Not to defend the jealous ex specifically, but in general terms, the knowledge that he did eventually admit to feelings for the OP justifies what made me feel kind of icky and unpleasant about the tone of this entire thread: all the ridiculing and dismissal of the wife's feelings.
Nobody here was a party to that couple's relationship and blowing this unknown woman off as a shallow harpy with no actual knowledge made me feel really sickened.
The wife in question had no right to make OP's life difficult because of her worries. On the other hand, clearly she had something to worry about, if her husband had feelings for OP- and saw fit to express them while inside his marriage.
I have great sympathy for this woman and if she got any of the same vibe in person as came through in this thread, she must have had a difficult time of it. Too bad respect doesn't extend to people's private matters. Certainly a thread to make light of her marital problems (literally so, look at the title) had/ has no place on an etiquette board?
I tried to write out an explanation just to further clarify on this thread, but if you would like to, feel free to PM me
You're right in that when I made this thread, I was mocking the situation. I was ridiculing and dismissing it, because I didn't know then what I know now. I can't honestly say I regret it, but if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have been laughing as much about it.
She probably did get the same vibe as the thread... I wasn't playing this up for the internet, I actually laughed, because it was an absurd moment, and I was moreso thinking, "who comes to a workplace and does crazy stuff like this?"
If you've read the whole thread (and I'm sure you have), it began rather... out there. It was just a crazy awkward situation, and I just thought it was funny. Not in the "haha" funny, but the "awkward sitcom this stuff shouldn't happen in real life" way. Laughing wasn't the best thing to do, but.... yeah, its' the only thing I could do.
And, I'm not sure how to describe military leadership. But picture your boss, who can not only fire you, but make you work a crapload of extra time doing horrible details for no pay. He can also demote you so you are making less, and can have you incarcerated. This chick tried to spark off stuff in my life with my commander (boss). I knew then and know now that I didn't do anything wrong, but you NEVER
want your name attached to an investigation. Ever. I cannot stress that enough. the military is a darn small world, and you don't want Colonel Dudeguy's only remembrance of your name to be tied in with something negative. I had just gotten to the base, and hadn't been at work very long. That was starting me off on a horrible foot.
Finally, I was, and still am, a maintainer. There is a stigma that you receive just for your gender the second you enlist, and you fight every day to shake it. I can't get angry or be tired at work... if I am, I just get "on the rag" jokes. I can't cry when I hurt myself... I get called weak. If you choose to have a kid (even if married) you have to shake the "deployment dodger" label. And you never, ever, ever date anyone in your squadron, because you get labeled with all sorts of stuff... that isn't applicable to the situation, but it is relevant in the fact that it is an example of the rumor mill and general garbage that is run of the mill for a female maintainer to deal with.
I volunteer for the hardest jobs and work longer hours just so I can have the freedom of being treated equal, so for some woman to come to my place of work, talk to my superiors who I work myself into the ground for, and try to throw everything I've done into question? Especially when at the time, I didn't know why? Yes, I had
zero respect for her or anything she had to say. Now that I'm established, and everyone knows me and that I'm pretty much one of the grooviest people in the history of my squadron (and modest too!
) I probably would be more sensitive to her point of view.
Whew! That was a long one. I never added the incredibly stupid long backstory, because well, most of the people who were on at that time knew it. And the title... well, the title made sense when I first posted it, to me anyway. Quite frankly, it still makes sense in the scheme of things. Not to sound morbid, but on the scale of things that keep me awake at night.... well, this isn't on the scale.
And Clockwork Banana, thank you so much, and all of you for being there for me through the years. Rest assured, I'm still the same Blue, love my job and my plane more than ever... Just feel free to laugh when you see me combat role if I hear a car backfire. All my friends do
P.S. Save The A-10!