioned Mr. Vanderschoot.  It was a fuzzy tape at best and I could not make out word one.  Oh dear, she said, she had a blind date with the man and she was concerned because she thought he sounded like an African American.  Before I could respond, she went on to say that she had just ended things with an abusive boyfriend and thought that by starting to date, she would get across to him the notion that she didn't want to be with him.

At this point, I wanted to say "Please give me Mr. Vanderschoot's phone number so I can call him and warn him that your ex may show up to kill  him." 

Another woman called us to ask help find out about her new fiance.  It seemed that he currently owned a home, but for twenty years prior to that he didn't seem to have a fixed address.  She wanted us to go through city directories and find out if he was married and where he had lived.  She finally admitted that she had driven past the homes of his ex girl friends to see if his car was inthe drive way. 

And, finally for tonight, a colleague got the following call on the reference desk:

A woman called in and in the background a child was shrieking in pain.  He was screaming so loud, I could hear him.

Woman:  What do I do for bee stings?  My son just got stung.

Colleague:  Ma'am, I can't advise you on medical matters.  You need to take your son to the emergency room now.

Woman:  Don't you tell me my business.  You get a book and tell me what it says to do.

Colleague (reading from book):  It says that if you are stung by a bee you should go immediately to the hospital or your doctor.

The woman called him a very nasty name and slammed the phone down.

Wish we could have traced the call and sent Child Protective Services in. 

[MerryRaven]

Okay this is kind of sad.

A woman was trying to access the local newpaper archives to get an obituary and I helped her find it and print it. 

She then asked me how a person could get a picture of a prisoner at the county jail.  The obituary was of her ex-boyfriend and the only picture she knew he had taken was when he was arrested once. 

Others:

"When was Cambodia part of the British Empire?"  (It wasn't)

"Can I get DVD's in IMAX format?"

"Do you have the book "The Day She Blew" by Wally Lamb (actual title "I Know This Much Is True?")

"Do you have the "Brothers Kamakazi" by that Russian guy, Dusty something" (adult male)

"Humans embryos grow in fractal spaces and are born in square rooms so that is why some people cannot do math.  Can you get me books on elementary fractals so I can learn to draw them so I can do math?"  (a woman in her 40's).

[wendelenn]

"I need the opera 'Hansel and Gretel' by Engelbert Pumpernickel."
____________________


"Where is your Leo Poultry Branch located?"  (it's really named after Leo Politi, a children's author."

__________

"Are you open today?"  (No, I am just answering the phone for the fun of it.)

_____________________________
One of my fellow librarians always answered the phone: "Library, B--- and M----"; where B and M were the NAMES of the 2 cross streets of the library.  The most common question he got?  You guessed it:  "Where are you located?"

[Lunadiana75]

Years ago I worked at a place that had information for people moving to Seattle (we had relocation packets that had info on jobs, housing culture etc...). People would often mistake us for the tourist bereau. No problem, I kept their phone number on hand and directed people to the right place. But you have no idea how many times I got the question "Yeah, I'm visiting Seattlethis summer, is itgoing to rain?"  Well gee, let just consult my crystal ball here.  Or one of my personal faves "My family ismoving to Seattle, we want to get a house in the city for $100,000, where can I find one?"  North Dakota.  I'm sorry sir, that simply does not exist. 

[IndianInlaw]

I go to a rather low end health clinic.  Sometimes the receptionists are in meetings and they post a sign that says to just have a seat and someone will come out and call you at your appointment time.


These TWO incidents occurred simultaneously:

A child is running around, slamming the door, etc.  Child's mother does not speak a word of English.   A clinic worker came out to call one of the patients and  Child's mother pounces on her. Clinic worker does not speak Spanish, so another waiting patient translates.    Child and his mother do not have an appointment.  They have just moved here from another country and have run out of ritalin.  Never mind that they need an intake appointment and maybe an evaluation, they need it NOW! (Boy, did they ever!)

If this were a medical emergency, they could get a prescription at the ER, but not for ritalin.

At that SAME time, a guy (at least he spoke English) came in NEEDING a note for Social Security.  Right now!  He needed a note stating that he was able to handle his own finances, or he wouldn't get his check and would get evicted (that day!) and lose his daughter.

He (all together now) needed an intake appointment and maybe an evaluation.   

I know for a fact, nobody just popped up that day and told him he needed documentation.  The wheels of Social Security grind very, very, slowly. If he wasn't competent, he could have designated a payee.

As for evictions, you have to be in arrears for 30 days before they can even start court proceedings.

Wonder what he was up to.

[Yarnspinner]

"The Day She Blew" by Wally Lamb.   

Or maybe the story they were looking for was "This Much I Know to Be True--She's Really Come Undone"

I know I should not be judgemental about what other people read but when I get requests from patrons for "I'd like another good book from Triple Crown Press" I have to chew through my tongue to keep from saying "Look, you either want a GOOD book OR  you want one from Triple Crown Press.  You can't have both."  For those who don't know: Triple Crown Press--I  hope I got the name right--publishes exclusively "urban chick-lit novels".  Titles like "Mama, I'm In Love With a Gangstah" "The G Spot"  (It's a night club, but halfway through, darned if the heroine's heroine dealing new boyfriend doesn't help her locate hers.)  "My Husband's On the Down Low and Doesn't Know I Know."  I thought the Bertrice Small historical (I use the term loosely) romance novels were mind boggling until I had to skim through some of these.  My eyes!  My eyes!

[MerryRaven]

I get questions such as "I am looking for a book I read about 10 years ago and I know you had it here.  It was about a girl and she fell in love with this guy who was a Scottish Lord (or a Native American).  It had a pink cover.  Where is it?"

Actually, about 7 times out of 10 if someone asks about a plot-line for a mystery or sometimes SciFi/Fantasy, I can figure it out.  It might take me some time, but I can usually find it given enough information.

I hate the question, "What do you have that is like Dannielle Steel?"  I know she is very popular but her books don't interest me and I have never been able to get through one.  I have a compiled a list of authors that others have told me about so I can suggest things, but it is still one of my least favorite questions.

Now that tax time approaches, I get tax questions which I am not allowed to answer.  We can direct people to websites and books and get forms for them off line, but we are not allowed to tell them which forms they need.

[Lunadiana75]

But you have no idea how many times I got the question "Yeah, I'm visiting Seattlethis summer, is itgoing to rain?"

Oh that's easy. Yes.

Well, it depends on how you define "rain".  For us Seattleites, there's a a mist, a drizzle, a sprinkle, droplets, actual raining, downpour, sheeting and the final stage "was that a manhole cover that just floated by?".  And we have actually had a consecutive weeks when it doesn't rain.  But then again, those of us born and raised don't count misting, drizzling, sprinkling or dropletting as actually raining persay.