Gettin' Dirty!

[Clara Bow]

I'm going to be delicate as possible here....what do you do when your friends begin discussing "private activities of an adult nature"? Now, I think we all have one or two very close girlfriends who we've dished a little dirt with but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about people you don't know quite that well, but who are still friends, talking about their lovelives. I'm not a prude, just very private, and that kind of thing embarrasses me a bit. I either change the subject, or just make a hasty exit. Is there a better way to handle this? I think I'm the only one it bothers, probably because I'm older than these people and I think that they're a little too young to understand the faux pas.....well, they're not that young, early twenties....

[RoseRose]

I would tell them that you're uncomfortable with the conversation.  I tend to be rather open with my love life with my friends, and I'll start out slow, but if you don't TELL me you're uncomfortable, I'm liable to be a bit too detailed for polite company.  You tell me you're uncomfortable, I'll knock it off immediatly.  Of course, I only even START getting detailed with people I consider myself close to... but if they really are your friends, they should stop if they know the conversation makes you ucomfortable.  I can't imagine NOT stopping if I knew I was making someone uncomfortable, and I'd only ever start if I thought the person would be okay with it.  (Which is why my best friend doesn't know much.  She may be an absolute sweetheart, but there's also something... virginal about her.)

But... I'd just tell them it makes you uncomfortable.

[Twik]

I believe Miss Manners suggests asking them "I don't understand - what does that have to do with me? Why do you think I need to know this?"

Or, I suppose you could try something like, "Really?? You did that?!? Oh, gosh, wait till I tell the guys at work/school/church group. They LOVE it when I tell them all about the crazy things you and your honey get up to! They think it's hilarious!"

If they object to you passing on private information, explain that they gave you no hint you considered it to be private.

(Edited to add that I REALLY don't recommend option #2.)

[Clara Bow]

Like I said, I'm not a prude, I just don't neccessarily want to hear about the sex life of a person I haven't known that long...thanks for the advice...

[Slartibartfast]

I have a co-worker who got into one of those too-close-for-comfort discussions with me once, and now thinks I want to know about when her kids found her box of "adult entertainment toys" and what her discussion with them was, and which positions her husband likes the best, and when she forgot to take her pill but then the test came back negative . . . I see this lady maybe once a month, and it certainly is informative, but geez!  I don't need to know!

[hellgirl]

I think I'd stick with just changing the subject - very obviously...

Them: "Anyway, we had the best Friday night - I bought this french maid's outfit, and Bob just got all xxxx when he saw it..."
You: "Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen that new movie by whats-her-name yet?"

Although now I'm having amusing visions of them continuing valiantly with their conversation and you with yours and them wondering what on earth you're talking about a movie for when they're trying to tell you how they're so proud to be getting laid dag nab it!

ooohhh... maybe you could respond with "yeah, it took a while for the novelty [of being sexually active] to wear off for me too, but don't worry, soon you'll have done it enough it won't be worth mentioning..."

[IndianInlaw]

That's why I have no friends.

[Pixie]

I try to gently hint, and if that doesn't work I just come right out and say  "WAY too much information".

[platys]

I think it depends on the context.  If its a one on one conversation, then sure, saying you aren't comfy with the topic is appropriate.

But nothing annoys me more than having a fun happy conversation in a group, when all of a sudden someone insists that we just can't talk about whatever topic.   One time, a lady in our hobby group said we shouldn't talk about hair removal techniques.

I mean, I sit through incredibly boring conversations of the joy of breastfeeding and potty training - folks can listen to me and the "young singles" talk about how hot that guy is.

(A fair number of us ended up splitting off from the main group because we got sick of the whole prudishness.  And a few other things too.)

[Akarui Kibuno]

Hmm, well, sometimes I'm annoyed about that even if I know the person.

For example, for some time, my own activities of the sort were sort of non-existant due to some problem. Mr Kibbs (the only fitting nickname I've found for him so far ) was being nice enough to be, but things led to others and voilą.

Meanwhile, his best friend, Mister V, meets my cousin, Miss S, on a Tuesday and she goes to see him the following Friday night.

Saturday afternoon, they come pick me up after work (3:30 PM) since we're supposed to have dinner at Mom's place, where Miss S lives at the moment.

... they insist on going back by foot (15 minutes walk). During that walk, I was treated to their "breakthrough" of doing "things" for "quite some time" (aka all night). The moment they started this, I started moving faster than them. Miss S started insisting, so I literally ran (as much as I could, with my obesity and all) to Mom's, took off my coat, passed out on the couch and told Mom they are disgusting in some way.

They thought I was a fool for running ahead of them like that, but I mean, I love both of them (Miss S a bit less since things happened in the house, but still) but this isn't something to discuss like that, without warning, even with people you know really well. Especially since you've never talked about it before (Mister V said something too and I was horrified because, while he could make some jokes about the thing in general, it was mild up until that point).

I'm not that much of a prude, but sometimes, from some people, it annoys me to no end. Some people just don't care about who they have in front of them when they decide to talk, it seems u_u .

[Clara Bow]

I agree...and when I'm talking to one of the very few (read currently three on this earth and one is hubby) people I will dish a little dirt with I don't mind so much. But in mixed company?? It makes me uncomfortable. Especially when the two participants in the aforementioned activity are the ones discussing it....

[veryfluffy]

I think it's perfectly fine to indicate that the turn of conversation isn't exactly your sort of thing...If you can say it with a raised eyebrow, expression that is simultaneously bored and shocked, and a tone that both conveys a sense of humour and absolute finality:

"I think that's a lot more information than I really needed to have!"

"You're giving me a lot more detail than I wanted here!"

"That's all very interesting, but I think I'd rather wait and read the book you ought to write."

"No one could ever accuse you of being economical with the truth, eh?"

"I don't suppose you've heard the phrase, 'discretion is the better part of valour'?"

[CrayonOutlines]

ooohhh... maybe you could respond with "yeah, it took a while for the novelty [of being sexually active] to wear off for me too, but don't worry, soon you'll have done it enough it won't be worth mentioning..."

HA!!!! Thanks for the laugh.  That's a great response!

I also think veryfluffy's suggestions are good ones.

What about NICELY saying, "I'm not a prude, but do you think we can talk about something else?  I don't feel that I know you well enough to know these things about you."

[Suze]

Boy can I relate to this thread.....and a little guilty myself.......oppps

I work in a factory (sort of, I work in an electronics room) mostly women and a few men.  And women being women we tend to "share" sometimes a little too much info about "girl stuff" not "private activites of an adult nature" but a lot of other stuff.  (most us have also worked together for over 20 years, so we are comfortable talking with each other.)

Sometimes we kinda forget that one of the guys is sitting at our table with us (Kurt is really very quite) untill we hear  ----- GUY TABLE - GUY TABLE ------ and see him sitting with his hands over his ears.

Opps ..... sorry about that, and change the subject quick.

[VorFemme]

There are some topics of conversation that need to be saved for ONLY those who were present at the time of the activity you are talking about or those who are EXPERTS in the field.  (mattress dancing comes to mind for this category and medical information comes a close second)

There are others that are best talked about by those who have shared a similar experience and possibly want to get additional information as they are about to share that experience.  Toilet training tips, pregnancy symptoms, and similar issues come to mind - but there are probably a lot of subjects that qualify.

Then there are the subjects that we call "spoilers" - what happened in a book, movie, tv show, or some such that the others in the group might want to WAIT until they have a chance to get the new Harry Potter book, watch the show, or whatever...........

There are subjects that are of general interest - best place to eat in local area, suggestions for a good movie or book, and the weather come to mind..........there are still those who could take any subject and run it into the ground, somehow...........but it is harder to do that with the "general" subjects.