Need some advice from other parents!

[Cupcake Fiend]

DH had a conference with Thing 1's preschool teacher today (it is parent/teacher conference week)

From what DH related to me afterwards it sounds as though he is very intelligent, but very easily bored.  And if something doesn't hold his interest, he will not do it.

She told DH that Thing 1 is usually the first one to grasp a new concept when she introduces it.  He is very interactive at story time and when she asks questions about previous stories she's told or if she stops and asks what the kids think will happen next he always has something to say about it.  We know he can count up to 100, but when she asked him to do so for the evaluation, he got to 49 and refused to do anymore - he was bored with counting.  He has a little bit of trouble with colors - he confuses red and yellow sometimes, calls pink red and grey black.  He also has a good grasp of basic math - he does some basic addition and subtraction problems already.

He has a few social issues - problems with talking when he is not supposed to, and with sharing and cleaning up (we have this problem at home too, and I took away all the boys' toys over the weekend because they would not clean them up.  They need to earn them back one at a time.).  He also seems to be a bit of a follower to the other kids.  Because of these issues and his size, we have decided not to send him to Kindergarten in the fall but to wait one more year.  His birthday falls at the right time of year to give us that choice.  We will be sending him to the 5 day a week preschool class (he's in 4 days a week currently).

What I need is some advice on things to keep him interested in learning.  He loves to be read to but has been reluctant to learn his letters.  I don't want to force it and put him off reading.  I need a way to encourage him to do the things he thinks are boring.  Some of the things the teacher mentioned were cutting out shapes, the counting thing, I've seen it at home with the letters, clean up, the way he plays with his things.  He prefers imaginative play to playing with toys.  He has barely missed his toys at all since Saturday because he's always pretend playing with Thing 2.

[housewife2k]

I'm going to be honest, and I do not know your situation fully, so you have to do what is best for you.
I would start him in kindergarten. Talk to the Kinder teachers, and find out if he meets the basic requirements. If he is acting up because he is bored, especially if he is bored because he already knows what he is doing, he needs more of a challenge. Unless the pre-k teachers can give thet to him, send him off to Kinder.  My kid acts up when he is bored, or if he already knows simething, and his teacher realized this instantly-if he doesn't do all his work, he misses out on part of second recess (full day kinder-two recesses), and helps tidy the room. If he fineshes his work early, she has extra for him to do. He ate up and spit out the pre-k teacher, but we were leary of his social skills, and other things most kinder's posess. He has learned what he needs to interact with his peers in the manner befitting a polite five year old, and in his words "Is so happy to be learning at school ,not just home!"

[kiero]

Your kids sounds just like me. 

In school I did terribly because I didn't have the attention span to do things.  My advice to you is to not force the schooling.  My parents pushed and pushed and pushed.  It became a daily battle about school I would cry in the mornign because eventually I realised the going to school meant I would get into trouble because I would talk out of turn, or do something else that wasn't allowed.  Then I would get into trouble at home because I'd gotten into trouble at school.  I had such toruble doing my homework that my parents arranged that I could have a week to complete the stuff - I had to hand it in on Monday.  So I spent my entire weekend trapped at the dining room table in isolation being forced to finish the weeks worth of homework.

My parents were just stunned that this didn't work.  The figured that eventually I would 'get it'.  That I would figure out that since I had to do the work eventually I would just do it when I was supposed to.  They didn't teach me any coping mechanisms though - things like breaking assignments into chunks and taking fun breaks inbetween (this is what got me through university - where I graduated with honors).  The jsut pushed and pushed.  If I got sent to bed right after supper I would eventually learn not to talk out of turn at school.  Things like that. 

I would worry more about the social things.  If he is bright he will learn.  But if his social skills suffer - then he will be teasted and bullied for at least most of elementary.  Reward - don't punish. 

[RoseRose]

He sounds like me, too.  If I was bored, I'd zone out and stuff.  I agree with the earlier poster who said to send him to kindergarten.  The more challanged I was, the more engaged I was.  Challange his mind, but make it interesting.

Boredom kills some intelligent people's grades.  I know at least 2.  Keep him not only learning, but interested in it.

[MerryRaven]

Well, you have some time yet to decide.

I might get another evaluation around April about his readiness because kids his age can change a lot in a short amount of time. 

I might even see about an independant evaluation, not that I think there is anything wrong.  He sound like a perfectly normal kid to me.

Are you doing public or private school?

Which ever, I would ask if I could talk to some of the teachers or observe a class room to see if it would be a good fit for your child at his age.

As for reading, contact your local library and see what kind of programs and incentives they have for kids his age.  Our library really targets 3-7's with all kinds of programs, activities and displays.  You might see if your library has a summer reading program for instance.

Do you have a children's museum or zoo in your area?  They often also have activities for this age group.

As for picking up toys or counting or whatever, as a Gramma, I don't think bribary is such a bad thing.

After all, they bribe me with money to go to work every day. I probably wouldn't go if they didn't pay me and give me insurance and a pension. 

Find out what really pops your kid's cork.  Not what you think he would like but what he really likes.  It doesn't have to be candy, it can be stickers, or stars, a trip to a park or whatever works for you and your son.

And whatever your decision will be, know that it is the right one for you and your son, no matter what anyone else thinks. 

That includes Grammas.

[Cupcake Fiend]

Thanks everyone for the advice.

We have thought long and hard about the kindergarten thing.  One of my good friends is fighting tooth and nail to make me send him.

One of the main reasons we are reluctant to do so is because he is very much a follower - he latches onto older kids and will do "anything" for them.  One boy in his class told him he would be his friend if Thing 1 brought him money.  (Kids are doing stuff like this at 5 years old!?!)  He came home and asked us for money to give to this boy.  DH had a word with his teacher and she has put a stop to that.  He is also small for his age.  I think that his personality, combined with being younger and smaller than most of his classmates, would be detrimental to his school "career".  DH spoke with his teacher at length about this and she agrees.

I was barely 5 when I started school and I was not emotionally ready either.  From what I saw of school reports that were sent home, I had some of the same problems that Thing 1 does.  Thinking about my own schooling, I think I may have done better by being a year later.  I know that Thing 1 is not me, and believe me I am not projecting my own issues onto him. (I have thought about this a lot and even spoke to my therapist about it)

We will be sending the boys to public school.  We are in a good school district right now, with plans to move within the next couple of years to a better one.

[Shoo]

You and your dh know your child better than anyone.  If you both agree that he would benefit by waiting another year, then definitely wait. 

Kindergarten can be a big adjustment for kids.  They have to have a lot more endurance than they do in pre-school, as there is no "resting" time.  If your son isn't ready, and giving him another year in pre-K will make sure he's really prepared for his school career, then it would be a wise parenting choice on your part.

[Squeaks]

I think the second opinion and looking again in April are good things.

I don’t have kids, but I am only 24 and vividly remember high school still, and I can tell you that most of the kids that the parents stated late/had as the oldest rather than the youngest of the grade were somewhat bitter about it and actively wished their parents had not done it that way.  Maybe this was just my school, but I did want to say, as someone who is not that far out of school, the youngest kids in the grade tended to be happier than the oldest – none of the youngest ever wished they were a year behind. 

If he is already smarter than the other kids he socially has a bit of a challenge anyway.  A smart kid who is the oldest is going to be even more advanced than his peers and will set him apart even more and likely let him get even more board.  I also think a bright kids will find a balance between being a follower and being used – there is nothing wrong with liking others to decide what to play and still having fun, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be the ring leader – he will likely find the balance.

Approach this very cautiously, you can always have him repeat kindergarten, but you will have trouble skipping him ahead. 

You could also look into private schools that may offer more flexibility with learning i.e. 3 days of kindergarten and 2 days of pre kindergarten.  Or half days, etc.  you may find a private school more willing to customize his learning to something fit for him at his level that will still prepare him adequately for 1st grade.

As for things that bore him – I recommend trying to find ways to relate it to real life. Even at a young age you can start teaching him about money so when at the store  have him help you pick what is the best value (should I get the package of cookies that has 20 for $5.00 or 25 for $5.50 – for instance, but hold his hand during this as sometime it can be tough)  or when cooking have him help measure with you – bribery is good tell him that you will make a cake with him if he does all the counting (and maybe change the recipe to be all tablespoons to do lots of counting, hopefully the reward of a cake will be worth counting a few hundred tablespoons of flower - or if you are worried about loseing count and messing up the recipie use a scale and make it a game to see how many table spoons it takes to get to the needed weight, even ad some estimation to it - that could be fun for him)  I think cooking could be another place you can add numbers and counting in a real life setting.

Also I have heard of people doing a game of taking a math problem (lets say 123 X7) and then doing a patter of 10 each day (so on day one do 123 X & X 7 X & etc.) and then the next continue it.  not really counting, but it does get the sequences down and get him to think and makes it a game of sorts (though more basic number may be easier for him) 

As far as letters – have you considered foreign language? He can already read and speak English so the letters are not that interesting, maybe if he starts seeing them in a new way/new language they will be more interesting to him.

[MerryRaven]

You know your kid best.

My DH went to kindergarten when he was 4 almost 5 and had some real issues.

I was barely 5 but had no problems, except I got every childhood illness known to man at the time.

They also say boys often benefit by going to school a bit later.  You can look them up but I have read studies that say boys mature at a different rate in certain areas than girls and benefit from a little later start. 

As I said.  You might revisit this later and look to the community for other educational stimulation.

And again, I was serious; bribes work.   

[housewife2k]

After learning more about why you are planning on waiting, I agree. My son is vary tiny for his age, but is very headstrong, not a follower at all, so starting him in K right after he turned five worked for us.
What I would do now, in your situation, is start talking with the five day a week teachers now, find out how much work they are willing to give your boy, what sort of reward/discipline system they use, and start trying it with him. I can also give you some onfo on some rather good books of pre-k/early k curriculum if you'd be interested-just drop me a pm or an e-mail.

[Alida]

It's good you are already keeping track of this.  Intelligent children do bore very easily.  We were kept very busy doing things outside of school with DD to keep her interested in learning.

I don't know if they do GIEPs (Gifted Indivualized Education Program/Plan) in preschool yet, do they?  He might benefit from being given more to do beyond the simple things preschool offers. 

I disagree with sending a child to kindergarten before they're emotionally/socially ready.  You know your child best - if you think he's going to have trouble, then it'd be better to help him grow in preschool than to have him have social issues in kindergarten, which, IMO, would only lead to other issues with learning, since self-confidence does play a big part in that.  Again, just my opinion (and my run on sentence, apparently *G*).

[Cupcake Fiend]

I hope I didn't come across as saying I think he's smarter than the other kids!  He is very bright, but I don't know that he's extraordinarily so.  I hope this is coming out right.  My words are a bit tangly.

Some concepts he grasps very easily, and those seem to be the more creative ones.

Other things he is just not interested in, like learning how to read.  He absolutely loves it when we read to him, but when we try to work with him on learning his letters he resists it and refuses to cooperate.  I am trying to be encouraging with him on that without being pushy.  It's a faint, fine line I'm trying to walk here!!

[housewife2k]

Just keep reading to him. My guess is he's picked up on quite a bit of the letters and simpler words. OldestSon was very hesitant to let us know he could read, he thought we would quit reading to him if we knew! Mom says my sister and I were the same way, and MIL says the Hubby and BIL did that, too.

[farmerted]

Since your son his imaginative, I would try to incorporate the letters in his play.  Make an alphabet road for him to drive on, hide letters around the room and have him find them or try a rhyme games.  Just keep it light and playfull and eventually he will get it.

Good luck,

kathy

[Harriet Jones]

Other things he is just not interested in, like learning how to read.  He absolutely loves it when we read to him, but when we try to work with him on learning his letters he resists it and refuses to cooperate.  I am trying to be encouraging with him on that without being pushy.  It's a faint, fine line I'm trying to walk here!!

In our school district, reading is the goal for the *end* of the kindergarten year. At the beginning of the K year, some kids may already be reading but others may not know their letters!

Anyway, keep reading to him!