Unprepared dinner hosts

[leaf_eater]

Some new friends of mine have a habit of being unprepared for dinner guests. For example, last time we were invited over for 7 pm dinner and when we arrived the cook was just starting his preparations - for Indian food. I had brought a dessert (with this couple, dessert is what they suggested when I asked each of the 3 times we've been over). Dinner took him until after 9 pm to cook and the only thing available was a plate of cookies they had set out on a table. At about 8:30, I broke down and ate a cookie because I was so hungry as we typically eat dinner between 5 and 6. But frankly, a cookie is not what I want as an appetizer before Indian food. Plus the cook doesn't get to socialize unless you go into the kitchen and chat, at which point he stops cooking and chats. Finally, each time we've been there a substantial part of the meal gets left unprepared due to lack of time or being forgotten, making for not only a late but also rather skimpy meal. With the Indian meal, he forgot to put the frozen pre-made samosas in the oven during the two plus hours he was cooking.

When they come here, they always comment on how together I am, with everything prepared and ready to serve at the appropriate time. So, it's not like they aren't aware of this issue. I'm wondering if I should offer to make an appetizer next time to avoid this issue? My concern is that I've clearly been designated the "dessert bringer" and that it would be rude to switch tracks on them.

[VorFemme]

Think of it as self preservation and bring the durned appetizers.

I have recently had to start eating as if I were diabetic (insulin resistance issues).  DeHubby is still adjusting to my needing to eat SOMETHING ever three hours on a schedule.  *HE* doesn't need to keep an eye out for when it is time to eat.  So he doesn't.  And it bothers him when I want to stop and buy an "overpriced" chicken salad or Chinese takeout so that I get something close to what I am supposed to be eating.

Take the appetizers and a dessert - if you don't mind bringing two things.

[Chocolate Cake]

Definitely eat ahead of time before you go next time or bring the appetizer.   I'd probably even go so far as to say, "You've invited us to arrive at 7:00; what time do you anticipate we'll sit down to eat?"

[twinkletoes]

I definitely second eating something before going over.  Not much, as you don't want to spoil your appetite, but some crackers or a small piece of fruit can really help. 

If they ask you to bring anything, maybe you could say "Oh, there is this lovely new appetizer I've been dying to try.  Mind if I bring that?" 

I do have to say, the hosts' behavior drives me nuts, as something similar has happened to me.  The hostess in question is an accomplished cook, so it's well worth the wait...but it drives me nuts that she doesn't have food set out for us, and "dinner at 6" tends to mean "dinner at 8 - if we're lucky!'

[leaf_eater]

I actually did have a small snack last time before going over but I guess it wasn't enough to tide me over. I think I will bring both next time, using the "lovely new appetizer" line. Thanks!

[MadMadge43]

How far after the invited time do you have dinner ready? I always serve an appetizer that's ready or almost ready (they're usually hot and in LA you have to give them 20 minute leeway on show up time due to traffic, so if it takes 10 minutes in oven, I'll wait till they arrive).

Although everything is prepared, the last minute cooking still gets done after they're there. I usually allow about an hour for appetizer and cocktails before I serve first course. Truthfully it can take up to 3 to 4 hours from arrival time to end of desert for one of my gourmet meals, do I need to make this shorter?

[HogwartsAlum]

My uncle does this.  His ex and kids are like that also.  Very laid-back and take their sweet time with everything.  I hate being invited over for dinner because it may be really late in the evening before we actually get to eat.  He's an amazing cook, but I always make sure I've eaten some protein or something to tide me over!

[megswsu]

Posted by: MadMadge43 
Insert Quote
How far after the invited time do you have dinner ready? I always serve an appetizer that's ready or almost ready (they're usually hot and in LA you have to give them 20 minute leeway on show up time due to traffic, so if it takes 10 minutes in oven, I'll wait till they arrive).

Although everything is prepared, the last minute cooking still gets done after they're there. I usually allow about an hour for appetizer and cocktails before I serve first course. Truthfully it can take up to 3 to 4 hours from arrival time to end of desert for one of my gourmet meals, do I need to make this shorter? 

I think that sounds reasonable. If I'm invited over for dinner I don't expect dinner at the exact time I'm supposed to be there. I think the OP's point was that there was *nothing* to snack on for TWO hours (or possibly drink from the sound of it). If the hosts aren't planning on serving dinner for an hour or two, then something needs to be provided in the meantime so guests' stomcachs don't turn inside out. Appitezers and cocktails for an hour or so sounds lovely. 

[MadMadge43]

That's what I thought but then I started to get worried, because it might take an hour and a half to get to dinner. Thank goodness for appetizers!

[Emmy]

Next time you could tell your hosts that you have an appetizer you'd like to bring for dinner instead of asking what you can bring and leaving it open for them to say 'dessert'.  If you know what they are making ahead of time for dinner (like Indian food), you could make an appetizer that would go with the meal.  Asking what time dinner will be served is a good idea, however many laid back people don't always plan well and may think the food will be ready much sooner than it actually is.  If all else fails, eat a snack before you go to their house for dinner.

[kathrynne]

Definitely ask about bringing an appetizer if this happens more than once. If they refuse the offer, have a small burger or something on the way to their home to tide you over.

As I've learned the hard way, people used to eating on a schedule like myself start feeling ill and mean once the blood sugar drops below a certain level. Chewing my own cuticles works for only so long before the host's coffeetable starts looking pretty tasty.