"Emergency" Phone Calls

[Alida]

Adding into the chorus of, "just say no!"

If she can't afford an ambulance, a taxi will do just fine.  Or a bus.  There's no need for an ambulance in the case of a sore back, anyhow!

My dh had a friend like that, he'd known her when they were kids in Mexico and she contacted him a few years after we were married.  Boy, was she surprised when she learned I spoke Spanish - the contact lessened quite a bit then, when she realized that nothing she said to him was private

[Chocolate Cake]

I vote for asking her a lot more questions before agreeing to be her taxi-service AND let your husband stay home while you drive her there.  If she truly is calling in order to have a chance to hit on your husband, his absence will take a lot of the fun out of it for her.

[Rach]

and should you be tempted to take her out of fear that it might be a real emergency YOU do it -- because 'my husband is busy, but I can run you over to the ER' --

I think this is perfect, if you feel you would worry about it being a real emergency.

[mumma to KMC]

Thank you all for your replies!

I guess when she calls and says she needs to go to the ER, I am afraid the time we say no is the time she will have cut her thumb off or something like that. We (dh and I) with a friend who is also a friend of the ER lady. I mentioned what had happened the  night before and our friend told me pretty much the same thing, don't give in. I guess our friends mom (who was the one who introduced her to the rest of the group) finally cut her off after one too many "crisis" calls.

As far as her "drooling" all over my dh, the next time she does call (and it is a true ER) I will take her myself.

[IndianInlaw]

"We are busy now and running late as it is..can't you call your mother, ( minister, parole officer, stalker)?

I mean, are you the ONLY people she has to take her to the ER?

[mumma to KMC]

I mean, are you the ONLY people she has to take her to the ER?

No we aren't. She has a list she goes down until someone says yes. The calls get more and more desperate the closer to the bottom of the list she gets.

As I acknowledge that I even know that, I feel stupid for taking her to the ER. (But again, what if it were a true ER?) However, our group of friends aren't the type to sit around and say something like "So and so called yesterday for xy and z reason."

I think the last time she pulled the ER stunt was summer of 2005 (at least where we got the call) she said she was seeing spots and they weren't going away, no matter what she did. Well guess what, we were at a dinner that we couldn't leave. Of course we were there with one of the other people she calls for help. (He actually got the call) We managed to arrange child care for her (b/c no matter how I feel about her, her son's safety and comfort is important) and she went off to the ER. Our other friend (who got the call) said we would go to the ER later to pick her up. (We didn't rush dinner or leave early, she just had to wait.) When we got to the ER, she was no where to be found...come to find out she took a cab home. Didn't bother to call and tell us and happily waited for us to bring her son back home.  Oh and the reason she was seeing spots. Dehydration. And not from illness, it was 90 + degrees that week and all she had to drink was soda. AND it turns out our friend's mom (mentioned in a previous post) was called multiple times that day and she gave her advice on what to do. (Drink water and eat something like fruit!) When friend's mom finally got the call that she needed to go to the ER, friend's mom said "No". So when we got the call, (well friend who was with us did) she made things a lot worse sounding then it was.

Come to think about it, I think that we will change our phone numbers and thank our lucky stars she doesn't know where we moved to!

[Venus193]

I guess my question is the next time she calls needing a ride to the ER, what should we do? I don't want to say "Take the ambulance" because I know she can't afford the cost of one. We live in a smaller city that has limited public transportation and her ER trips are almost always after the buses stop running in her area. (Say 5 pm or so.)

Also, short of taking her out back for a friendly meeting with a clue by four, how do I get her to quit drooling over my dh? (BTW, dh is aware of how she "demands" his attention and makes certain that any attention that she gets from him is appropriate to the situation.) He isn't the only man she does this will, she makes cow eyes at any man who talks to her...so I know there is more to it then her just thinking my dh is a wonderful catch and trying to land him herself. (Ain't gonna happen)

You, your DH, and probably other people are being hit by the Tyranny of the Weak.  I don't know why some women think that helplessness is appealing, but they irritate me to no end.  How many meals or other things has she ruined?

As for making cow-eyes at men, I think women who do this are pathetic and either full of themselves or simply lacking in dignity.  If she persists in thiss I would take her aside as though about to impart a major piece of gossip and say, "Sorry, dear, but [insert DH's name] is no longer on the market."

BTW, does she flirt with the doctors in the ER when she gets there?

This woman is a childish attention-junkie.   You can't be the only person who's got her number, so one of these days she'll cry "Wolf" once too often.

[mumma to KMC]

BTW, does she flirt with the doctors in the ER when she gets there?

I don't know if she flirts with the ER docs but I do know that she makes cow eyes at most other men who give her 2 seconds of attention...so I am not that concerned about her trying to steal my man.  (As he is quite a catch, but MY catch.)

You can't be the only person who's got her number, so one of these days she'll cry "Wolf" once too often.

As I posted in another response, we aren't the only #. (I am not sure how she got our # but I digress.) We all go to the same church and she had been getting assistance from our "Mother's Helper" group. (A group that helps out if a mom or family needs clothing, cribs, food and the like as well as making meals for families after babies are born or if there is illness in the family.) The "leader" of the group took her aside one day and said that she has to quit making demands on people and their time. (For example, coming the Sunday night Rosary (we are Catholic) with out a way home and expecting someone to drive her back to her place, 25 minutes away.)  Her response was "I thought I could rely on my church friends."

Well heck, if that is the case, I am 8 months pregnant right now and I have an 11 month old son, who wants to come over and do my dishes and bring the laundry up from the basement? Not to mention, I know from experience that people will probably bring a dish of food after the new baby arrives...why don't you all just start bringing it now? That way I don't have to cook or even think about dinner plans... (okay that wasn't very nice, but I think it gets the point across!)

I guess that is another thing that gets me, yes we are all nice people and we try to help out...but most of us tend to live the line "Give a man a fish and they will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and they will never be hungry."

[emeraldsage85]

Could it be possible that she's trying to steal your DH? 

[mumma to KMC]

Could it be possible that she's trying to steal your DH? 

I don't think that is her plan...I think she just wants attention and thinks only attention from a man counts.

If she were trying to steal my dh, she is barking up the wrong tree. Without making my dh sound like a saint, cause well we all have our faults and so does he, cheating or leaving wouldn't be one of them. That and as he said she is "gross".

[Sirius]

You need to put your foot down, especially since you've gotten a clue that she's drooling over your husband.  There are emergencies and there are emergencies. 

[prechrchet]

He isn't the only man she does this will, she makes cow eyes at any man who talks to her...so I know there is more to it then her just thinking my dh is a wonderful catch and trying to land him herself. (Ain't gonna happen)

I had a similiar problem early in my marriage with a woman that I had gone to college with. She threw herself and pretty much any guy with a pulse, and didn't understand "I'm not interested in being anything more than just a friend." This had been more annoying than anything else when I was single, but when I became married, I saw that this could/would become more of a headache. What I had to do was write her a letter that in no uncertain terms explained why I was cutting off contact with her, and the steps I was taking to make sure that happened. It seems to have worked.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Thank you all for your replies!

I guess when she calls and says she needs to go to the ER, I am afraid the time we say no is the time she will have cut her thumb off or something like that.
As far as her "drooling" all over my dh, the next time she does call (and it is a true ER) I will take her myself.

good for you, but remember, you can ask her why she needs to go to the ER, she can actually call the ER (at least where I live, this is an option) and they can tell her whether she needs to come in.  Go through the questions on that website that someone posted EVERY TIME she asks to go to the ER, and pretty soon, you will be too much of a bother, and you will drop off her list of people to call. 

Also, you are not being a bad christian or person for not taking her or for saying no to her.  It is very clear that she is taking advantage of others (which the bible has alot to say about).  Even if she is just very lonely, she needs to learn to deal with that in an appropriate manner.  You CAN set boundaries and still be a generous and helpful person.  if you dont, your anger/frustration will only grow and this will become a sore spot between you and your husband and you and your church group. 

good luck

[JoyinVirginia]

It took me a while, but I finally remembered the MOST IMPORTANT REASON that people requiring ER care should be transported in an ambulance: (and I am shouting it so everyone will hear)

IF THE PERSON HAS A REAL EMERGENCY WHILE IN TRANSPORT, DO YOU HAVE EQUIPMENT AND TRAINING TO HANDLE IT RIGHT THAT MINUTE? BECAUSE IF YOU DO NOT, THEY COULD DIE.

Quite a few years ago, DH and I worked on volunteer rescue squad. While transporting man who had chest discomfort ("It's just the pizza I ate" he said), his heart stopped. No beats. No blood pressure. No nothing. NO HISTORY OF HEART PROBLEMS. IN HIS 40s. We had 100% oxygen to start bagging him with. We had 2 people to work on him while another person drove. We could start CPR right that minute without stopping the vehicle. We got him to the hospital with a pulse. Could you do that in your car?

This woman has "cried wolf" many many times it seems. What if she calls for a ride the ONE time when it is really serious and she experiences something bad en route. heck, even if she vomits in your car, that would be serious enough for me.

I have been working on a bunch of stuff for work and my brain is full - that is my only excuse for not saying this at first!
Joy in Virginia

[ZipTheWonder]

I am afraid the time we say no is the time she will have cut her thumb off or something like that.

Do you really want the potential liability of taking a seriously ill or injured person to the ER?  I'd say 'no' either way -- simple sore throat or amputated thumb.

I also think someone needs to have an honest conversation with her about her dependency, because if you (generic) don't, your group of friends will just end up passing her and her needs amongst yourselves.

I also think your husband needs to get a new cell phone and empower himself to say 'no' to people who are taking advantage of him in a weird and inappropriate (her = damsel in distress, him = knight in shining armor) way.  This relationship is a recipe for trouble.