Author Topic: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*  (Read 13718 times)

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LB

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Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« on: February 28, 2008, 10:44:23 AM »
I've thought about using this phrase before, but didn't think it sounded natural coming from me. Well, I learned that given the right situation, it flows pretty naturally!

I guess I've been lucky that in all the time I've been overweight, I've never gotten a rude comment about it until now. I've been working with a nutritionist since October and have lost 38 lbs so far. My plan includes eating about 5 or 6 times a day, at regularly scheduled intervals. Eating at my desk has never been a problem with my boss as long as I don't do it when clients are in my office.
 
I've been spending some time in a different office this week because they were shorthanded. When I was asked to fill in, I asked the office manager if she would have a problem with me having snacks at the desk where I would be working. She said she didn't care as long as I was discreet and kept it out of view of clients. No problem.

My first day at the office, I arrive at 8:00 a.m. I am eating my first snack at 8:30 a.m. when Therapist arrives. He kind of eyes my food, but just says hello and goes to his office. He leaves at 12:00 for lunch, at which time he sees me eating my turkey sandwich and yogurt. He comes out to the front desk again around 3:00 p.m. and of course I'm eating again. The second day proceeds almost exactly like the first, with him coming around just at the times I happen to be eating.

It was too much for him. He approached me as I was eating my 3:00 meal and said "You know, you really eat a lot. That might be part of your...you know...problem." and he made some kind of gesture (waving his hand up and down) that I'm guessing was meant to indicate my body.

I just looked at him for a few seconds before I said "It's very kind of you to take an interest." Perfect timing because the phone rang as soon as I finished the sentence and I turned my back on him to answer it.

He walked into the office managers office and I heard him say "Crap, I think I offended the new girl."  ::)
« Last Edit: March 03, 2008, 09:36:12 PM by Kalila »

Samantha

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2008, 10:47:53 AM »
That is excellent timing on the phone! And I love that he actually realized that he crossed the line with his comment (even though it wasn't him directly acknowledging it to you).

(C) Get Fuzzy 5.13.07



 


WildChild@Heart

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2008, 12:03:53 PM »
Head smacks desk top. The guy is a therapist, he makes a comment like that........and he only thinks he might have offended you?  ::)
“Don't outsmart your common sense."

LB

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2008, 01:02:38 PM »
How petty is it that I was pretty annoyed at the "new girl" comment too? I've worked for this place for nearly 7 years. He's the new one! He just doesn't know me because I work in a different office.

Laura

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2008, 01:09:29 PM »
How petty is it that I was pretty annoyed at the "new girl" comment too? I've worked for this place for nearly 7 years. He's the new one! He just doesn't know me because I work in a different office.

That's not petty; I'd be annoyed too.

Congrats on your weight loss success!

LB

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2008, 03:19:00 PM »
I don't know whether to laugh or cry... about half an hour ago I received the following email from the office manager:

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

First of all - does that email strike anyone else as...I don't know, kind of stiff? I'm not sure how else to describe it. It just seems weird.
Second - wouldn't his "sincerest apologies" come directly from him? He has email too (I didn't have any more contact with him between the comment and when I left the office yesterday).
Third - was that even an apology??

LB

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2008, 03:20:18 PM »
Congrats on your weight loss success!

Thank you! 

rashea

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2008, 03:51:56 PM »
Go talk to office manager and ask why he thinks that it would be appropriate for someone to send apologies through another person. Make it clear that you think Therapist should be talked to about the fact that it is never appropriate for someone to comment on the weight or eating habits of another person.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2008, 03:57:31 PM »
I don't know whether to laugh or cry... about half an hour ago I received the following email from the office manager:

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

First of all - does that email strike anyone else as...I don't know, kind of stiff? I'm not sure how else to describe it. It just seems weird.
Second - wouldn't his "sincerest apologies" come directly from him? He has email too (I didn't have any more contact with him between the comment and when I left the office yesterday).
Third - was that even an apology??


I think I'd give the Therapist the benefit of the doubt and let it go. Yes, the e-mail is a little formal, but it's delivered during company time using company resources, and that may be the office manager's style, too.  Sounds like Therapist is truly apologetic, spoke before really thinking, and just delivered the apology through the wrong channel.  Smile and say Hi next time you see him.   :)

Trisha

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2008, 05:05:20 PM »
"Crap, I think I offended the new girl."  ::)


Ya THINK!

How thick can he be!?

POF

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #10 on: February 28, 2008, 05:15:35 PM »
Actually I think the OFFICE MANAGER  is concerned that you will file a harrassment greivance.

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

1) he nevers says they were inappropriate - he is AFRAID that YOU will construe them as such.

2)he says that YOU failed to receive them - he was being helpful apparently in brining it to your attention that you are overweight.


I would reply something to the effect that you did not construe the comments as inappropriate - that comments outside of a theraputecial setting regarding anyone's health are typically unprofessional and inappropriate.

I would also mention that apologies typically work best first hand.

Then I would cc human resources .......





LB

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #11 on: February 29, 2008, 12:51:17 PM »
After thinking about it, I realized the reason the email sounded strange to me is because I had emailed back and forth with the office manager before and she had never sounded that formal.

I called her up to ask her why Therapist sent the apology through her. After that conversation, I strongly suspect that Therapist doesn't know anything about the apology he sent me.  :P

I went to my boss and told her the whole story. She was appalled and asked me if I wanted to complain to HR. I told her no, but that I would be declining any requests to fill in at that office anymore, and I didn't mind if she told them why.

She told me she would refuse any requests before they even got to me (they have to go through her before they ask me).

So anyway...stupid comment but it didn't affect me nearly the way it would have in the past. I'm going to drop it.

Oxymoroness

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #12 on: February 29, 2008, 12:53:44 PM »
"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

Dear Office Manager,

I would be happy to accept his apologies as soon as he offers them to me.

Kalila

amaiaisabella

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #13 on: February 29, 2008, 12:58:43 PM »
"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

Dear Office Manager,

I would be happy to accept his apologies as soon as he offers them to me.

Kalila

Exactly what Oxymoroness said.

And it's your choice whether to drop it or not, but just my 2 cents - keep all the emails!

rashea

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #14 on: February 29, 2008, 01:09:18 PM »

I called her up to ask her why Therapist sent the apology through her. After that conversation, I strongly suspect that Therapist doesn't know anything about the apology he sent me.  :P


See, that's what was bugging me. I wondered about this. I think the Therapist went to the office manager in a CYA move, and the office manager did the same.

Glad your boss gets it and is backing you up!
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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