TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception final? update pg 4

[Animala]

It took forever to find the new TQ!

BTW-I'll be in town when they get married.....

Your friend is nuts, but you already knew that.  Thanks for sharing her insanity.

[FunkyMunky]

"Who does invitations anymore?  I told everyone where and when.  Why didn't anyone come?" 

Hehe, the reverse of what I was told about our local church - because they put "wedding of X & Y, 10:30am" on their board of event, random people who do not know the HC often come into the church to watch. Rude!

[NestHolder]

Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

[Trisha]

Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

Well, for one the wedding isn't at a church, and she's not only trying to crash it (when there is only room for 50 or less) but also the reception.

2nd, many people have small weddings and have very limited space. If there were a lot of crashers, where would the legit guests sit?

3rd, a wedding is meant to be shared with friends and family. If you are not invited, the HC decided that you were either neither of those, or that your relationship wasn't close enough that they felt you needed to be there, or your behavior is bad and they don't want it messing up their wedding.

[Shortcake]

Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

Trishlovesdolpins' responses are absolutely correct. Even if a wedding is held in a church, it is still an event for friends and family. the HC decides who they want to be there.

[littleoats]

Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

Cultural differences.  When I was growing up everyone came to a wedding.  Most people didn't go inside the church and it was generally accepted that the downstairs was for invitees and the balcony was for randoms.  I spent many Saturday afternoons standing outside the church waiting for the happy couple to leave so we could throw confetti and wait for the scramble; the best man or FOG threw handfuls of coins for the local kids to grab. 

I had someone show up to my wedding that I'd never met.  I invited a friend (not close friend, class mate and friend of a friend) and her husband to my wedding.  The week before one of my bridesmaid said "BTW, rudegirl says that she's bringing a guest to your wedding."  Naturally I asked if she meant mr rudegirl or if she was bringing someone else instead; rude but I wouldn't have minded much.  Nope, she's bringing an extra because this guy said he was coming to visit them that weekend so they had to take him along.  I just dealt with it since I was having a buffet with no assigned seating.  Frankly I would have expected a gift from him (if you're not invited then at least follow the awful 'pay for you plate with your gift' rule) but I didn't even get a gift from the invited couple.  He didn't even talk to me, I got a 'hey' from when I went to say hi to the invited couple and nobody said thank you for letting him gate crash.

[Scritzy]

The church in which I married had an "open invitation" policy; i.e., printing a copy of the wedding invite in the bulletin, thus inviting anyone in the church. I had no idea how many from the church would show up, which made planning food for the reception a bit awkward. And to be honest, there were quite a few people there I didn't care for. They were part of the largest family in the church and had to be there for everything.

[Sara Crewe (previously Tia2)]

I've always thought that in a church where a general invitation is the custom, the notice being put up is the invitation.  This is also an exception to the rule I've always heard - that if you invite someone to the ceremony, they have to be invited to the reception as well.

[Shortcake]

I've always thought that in a church where a general invitation is the custom, the notice being put up is the invitation.  This is also an exception to the rule I've always heard - that if you invite someone to the ceremony, they have to be invited to the reception as well.

This is what I have found to be true in my experiences.

[Bethalize]

Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

You're quite right, it does. You can't be married in private in the UK. You need announcements and banns - unless you get a special licence.

[Calbrini]

My sister got married in a function room of a football stadium in a civil ceremony. It was invitation only but I'm pretty sure they said for 'legal reasons' the door to the room was not allowed to be closed. This is in the UK. I got married in a church and I know anyone could have came in to that ceremnoy too if they had wanted.

[Trisha]

Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

You're quite right, it does. You can't be married in private in the UK. You need announcements and bans - unless you get a special licence.

Announcements and bans? Can you explain that? I've never heard of that, also, just because you "can't" have a private wedding, does that mean people still come if they haven't been invited?

[Calbrini]

An announcement is put up on the board of the registry office for so many days in case anyone wants to object in the UK. I live in one county but married in anoother, where I was born. Notices went up in the registry offices in both counties.

The Banns is for a church wedding. For three Sundays before the wedding it is announced during the service in case anyone wants to object. I think some churches have them on the noticeboard/ newsletters too.

[Abby T]

In the UK, the concept of 'a wedding must be open to the public' is so that people can object if they wish to do so. It is a necessary part of the wedding ceremony to ask if anyone has an objection and therefore even those people not invited must be permitted to enter the building and voicetheir objection if they so desire.

In practice, I have never heard of anyone attending a wedding ceremony unless they actually had an invitation to the event.

[Calbrini]

I have been to a wedding ceremony when I wasnt actually invited. My cousin was a bridesmaid for her friend and my I went along with my mother to see her.