Author Topic: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?  (Read 10718 times)

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auntmeegs

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Re: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?
« Reply #30 on: March 21, 2008, 10:45:43 AM »
Like in your example, auntmeegs - let's assume you couldn't go to dinner for some reason you didn't want to tell your sister - but she's not out of line for inviting you to dinner, so you don't want to make her feel bad, or give her a verbal cut (which is sometimes how IATWBP comes out) - you could say "Aww gee, that sounds so nice. Wish I could, but I just don't think I'm going to be able to make it tonight..."

But then again, sis is probably still going to want to know why...

But I stand by the idea that misplaced, the phrase can be cruel.

I agree that misplaced, the phrase can be cruel.  But one part of this phrase is reminding people that providing explanations is not obligatory, even for loved ones, even for those whom you have a good relationshp with. 

I guess thatís where it falls apart for me.  I do feel that it is obligatory to provide an explanation to a loved one of why something canít be done.  I feel that the people I love deserve the respect of an explanation.   

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?
« Reply #31 on: March 21, 2008, 10:58:21 AM »
Like in your example, auntmeegs - let's assume you couldn't go to dinner for some reason you didn't want to tell your sister - but she's not out of line for inviting you to dinner, so you don't want to make her feel bad, or give her a verbal cut (which is sometimes how IATWBP comes out) - you could say "Aww gee, that sounds so nice. Wish I could, but I just don't think I'm going to be able to make it tonight..."

But then again, sis is probably still going to want to know why...

But I stand by the idea that misplaced, the phrase can be cruel.

I agree that misplaced, the phrase can be cruel.  But one part of this phrase is reminding people that providing explanations is not obligatory, even for loved ones, even for those whom you have a good relationshp with. 

I guess thatís where it falls apart for me.  I do feel that it is obligatory to provide an explanation to a loved one of why something canít be done.  I feel that the people I love deserve the respect of an explanation.   

I can see that, and I agree to an extent.  They are certainly more deserving than someone else on the street.  I guess the situation I'm imagining is someone pressing for an explanation that is going to be hurtful to either person.  In that case, I think it's a useful stopping point, rather than getting into it. Part of relationships for me is that the interaction is on a voluntary basis.  If someone is pressing me for something that is going to hurt them or me, I dont think it's obligatory to give it to them.  I see where you feel differently, and I can see situations where it certainly is more condusive to the relationship to provide such as well. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Twik

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Re: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?
« Reply #32 on: March 21, 2008, 09:53:43 PM »
Like in your example, auntmeegs - let's assume you couldn't go to dinner for some reason you didn't want to tell your sister - but she's not out of line for inviting you to dinner, so you don't want to make her feel bad, or give her a verbal cut (which is sometimes how IATWBP comes out) - you could say "Aww gee, that sounds so nice. Wish I could, but I just don't think I'm going to be able to make it tonight..."

But then again, sis is probably still going to want to know why...

But I stand by the idea that misplaced, the phrase can be cruel.

I agree that misplaced, the phrase can be cruel.  But one part of this phrase is reminding people that providing explanations is not obligatory, even for loved ones, even for those whom you have a good relationshp with. 

I guess thatís where it falls apart for me.  I do feel that it is obligatory to provide an explanation to a loved one of why something canít be done.  I feel that the people I love deserve the respect of an explanation.   

If they will accept the explanation, they are. But there are people for whom an explanation is actually a challenge, and will find any excuse not to accept it. And there are times when the explanation itself could be hurtful. Would you prefer to tell your sibling "I'm not going to go to dinner with you and your S/O, because S/O has all the attractiveness of an adolescent rhinoceros", or "Dinner with you and S/O tomorrow? Sorry, that won't be possible!"
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Sleepless

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Re: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?
« Reply #33 on: March 22, 2008, 07:08:29 AM »
 I think you just have to sometimes (but not always) do things you dislike. I don't like some of DH's relatives, but it is reasonable to expect to have holiday meals with them. If I failed to do this, it would cause a rift either between us or between his siblings. Whether or not I like them, they are his siblings and I don't feel entitled to harm his relationship with them. He knows his sister is a sanctimonious, malicious gossip and chooses to accept her anyway. Since my family is deceased, yes, they would expect an explanation as to why he wasn't available on certain occasions.

Peppy

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Re: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?
« Reply #34 on: April 17, 2008, 05:05:40 PM »
I use it but rather to keep me Politically Correct vs. telling someone the real reason...  >:D

Sophia

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Re: Is it just me, or is anyone else a bit tired of this phrase?
« Reply #35 on: April 30, 2008, 09:44:54 AM »
I would guess that the reason you think it is overused is the subtext of the phrase. 

"I am afraid that won't be possible" has a silent "because your request was absolutely ridiculous.  What kind of idiot do you think I am?"

Which makes it the perfect response for "Why don't you give your big home, and I'll give you my tiny home" or "Sister, drive me to the mall, now"