Bad Neighbor-Lady...a parody

[ginlyn32]

Ok...I have thought about doing this for a while.

What if someone wrote in and was the Crazy HOA Neighbor Lady? What would she say?

Would she complain that her neighbors were not part of the HOA? Or about racist bagels? Porch lights being left on?

Write your complaints.

The more outrageous the better!!

Ginger

[VorFemme]

That horrible lady who lives just by the entry to the development just burns my biscuits.

They break every rule of the homeowners' association and then try to weasel out of things by saying that THEIR house has been here longer than the development.  Well, how could it be?  This was a farm area - everyone knows that farms get plowed up and things grown on them.  There are no houses built - wouldn't they'd get in the way of the tractors or something?

Her kids build these obscene snow people that are anatomically explicit. 

Their Halloween costumes are horrifying caricatures of obsolete depictions of other races, creeds, or the deceased.  I mean - how insensitive can you get?

She brings racist foods to parents' and teachers' meetings.  I mean - bagels?  How insensitive can you be?

She has everyone around here snowed into thinking that she is so perfect.  The principal and police must be on her payroll - they roll their eyes whenever I try to point out her little shortcomings!

She is even so rude as to leave her outside porch lights on, shining into our living room!  I mean - how can we watch movies on the big screen television with the GLARE?  And when we went over to ask if they would please turn the lights off until AFTER we'd seen the movie, our favorite late night talk show host, and the late-late show - she pretended to be gone.  So we tried to take the light bulb out - who knew the damp handkerchief that my dear, sweet darling pulled out would make the light bulb break?  It was like, totally an accident!

She is just so horrible..........I could go on and on for hours!

[IndianInlaw]

Good Lord!

I'm the laughingstock of an entire etiquette website!

[VorFemme]

IndianInLaw - I don't think she recognize herself without a photo of her kids, her house, and her face illustrating the posts.  And she'd probably think "Gee, that woman looks familar" without being able to figure out that the nine digit zip code is her own...........

Because she is RIGHT, she is not a nut case (cue Richard Nixon head shaking and waving both hands in the air in a V gesture while trying to get that East Coast politician accent down - not easy for a gal born and raised in West Texas!).

[ginlyn32]

I have the worst neighbor's.

I mean, she has KIDS for crying out loud! AND she lets them play outside all day in their silly little sand box. Ofcourse she is always sitting right with them.
She should KNOW that this is an HOA neighborhood! So I sent her a little anonomous letter, with a picture of her precious wittle children. Ofcourse I photoshopped her out...just to let her know that we want her to move the sand box to a lesser seen area.

A couple of weeks ago, she had the GALL to build a fence! Now I can't watch her every wakeing moment!

AND she had the NERVE to put up a clothes line and hang out clothes. WHat does she think this is? Little House on the Prarie? So I snuck over one night at 3 am and stole all her clothespins.

HOA lady

[keelhaulrose]

Those awful neighbors are out there. Letting their kids having fun. AGAIN!!!
My two little boys will be the biggest wusses in school!!! They will know that I will allow nothing that even sounds halfway remotely offensive in MY household. I won't let them dress up for Halloween as anything but a businessman, possibly a lawyer, oh, wait, that's offensive to people with lawsuit judgements against them, and the businessmen are offensive to anyone who has gotten laid off. Oh, well. We'll figure something out!
They will eat only non offensive food. To make sure I'm busy checking the origin of every single bit of food in the market. Their stomachs will hold out until then.
They will not play with other kids, nor play in the snow, or on playgrounds, in fact, I'm not sure the yard is safe because it overlooks those horrible neighbors, and they might see one of those obscene cavorting snowpeople again!
I'll think of more later. I just noticed that one of the evil neighbors windows is dirty. I need to go break all of them on the first level.

[IndianInlaw]

ABNER!!!!!

[Yarnspinner]

GLADYS!!!!!!

[ginlyn32]

I just noticed that they have a goat.

Now I will have to call an emergency HOA meeting to discuss how to get them to get rid of the goat.

HOA lady

[madmusician]

My neighbors drive me insane! Balmy! Bananas! Batty! Crackbrained! Cracked! Crazy! Cuckoo! Daft! Deranged! Loco!

Ugh. She is sooo snotty. She thinks that she can get away with *anything* by pretending to not be part of the HOA. Her evil little children even build nude snowladies, for heaven's sake! My husband was gawking at the snowladies! She's a racist and a sadist.

Something must be done. This is clearly a conspiracy against the privacy, safety, and security of our HOA. She must be a mad scientist and paying all the HOA and school officials so she can run secret, subliminal tests on my family and I. She keeps her porch lights on at times when the hubby and I are trying to...well. And that deed must be done in darkness or otherwise it's too awkward, and so her stupid lights keep us from our natural purposes!

I will not stand for it!

VODKA! Someone bring me vodka!

Many thanks to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary/thesaurus for all the synonyms of 'insane'.

[ginlyn32]

Do you guys think I would be overstepping my boundaries if I did a "Fatal Attraction*" to the goat??

HOA lady

*In the movie Fatal Attraction, Glenn Close plays a stalkerish lady who gets the main character's daughers rabbit and um...decides to make "rabbit stew" with it. Rent the movie if you have not seen it. It is towards the end.