General Etiquette > Life...in general

A time and place for tears in front of people?

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kingsrings:
This happened a while ago to me, but I've always been wondering about the etiquette of it since. Please don't get the impression that I am a cold person with a bad heart who thinks that no one should ever cry, I'm just being honest and looking for feedback.

I attended an outdoor holiday party where a lot of people were in attendance, most of us seated at the tables just casual chit-chatting and having a happy, good time. Everything is going fine when I noticed that one of my friends suddenly started crying, right in front of everyone. Apparently something at this event had triggered a sad memory for her of something that had happened years ago. She made no move to get up and go into the house, move to a corner, or anything, she just sat there, crying away at a table filled with people. Not loud sobbing, screaming, hysterics or anything, though. A couple of people went over and comforted her, talked to her, stuff like that. It was really uncomfortable for a friend of mine whom I had bought because she had never met any of these people before, this was the first time she was around them, and this happens. I felt that, out of consideration for the people around her, the crying friend should of excused herself to another area until she calmed down and felt better so as not to bring everyone else around her down in this formerly happy environment and event. There is nothing wrong at all with crying anytime, we all do it, after all. I just feel that in those kind of situations, such as at a party, one should excuse themselves to a more private area so as to not to sadden a happy event or make people feel uncomfortable, which a lot of us felt that day. This particular friend has also done this several more times and not excused herself, but those other times it was at church during services, which is obviously not the wrong place to start crying. In fact our pews have boxes of tissues!

So, do you agree that she did something wrong etiquette-wise, or am I the wrong one?

lesherb:
I suspect this person enjoys the attention her crying garners.  Personally, I avoid crying in front of others.  It is just too personal an emotion to exhibit when no one else is being affected that way.

kingsrings:

--- Quote from: lesherb on December 08, 2006, 06:54:50 PM ---I suspect this person enjoys the attention her crying garners.  Personally, I avoid crying in front of others.  It is just too personal an emotion to exhibit when no one else is being affected that way.

--- End quote ---

I feel the same way about crying. I don't think my friend was necessarily faking being sad that afternoon to get attention, I believe she genuinely felt sad and that her tears were real. I do agree with you that she does enjoy the attention she gets based on this and several other instances of stuff she has done. Like one time she didn't eat anything for awhile to the point of her getting faint and feeling bad in the middle of church, and she made sure everyone knew about it. Our other friend dutifully got up and went back and forth to the food cart, getting her various foods until she was satisfied. I wonder what would happend the next time she does this if I just say, "Oh, you drama queen" and ignore her. Nah, I guess I would be looked at as mean by everyone else.

freakyfemme:
Maybe she thought that getting up and leaving would attract more attention, and therefore be ruder?

sammycat:
I agree with lesherb that the friend is enjoying the attention from it all.  I suspect from your second post regarding the feeling faint in church and making sure that everyone knew about it that she might be a bit of a drama queen?

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