More Lack of Food for Your Guests

[Sophia]

There have been two occasions where I underserved two dishes (but not overall).  Once, I had just started to like this particular vegetable.  I took what my serving would be and multiplied by X people.  My serving was smaller than most peoples.  One other time I was serving Ice Cream.  I had many people over, but a carton of Ice Cream always seemed bottomless until a boyfriend got at it.  Fortunately, my mother and roommate had been too busy chatting to eat, so I was able to pull back the bowls they had been served and redistribute. 

I do remember as a teenager once abandoning the only take 1/X serving size.  I think it was at a friend's grandparents house.  I had gone hungry several times before.  I seem to remember they did bring more food out that day. 

[ginlyn32]

Totally not you.

When I go to my IL's, I have to either bring my own drink or ask for one, because I know I will not be offered one. We dropped by once when the kids were tiny and my MIL and SIL and her two spawns were eating watermelon, a favorite treat of my kids. We were not offered on bite. And my oldest, who was about 3 asked for some only to get yelled at by my MIL.

I was part of a MOPS group and the leader told us not to worry about making anything to bring once, she was going to make biscuits and gravy and a bunch of other stuff. I decided at the last minute to make some drop danishes (recipe from Bisquick). If I had not done that, there would have been nothing for anyone to eat. The leaders excuse? She forgot!

Ofcourse, while my grandma was alive, you could not go to her house without eating. She would always have a pot of coffee on and some sort of snack availible, even if it was just store bought cookies. I still remember her peanut butter fudge....CRUD MONKEYS!!! *DROLLS* She would invite you to stay for dinner to if you dropped by before dinnertime.

Ginger

[kingsrings]

ginlyn32-a similar thing sometimes happens at the weekly Bible study I've been attending for a while. We have a sign-up list for people to volunteer to bring refreshments to each study session. A lot of us don't have the time to eat dinner beforehand, so having food there is vitally important because we're starving by that time. So when someone forgets that is what their week to bring something, aarrgghh!! I've had to leave early a couple of times when that has happened because I've been so hungry I couldn't stand it anymore. Fortunately now people seem to feel the same way I did because now the people who sign up get reminder calls to bring the food the night before. 

[Evil Duckie]

.

[kingsrings]

I wonder how many of these 'food resourcers' would be willing to give up THEIR portion of the food item to someone else when there is not enough to go around because of their 'resourcing'.

[sammycat]

I'm glad to see to see that I'm not alone in experiencing this phenomenon, but sad too, that it is so commonplace.

Since my OP I've realised that this situation mainly arises during playdates with parents from my children's school and thankfully very rarely during get togethers with my usual circle of friends/family. It's probably just a coincidence that it happens with people from the same school but I still have to wonder how people can invite someone over and then not be prepared to offer them a single morsel to eat.  

On the flipside, I went to another engagement party on the weekend and the tables were absolutely staggering with the amount of food provided. Despite there being 60+ guests there was still heaps of food left over.

Not sure whether this is a coincidence or whether it was poor planning on the part of the venue/couple, or greed on the part of the guests.  A year after attending the engagement party mentioned in the OP, we attended the wedding of the same couple. at a very ritzy and expensive gold club.  The food was buffet style and the tables went up in groups of three to be served. We were table 4 and watched as tables 1,2 and 3 went up for the main course and came back with plates piled high.  By the time tables 4,5 and 6 got there we were restricted in the amounts we could take as there wasn't much food left.  For tables 7, 8 and 9 more food was brought out.  At dessert time tables 7, 8, and 9 went first, piled their plates high and, again tables 4, 5 and 6 were restricted.  For tables 1,2 and 3 more food was brought out.  I was 3 months pregnant and starving, and again, we had to stop at McDonalds on the way home.

[orsuela]

Thank God I'm not the only one who thinks she should be fed at a party!  In our small group of friends one male friend's new wife invited everyone for a grill-out and stated on the email invites that we were to bring our own: beverage, meat to grill, dish to pass, and our own cups, plates and silver wear!!!!!!  I stopped at a store on my way there and bought extra disposable dishes, a huge cake, and extra meat to bring along with my side dishes.  Why the heck are you having people over if you can't even allow them to touch your glasses???  Of course she didn't get it when I came in with all of that.  She's the same one who brings canned corn to pot lucks as her main dish, and the woman can cook!  Of COURSE she helps herself to the other great homemade dishes and never touches her corn, that's for the people who come late--right??)  I completely understand having a potluck if everyone agrees, but bring your own plates and silverwear???  Again, why volunteer your house??!!
Wow, venting feels good...

[ginlyn32]

I can understand asking people to bring their own paperplates and plasticwear if it is to be a large picnic-type gathering. That is how it was usually done at the church I used to go to.

The church would provide the meat and we had a sign up sheet for all the side dishes. They emphasized that you should bring a LARGE amount of food. This church had over 300 people attending and many times people would bring relatives who didn't belong to the church to the picnics.

What I always wished they would have done is not put all the food out at once because if you were one of the last to go through, sometimes there would not be much food left.

I also wish people would handle their own children. I saw many kids getting seconds and thirds when not everyone had been through the line yet. I would not allow my kids to get their own food either. They got a small amount and had to clean their plate before going back for more food or dessert.

I think that at a party the host should be willing to shoulder some costs otherwise don't offer to host the event!

Ginger

[Sophia]

... and how leftovers were one of the leading ways we are using up the earth's resources.

I know I shouldn't be, but I find that shocking.  Doesn't this person realize that leftovers are the world's best convenience food, and a sign that God loves us? 

[Shoo]

When I go to my IL's, I have to either bring my own drink or ask for one, because I know I will not be offered one. We dropped by once when the kids were tiny and my MIL and SIL and her two spawns were eating watermelon, a favorite treat of my kids. We were not offered on bite. And my oldest, who was about 3 asked for some only to get yelled at by my MIL.

What???  She denied a 3 year old a piece of watermelon?  And she got yelled at for asking?  Unbelievable.

Does this MIL have mental problems?

[Mammavan]

My thought process for determining how much food to make seems to be to think that all the food will turn out to be terrible except one dish, which will be the only one that people will eat, and so there needs to be enough of that one dish to feed everyone.  Of course, you don't know which dish that will be so you have to make that much of every dish.  Yes, we have a lot of leftovers.

Last fall we were invited to a relative's surprise bday party by her husband.  He asked that everyone bring a dish to share in lieu of a gift.  (Yes, he's completely etiquette-challenged, and that's one of his better attributes.)  He told us not to bring anything since we had a 400-mile drive that day but maybe bring a cooler for leftovers since there were bound to be so many because her friends really got into this pot luck thing.  Of course, I ignored this and brought a huge (Costco-sized) veggie tray, spiral ham, rolls and cream puffs.  He provided paper goods and some bottled water.  Nothing else.  People walked in with a bag of Doritos and a plate of dip - six times.  Twelve stuffed mushrooms.  A half-bowl of pasta salad.  There was no meat other than the ham.  And entire families came, with children and teenagers.  Another relative and I made an emergency food/drink run about 3/4 of the way through the day. 

And to top it off, they are members of a group that takes turns meeting once a month for dinner at each other's house.  He invited that group for the evening and counted it as his turn!  Using our food!

We love his wife or else he would have been murdered long ago.

[blarg314]

I think the worst is when you are visiting someone for a couple of days, and you don't get enough to eat.

I used to visit my grandparents when they were living in a retirement apartment. Lunch was at noon, precisely.  Dinner was at five, precisely, and included dessert, so all the eating was over by 5:30 pm. The portions were an okay size, but I was a night owl who would typically have lunch at 3pm and dinner at 10 pm.  By nine at night, I was starving!

[Jaywalker]

my mother tells of the first meal she was served by her FIL and GMIL to welcome her to the family.  For four including two young healthy 20 somethings - my mother and father -- they served a tiny hamburger patty (she estimates they were an eighth of a pound each), half a small potato, half a carrot from the garden.  my parents were so hungry that they took a walk after dinner so they could go to a dinner and get hamburgers and milkshakes to fill up

[Weez]

I'm another one who always provides far too much food for guests.  It never goes to waste as DH and I can always have it for lunch/dinner the next day.  I also don't see how having too much food at a party can contribute to world hunger.  I'm a supporter of certain charities who do a lot of anti-poverty / anti-world hunger campaigning and none of them have ever suggested anything like that.  It sounds suspiciously like hosts attempting to cover cost-cutting by appearing to support a worthy cause.

I know I've inherited my attitude to party catering from my mother who, in turn, inherited it from my Gran.  My Gran lived on a farm for a lot of her life, so she was used to catering for big, hungry farm-men.  This would be pre-mechanisation, so the men were doing a lot of hard work and expected a big lunch and a big dinner.  Gran never did revise her portion sizes, even when most of the family no longer worked in demanding, manual labour jobs.  Plus, us grand-kids were always "growing boys/girls", so we usually got seconds and thirds.

[Gwywnnydd]

I'm another one who always provides far too much food for guests.  It never goes to waste as DH and I can always have it for lunch/dinner the next day.  I also don't see how having too much food at a party can contribute to world hunger.  I'm a supporter of certain charities who do a lot of anti-poverty / anti-world hunger campaigning and none of them have ever suggested anything like that.  It sounds suspiciously like hosts attempting to cover cost-cutting by appearing to support a worthy cause.

I know I've inherited my attitude to party catering from my mother who, in turn, inherited it from my Gran.  My Gran lived on a farm for a lot of her life, so she was used to catering for big, hungry farm-men.  This would be pre-mechanisation, so the men were doing a lot of hard work and expected a big lunch and a big dinner.  Gran never did revise her portion sizes, even when most of the family no longer worked in demanding, manual labour jobs.  Plus, us grand-kids were always "growing boys/girls", so we usually got seconds and thirds.

Hah! I was discussing with a friend of mine, that my DH appears to be genetically incapable of cooking for less than 6 people. She mentioned that she had been taught how to cook by her mother, who had been taught to cook by *her* mother (one of 12 kids), who had been taught by *her* mother (one of 15 kids, along with farm hands). So, starting back and moving forward: Great Great Grandma was cooking for 27 people. She taught her daughters, one of whom managed to trim down enough to cook for only 14 people,  Great Grandma taught her daughter who managed to trim down to only cooking for 10 people, etc. My friend felt that in another generation they'd be down to cooking for a family that represented their own, as she was one of two kids and her mom had been one of three .

My Dh is the youngest of 6 kids, three were boys. He was taught to cook by a Mom who was used to cooking for multiple teen boys. Now, we have my DH's older boys (15 and 16), and my DH (who is not a small man).

I'm occasionally bemused that my entire maternal side of the family is outnumbered by my DH and his siblings.