Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

House Warming Gift Registry?

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I'm stuck.  My best friend and her husband have just purchased their second home and are intending on having a housewarming party.  Their new house is much more expensive, larger, etc.

When she asked me if I would "hostess" for her I had no idea that a housewarming party isn't exactly something that someone hosts FOR you.  It's YOUR party and YOU are the hostess.  The main reason I agreed is because we had a huge falling out before her wedding and I backed out of being her matron of honor and ended our friendship for almost a year. So I felt kind of obligated to make up for that.

Now comes the tricky part: she wants to register for gifts.  She and her husband probably make a combined $100,00 a year and just purchased a home valued at just over $300,000.  They've been together for 3 years and married for 1. They don't really NEED anything but she insists on registering for gifts.

I've tried gently explaining to her, with links to an etiquette expert, that it's tacky and looks greedy to be registering for this type of event but she'll have none of it. She said that if her friends or family question it then she'll just tell them that she got bad advice from someone.

Now I get to be the RSVP contact and I'm really worried about informing people of this little tidbit.

My hubby thinks I should back out but I don't want to do that to her again, yet I'm going to be in an uncomfortable position.

Has anyone else had to deal with something like this?

What exactly are your duties as hostess? Do you have to pay for the food? Whose house is it at? Do you send out the invites or does she? Who does the cooking?

She knows it isnt proper (hence her 'I'll just tell them I got bad advice' comment), and is saddling YOU with the responsibility of being embarrassed and explaining to guests that she is registered, not to mention anything else you are required to do.

Stand your ground. Say no. Don't feel bad about it. A good friend wouldnt put you in that position, and especially not after you had expressed discomfort with the idea. 

I'd basically get the RSVP's and help organize the evening. I wouldn't have to pay for anything just kind help out and be the go-to person.

I know you're right but I'm torn.  I've kinda accepted her "quirks" and value our friendship greatly. I feel that if I back out then it will hurt our relationship that we've had to rebuild over the last year.

I think when the time gets closer that I'll make one last attempt at directing her away from the registry idea and then let it be.  I don't know her other friends and barely know her family so if she want's to look like a greedy gift-grubber then it's her reputation, not mine.


--- Quote from: Freckles on February 16, 2007, 08:14:03 AM --- I've kinda accepted her "quirks" and value our friendship greatly. I feel that if I back out then it will hurt our relationship that we've had to rebuild over the last year.
--- End quote ---

But she cant accept that you are uncomfortable hosting? I am not saying you dont value her 'quirks', but she is definitely taking advantage of your nature.  If it is going to hurt the friendship to say "Friend, I didnt know when I told you I would host, but a housewarming is typically hosted by the person himself.  I feel uncomfortable relaying the information that you have registered for gifts for this. I will do X Y Z to help, but I cant do Q" then it's a pretty fragile friendship at best.

Why do you feel guilty over something from a year ago and continue to let that dictate your actions with her? You should be way past that now, imo. 

Why did you post, if you knew what you were going to do anyway?

What Rdge said - it's all spot-on.


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