Author Topic: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*  (Read 13602 times)

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Twik

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2008, 02:47:21 PM »
Actually I think the OFFICE MANAGER  is concerned that you will file a harrassment greivance.

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

1) he nevers says they were inappropriate - he is AFRAID that YOU will construe them as such.

2)he says that YOU failed to receive them - he was being helpful apparently in brining it to your attention that you are overweight.


I would reply something to the effect that you did not construe the comments as inappropriate - that comments outside of a theraputecial setting regarding anyone's health are typically unprofessional and inappropriate.

I would also mention that apologies typically work best first hand.

Then I would cc human resources .......


Yep, classic non-apology (particularly as apparently it didn't really come from Therapist.

Basically, it's saying that (1) Therapist was giving you genuinely helpful input, rather than being a noseyparker, and (2) you're the one with the problem if you took it otherwise. It almost implies that you should go to Therapist, pat him on the head, and tell him you apologize for making HIM feel uncomfortable.
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Shortcake

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2008, 11:59:23 AM »
Actually I think the OFFICE MANAGER  is concerned that you will file a harrassment greivance.

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

1) he nevers says they were inappropriate - he is AFRAID that YOU will construe them as such.

2)he says that YOU failed to receive them - he was being helpful apparently in brining it to your attention that you are overweight.


I would reply something to the effect that you did not construe the comments as inappropriate - that comments outside of a theraputecial setting regarding anyone's health are typically unprofessional and inappropriate.

I would also mention that apologies typically work best first hand.

Then I would cc human resources .......


Yep, classic non-apology (particularly as apparently it didn't really come from Therapist.

Basically, it's saying that (1) Therapist was giving you genuinely helpful input, rather than being a noseyparker, and (2) you're the one with the problem if you took it otherwise. It almost implies that you should go to Therapist, pat him on the head, and tell him you apologize for making HIM feel uncomfortable.

The part I have bolded is the part that is bothering me about this non-apology. IMO, it looks like the responsibility is put on the OP to receive the comments the appropriate way.
An apology should be: I am sorry I said........, not I am sorry you took it wrong when I said......!
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Brentwood

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2008, 12:23:04 PM »
Head smacks desk top. The guy is a therapist, he makes a comment like that........and he only thinks he might have offended you?  ::)

Yes. I had the same reaction.

Brentwood

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2008, 12:24:48 PM »
I don't know whether to laugh or cry... about half an hour ago I received the following email from the office manager:

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

First of all - does that email strike anyone else as...I don't know, kind of stiff? I'm not sure how else to describe it. It just seems weird.
Second - wouldn't his "sincerest apologies" come directly from him? He has email too (I didn't have any more contact with him between the comment and when I left the office yesterday).
Third - was that even an apology??


May have been construed as in inappropriate? Uh, no. They WERE inappropriate comments, period. And yes, you are right - if he wants to apologize to you, it should come from him.

LB

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2008, 09:35:03 PM »
This is why I love my boss!

Office Manager called my boss today to ask about me coming up to help out again. So, this is the conversation that took place (as best as I can remember it), according to my boss.

OM: We were wondering if Kalila could come help us again next week.
Boss: No, I'm sorry, she won't be available.
OM: Ok, how about the week after.
Boss: No, I mean she won't be available to come there again at all.
OM:...You mean, ever?
Boss: That's correct.
OM: Um, why?
Boss: Kalila was uncomfortable with the inappropriate comments made to her by Therapist. She is not comfortable in that office, and I will not put her in that situation again.
OM: Oh, that. Well, didn't she tell you that he apologized?
Boss: No. But she did show me the email you sent her.
OM: Oh. We'd really like to have her. She was so much help, she did everything right!
Boss: Yes, I know. She's wonderful.
OM:...
Boss: You have a nice day. Bye, now.


She's awesome.  :D


amaiaisabella

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #20 on: March 03, 2008, 11:25:39 PM »
Bosses like that are worth their weight in chocolate :)

Trisha

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #21 on: March 03, 2008, 11:28:36 PM »
Bosses like that are worth their weight in chocolate :)

I agree, would that be appropriate in your office setting? I'd bring in some type of goodies to share with everyone. Say "I really appreciate you sticking up for me, so I brought treats for the office today."

LB

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2008, 08:03:16 AM »
Bosses like that are worth their weight in chocolate :)

I agree, would that be appropriate in your office setting? I'd bring in some type of goodies to share with everyone. Say "I really appreciate you sticking up for me, so I brought treats for the office today."

There wouldn't be a problem with it if she weren't on a strict diet (chocolate is her weakness! I don't want to be held responsible!  ;)). But I did find a book the other day that I know she'd love. I think I'll go get it for her.

Minmom3

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #23 on: March 04, 2008, 05:24:23 PM »
Kalila, your boss DOES rock, no doubt about it.  I guess my one complaint with the way this was resolved was that nobody (it appears) came out and SAID that what the Therapist said was inappropriate, and that he also failed to apologize directly to you.  Said it bluntly.  I'd like to have seen that happen, but at least the Boss turned them down flat, and they know it's because they did something. 

She does deserve a reward....   :D
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goblue2539

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #24 on: March 06, 2008, 05:22:55 PM »
I just love the fact that Kalila's boss left the Office Manager speechless and sputtering by not arguing with her.  I think that probably worked a LOT better than bluntness.  Even though the cold hard truth would have been more satisfying, I'd hate to see Kalila's boss banging her head against a brick wall with no progress. 

Asha

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #25 on: March 25, 2008, 11:16:01 AM »
Another thought is a cute pad of post-its... "Thank you for sticking up for me."

LJM

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #26 on: June 08, 2008, 10:51:07 PM »
Kalila, your boss DOES rock, no doubt about it.  I guess my one complaint with the way this was resolved was that nobody (it appears) came out and SAID that what the Therapist said was inappropriate, and that he also failed to apologize directly to you.  Said it bluntly. 

Actually, yes Boss did:

...
Boss: Kalila was uncomfortable with the inappropriate comments made to her by Therapist...
...
OM: Oh, that. Well, didn't she tell you that he apologized?
Boss: No. But she did show me the email you sent her.
...

In an appropriate office setting, that counts as blunt.  :)

hobish

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #27 on: June 08, 2008, 11:29:28 PM »

Wow, that's awesome. Your boss is great.
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Lynda_34

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts. *Small update pg. 2*
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2008, 10:25:50 PM »
You're boss is wonderful.
My evil twin would have been inclined to e mail the therapist and accept the apology.  oohhhh :P

MrsJWine

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Re: Didn't think I'd have the guts.
« Reply #29 on: July 24, 2008, 08:45:59 AM »
I don't know whether to laugh or cry... about half an hour ago I received the following email from the office manager:

"Dear Kalila,
Therapist thinks that his comments to you yesterday may have been construed as innappropriate and not received in the helpful manner that he meant them. He asked me to convey to you his sincerest apologies.
Office Manager."

First of all - does that email strike anyone else as...I don't know, kind of stiff? I'm not sure how else to describe it. It just seems weird.
Second - wouldn't his "sincerest apologies" come directly from him? He has email too (I didn't have any more contact with him between the comment and when I left the office yesterday).
Third - was that even an apology??


First:  Yeah, very stiff.
Second:  Yeah, again.  What is he, twelve?
Third:  No, not an apology.  What he really said was, "I was just trying to help you with your... you know, problem.  You didn't have to get all bent out of shape over it.  So now I'm 'taking the high road' and 'apologizing' in an effort to make you feel bad and assuage my own guilt.  Notice how I'm not apologizing for my actions, but for your response to those action, thereby placing the blame on you in the form of a sincere apology?  Yeah, that means I'm really not sorry."


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