For Librarians (and Savvy Patrons): Silliest Reference Questions

[Brentwood]

I'm not a librarian but as a former radio DJ, I was once expected to know everything. Here is one of my favorites:

Caller: What's the phone number of the new floral shop in town?

Me: I'm sorry, I don't know.

Caller: Why not?

Me: I didn't know there was a new floral shop, and I probably wouldn't have memorized their number anyway.

Caller: Could you look it up?

Me: I'm afraid not. I'm busy just now.

Caller: Well, that's what you're there for!


 

[Brentwood]

I SO badly wanted to say, "Absolutely!  Have as many deeds as you want!  Which pieces of property would you like to own?"

I'll take Boarwalk, Park Place, and Ventnor Avenue, please.

[Sleepingmediocre]

I SO badly wanted to say, "Absolutely!  Have as many deeds as you want!  Which pieces of property would you like to own?"

I'll take Boarwalk, Park Place, and Ventnor Avenue, please.

   You know, nobody's ever tried to buy Monopoly property from me before.  Congratulations, you're the first!

I wonder how many customers are going to try this now that the idea has been released into the wild...

[Brentwood]

That is only the tip of the iceberg and then someone said today that they would love to work in a library and read books all day.  This was after I had been crawling around under the counter frantically switching out computers.

That's very similar to "I'd love to be a DJ and only work 4 hours a day and just listen to music."

[IndianInlaw]

Cathy

http://www.kissthisguy.com/lyric.php?id=653

 

[Yarnspinner]

ACK!  I love the line "I'd like to be a lie-berrian and sit around all day reading books."  A woman asked me once how one gets to be a lie-berrian.  I started explaining what I did (BA in Literature and American History, MLS and then....) she stopped me when I got to the computer courses I had taken and snapped "If I want to work HARD I'll become a ditch digger."

AND a jolly good day to you, too, entitlement princess.


When we first got the internet, there was a nice, but technologically and information challenged lady that wanted to use the web.  I got her started and was poised to do the search for her, but no, she was going to do it HERSELF.  Okay, cool.  At this time we did not limit people's time using the web (who knew?) and so about a half hour in, I stopped by to ask if she was doing okay. 

She wasn't.  She needed to find information on Jimmy Carter.   She had typed "Presidents" into Web Crawler (does anyone even still USE Web Crawler?) and was slogging through thousands of articles about presidents--from every country on the planet and a few that might have been on Mars.

I suggested she type in "Jimmy Carter" or "James Earl Carter".  "The more specific you make the search, the better" I explained.  But, no.  She wasn't having it.  Using "Presidents" would give her a wider variety of options, she said, to choose from.  Well, sure, if you HAVE the rest of your life.  She was very gentle, but told me in no uncertain terms to leave her alone.

An hour and a half later, she struggles up to my desk in tears.  I felt horrible looking at her:  her mascara was pouring down her face,her nose was red...it wasn't pretty.  "The computer is broken, it won't give me what I want."  We went back to the computer (me having a panic attack because I had only started using the net myself and didn't know how to fix it).  It wasn't broken.  At all.  It just couldn't figure out what she wanted.  She'd typed in "United States."  That's it.

I used my "Reference Interview Style" on her and asked "Ma'am could you be a bit more specific about what you need to know."

Patron (wailing):  I want his birth date so I can send him a birthday caaaaaaaaaard!!!!!!!!

As kindly as I could I said "We could have found that a lot faster for you if you had just asked me.  Do you need his address as well?"

She: No.  I have that.  I just need the date.

I did the unforgiveable.  I grabbed volume "C" from World Book, flipped it open to Carter and read off the birth date.  She just cried harder.

And WHY was she crying harder???

She said "I can't uuuuussssseeeeee that information!  It isn't up to date!!!!!"

I guess Jimmy Carter had been born and reborn a few times since the birthdate quoted in the World Book.

[Mrs. Eclipse]

That is only the tip of the iceberg and then someone said today that they would love to work in a library and read books all day.  This was after I had been crawling around under the counter frantically switching out computers.

That's very similar to "I'd love to be a DJ and only work 4 hours a day and just listen to music."

I'd love to be  a stage hand, and just hang out at shows for free and meet rock stars.

"Me, too.  Unfortunately, they make me do my job when I'm on the clock."

[Twik]

I guess Jimmy Carter had been born and reborn a few times since the birthdate quoted in the World Book.

I guess she'd heard that, as an evangelical Christian, Jimmy Carter had been born again.

[extranormal]

I'm not a librarian, but I did have one of the kids in our elementary school age Latin club ask me last week how to say "tractor" in Latin. No Latin scholar, I headed for the dictionary before my brain engaged.

[MerryRaven]

I helped a lady set up a Hotmail account last week.

She came in today complaining that it didn't work.  Well it works just fine on the library computers. 
It doesn't work on her home computer.

We finally figured out it was because she is NOT connected to the internet.   No dial-up even, no broadband and no wireless.

She said "But I thought you provided free e-mail to people."

[IndianInlaw]

TWIK!!!!

[Yarnspinner]

Merry Raven, my mouth just  hit the keyboard.  I can't wait to share this one.

[punkinhead]

One of the absolute silliest (or extremely hopeful) was an email that went something like this:

Hi _____ Library,

I know a girl who I think moved to Florida a while back, and I've lost contact with her.  I would really like to get back into contact because I think maybe we could have a relationship.  The thing is, I can't remember her last name, but her first name is Megan, and she has red hair.  Do you know where she is?

Of course, the one where the patron wanted a state background check for a "dating history" on someone was also pretty good ...

[punkinhead]

But then again, those of us born and raised don't count misting, drizzling, sprinkling or dropletting as actually raining persay. 

Heck, you don't even need an umbrella for that stuff.

Yesterday I got caught in the actual rain without an umbrella.  I was only mildly annoyed, and mostly surprised that I really needed one.  It's been a long time since I needed an umbrella. 

Posting again already!  We had one very angry email from someone who had visited Florida, and said he was *never* coming back again.  He didn't say why, so we gave him contacts for the Tourism promoters, and suggested he report any bad experiences to them.  He wrote us back, thanking us - and telling us that he and his wife had come for a vacation in September, and surprise, surprise!  ran right into a tropical storm, and the place they stayed had rain for the entire three days.  Wow, tropical storms in Florida .. during hurricane season .. who'd have thought?  And no such thing like the weather channel or NOAA exists to help you check that stuff out beforehand.

[at5115]

By far, the most dreaded patron at Anywhere State University Library, was the "Weather Lady."  She would call the reference desk every few days - every few hours during Hurricane Season - and ask for information regarding hurricanes.  The way she phrased the question - here is a real reference question! - caught me at first.  Forty-five minutes later I realized that she just wanted me to read, verbatim, the entire contents of the Weather Channel's up-to-date (and pages long!) summary on any given Hurricane (in particular, during Katrina).  Eventually, I queried, "Can I give you the webpage?"  Apparently, she had no internet connection, but lived on campus (and internet connectivity was free for community users as well as students) and felt that "this is your job!" 

I found out later that she actually had come perilously close to obtaining a MLIS from Anywhere State University!  This is what GREs are for.

My boss at the time was a very nice senior librarian... who was very forgiving to the homeless population who took over the library during 9-5 (when they weren't allowed to be in the shelter down the block).  She laughed, but didn't quite believe the urine stains near the community terminals (finding a computer - and keeping it - was downright mercinary), the dirty socks tucked between books in the stacks, cigarette butts periodically on seats,  or the man who couldn't keep his pants on when girls were around ( I am not making this up ) .  Until one fine afternoon, she opened the door to the women's bathroom (this is a heavily populated bathroom, near the front door) and found a shirtless woman bathing in the sink.  Personally, I was happy that she was bathing (the pd had to ask a man to leave that had saturated two floors with his delightful aroma), although the female police officers who came to evict her drew straws to see who would confront the woman.  My boss definately believed us after that 

MA