Author Topic: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception final? update pg 4  (Read 17962 times)

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Spring Water on Sundays

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #30 on: April 02, 2008, 12:33:17 PM »
In the UK, the concept of 'a wedding must be open to the public' is so that people can object if they wish to do so. It is a necessary part of the wedding ceremony to ask if anyone has an objection and therefore even those people not invited must be permitted to enter the building and voicetheir objection if they so desire.

In practice, I have never heard of anyone attending a wedding ceremony unless they actually had an invitation to the event.

What happens if someone objects?

magdalena

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #31 on: April 02, 2008, 12:42:34 PM »
Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

Cultural differences.  When I was growing up everyone came to a wedding.  Most people didn't go inside the church and it was generally accepted that the downstairs was for invitees and the balcony was for randoms.  I spent many Saturday afternoons standing outside the church waiting for the happy couple to leave so we could throw confetti and wait for the scramble; the best man or FOG threw handfuls of coins for the local kids to grab. 


Yes, a cultural difference.

Where I come from, anyone can come to the church. And some people love going "wedding watching" on nice summer saturdays. No one would ever come to the reception uninvited, I hope.

Here in Germany, it is traditional for all friends and often colleagues, people from clubs and organizations to chow up at the registry office after the wedding (registry office is mandatory even if you have a church wedding as well), you do not specifically invite them but it's considered proper to have some refreshments there (a champagne toast or something like that) if you know you have lots of people showing up. I've been there, waiting outside to surprise the HC, more than once.

ETA, of course, you then would not go to the reception unless you're invited.



Trisha

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #32 on: April 02, 2008, 12:45:46 PM »
In the UK, the concept of 'a wedding must be open to the public' is so that people can object if they wish to do so. It is a necessary part of the wedding ceremony to ask if anyone has an objection and therefore even those people not invited must be permitted to enter the building and voicetheir objection if they so desire.

In practice, I have never heard of anyone attending a wedding ceremony unless they actually had an invitation to the event.

What happens if someone objects?

Cat fight? >:D

Trisha

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #33 on: April 02, 2008, 12:50:04 PM »
If you pick a place where you know that it is a possibility that people will come "uninvited," as in, you go to a church, and the newsletter mentions the wedding and the congregation feels that is an open invite it is something you expect. However, if I were to choose some random church or private venue (which in my friend's case is true) I wouldn't expect anyone to come uninvited. I fully understand the mentality of "so in so from the church is getting married at the church, so the congregation is allowed to come" but I would have had a large problem if I chose a place and then people I didn't know, or want there showed up.

When DH and I got married, we chose my uncle's church because he could marry us (plus we got a $1,500 church for $400.) I had only attended there 1 time, for Easter. If the congregation just decided that because the wedding was happening there and they needed to come I would have been upset.

Oxymoroness

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #34 on: April 02, 2008, 12:53:20 PM »
Hi!  I was interested that you think it's rude to go into a church to see a wedding to which you've not been invited - I was always told that a wedding held in a church is a public event, and that any member of the public is entitled to witness it.  (Obviously, that'd be awkward if you have enough invited guests to fill the church, but still, it seems reasonable to me.)

I wonder if it has something to do with that "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." line?

It depends on the Wedding, the Church and the Venue and the country.

Some churches are not always open to the public and host private events. Other churches have an "open door 24x7" policy, in which the HC are usually aware that there may be a few extra seats warming the pews.

Other weddings are not held in churches (such as the OP), and especially with limited space, just showing up isn't a good ideas.

And then there are always those circumstances where there are crazy/violent/scary relatives and ... acquaintences that create the need for a private ceremony.

Also too, remember that this is an international forum so sometimes the country the wedding is in also makes a difference.

hardia

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #35 on: April 02, 2008, 12:59:53 PM »
My dad is the organist and choir director at the church I grew up in, and has been since he was 17.  So obviously the congregation has watched my sister and me grow up, his choir threw my mom a baby shower, etc.  My sister was married in that church four years ago and several ladies from Dad's choir came to the ceremony.  They weren't invited, but they wanted to see the family and share in our happiness, and I think particularly to see the proud dad, who many of them consider a surrogate son, escort his beautiful daughter down the aisle.  They dressed appropriately, sat in the back, and slipped out unobtrusively after giving my dad and sister their best wishes after the ceremony.  They would never have dreamed of going to the reception.  To be honest, I'll be disappointed if they *don't* come to my (still hypothetical at this point, although becoming more likely every day) wedding!

Ontario, Canada

Shortcake

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #36 on: April 02, 2008, 01:04:02 PM »
If you pick a place where you know that it is a possibility that people will come "uninvited," as in, you go to a church, and the newsletter mentions the wedding and the congregation feels that is an open invite it is something you expect. However, if I were to choose some random church or private venue (which in my friend's case is true) I wouldn't expect anyone to come uninvited. I fully understand the mentality of "so in so from the church is getting married at the church, so the congregation is allowed to come" but I would have had a large problem if I chose a place and then people I didn't know, or want there showed up.

When DH and I got married, we chose my uncle's church because he could marry us (plus we got a $1,500 church for $400.) I had only attended there 1 time, for Easter. If the congregation just decided that because the wedding was happening there and they needed to come I would have been upset.

ITA with this. Well said Trish!
"Carry out a random act of kindness, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."  Princess Diana

Trisha

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #37 on: April 02, 2008, 11:09:29 PM »
Well the wedding reception is 2 days away, and the phone calls, text messages and aims have started. My aim has been set to "away" for 3 days. I didn't answer either of the phones (cell and home) and I've been ignoring texts. So far those are....

Text 1: Call me, I need to know about this weekend.

Text 2: Did you get my message?

Voicemail 1: Did you find out about the party yet (note, I have explained 3 times this is NOT a party, she insists on calling it one because she'll be able to drink.)

Voicemail 2: Do you know when the wedding is?

She's also written on my wall on facebook TELLING me to email her the info when I find it.


Kaylee

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception sm update pg 3
« Reply #38 on: April 02, 2008, 11:26:24 PM »
And so it begins...oy vey.

You're gonna have to buy a wig and travel incognito to get to this wedding without her, aren't you?   8)

Trisha

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception sm update pg 3
« Reply #39 on: April 02, 2008, 11:28:54 PM »
And so it begins...oy vey.

You're gonna have to buy a wig and travel incognito to get to this wedding without her, aren't you?   8)

HAHA I might. DH had lunch with our friend today, and I made him promise not to tell him that TQ wants to come, I was afraid he'd agree because he's so nice.

Kaylee

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception sm update pg 3
« Reply #40 on: April 02, 2008, 11:40:46 PM »
I think you need walkie-talkies.   ;D

I can see it:

TLD: Leaving checkpoint one.  Switching cabs.  No pursuit detected.

DH:  Roger.  Starting decoy sequence, repeat, Operation Smoke Screen is in effect.  *takes Away Message off TLD's AIM and leaves house*

TLD:  Check.  Passing checkpoint two, possible TQ sighting.  Moving to Plan B!  Repeat, initiating Operation Shoe Sale!  *presses red button*

*overhead, light plane flies by advertising Jimmy Choos for 80% off in TLD's immediate area; TLD escapes into subway system*

I could go on, but you get the idea.   8)

Trisha

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception sm update pg 3
« Reply #41 on: April 02, 2008, 11:44:28 PM »
HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT would be awesome!

Abby T

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #42 on: April 03, 2008, 02:42:24 AM »
In the UK, the concept of 'a wedding must be open to the public' is so that people can object if they wish to do so. It is a necessary part of the wedding ceremony to ask if anyone has an objection and therefore even those people not invited must be permitted to enter the building and voicetheir objection if they so desire.

In practice, I have never heard of anyone attending a wedding ceremony unless they actually had an invitation to the event.

What happens if someone objects?


Depends on the reason for the objection - if the bride or groom is already married then the officiant wouldn't perform the wedding. Likewise if a soup opera drama unfolded in which it was discovered they were actually brother and sister. If the groom's ex girlfriend appears to announce they slept together last night, the decision would be up to the bride. Like Trish said - Catfight! hehehehe

Bethalize

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception
« Reply #43 on: April 03, 2008, 05:24:13 AM »
What happens if someone objects?

If someone claims they have a lawful objection then the wedding is halted until the objection is dealt with. It's very rare in these days of divorce to get this happening because the only lawful reasons are (1) one of them is currently married already (2) the marrying couple are close relations and disqualified under incest laws.

Bursting in at the dramtic point and saying "He's a no-good lying toad who has three children already" is not a lawful reason for halting a wedding, it's just a jolly good one!

Calbrini

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Re: TQ tries to invite herself to a wedding/reception sm update pg 3
« Reply #44 on: April 03, 2008, 06:07:32 AM »
I think you can also object if you suspect its some kind of 'bogus' marriage, for example if one ofthe people is just after a British passport. Another reason I saw was that if someone may not understand what they are doing because they are ill/mentally incompetant.