"Emergency" Phone Calls

[IndianInlaw]

I never drove and it never occurred to me to call anyone to drive me to the ER.

Once I was so sick that my son (age 12 or so) had to call and get authorization for me to go (pesky insurance co ), then call a cab to take the two of us.  I brought a plastic bag in case I had to..well, you know...Man, I was sick!

The next time I had a large tree limb fall on me and just said "to heck with it" and called an ambulance.

The second time I went all out and asked a friend for a ride home, but that's because I had chipped both ankles and could barely walk.

[mumma to KMC]

even if she vomits in your car, that would be serious enough for me

And knowing her, she probably wouldn't offer to clean it up....

 Your other point is very well taken. I have NO training in medicine. Heck, I have a kid of my own and while I am pretty good about taking care of him and his illnesses if they pop up, I still call my mom if I have a fever or a stomach bug.

[mumma to KMC]

Once I was so sick that my son (age 12 or so) had to call and get authorization for me to go (pesky insurance co Tongue), then call a cab to take the two of us.

I took one trip in an ambulance and well after receiving that bill, I have to say that unless I am unconscious and someone else does the calling you better believe I won't call one for myself ever again. (However I do live 3 minutes from the hospital...)

[Venus193]

The "leader" of the group took her aside one day and said that she has to quit making demands on people and their time. (For example, coming the Sunday night Rosary (we are Catholic) with out a way home and expecting someone to drive her back to her place, 25 minutes away.)  Her response was "I thought I could rely on my church friends."

OK, that way answers the question:  This woman is social vampire.  Too bad she seems immune to holy water.

Kudos to the woman who told her off.  I think the rest of you should follow her example and not let this person take further advantage of you.  Once everyone stops enabling her she will stand on her own two feet, simply because she will have no choice.

[Tabris]

This is intriguing, that she "thought she could rely on her church friends."

Clearly if they are friends with her, then she is friends with them too, right? That's how friendship works.

So...what has she done for her church friends lately?

Call her up next week and tell her you need a ride to the ER. See what happens. 

[IndianInlaw]

Admittedly, when I got hit by the tree and was sitting under the darn thing, I wondered aloud if my insurance was going to pay for it.  The first responder there told me it was not the time to be worried about it. 

Who gets hit by a tree in the city?

[Clara Bow]

POD to Joy, and there is no way that a civilian could handle a lifethreatening emergency in their Honda. This woman needs to be educated and there is no law saying you're the one who has to do it. Cut her off!

[Elfqueen13]

Most of the advice given is great (tell her to call the ambulance or take her without your DH) but I'm going to disagree on one small point.  You should not be the one to tell her that her behavior towards your husband is unacceptable.  He needs to do that.  Clearly, plainly and bluntly.  This is not the kind of woman who takes subtle hints and the fact that she excludes you from conversation tells me that she wouldn't pay any attention if you talked to her.  Women like that rationalize their behavior with "Well, HE didn't say anything.  The wife/girlfriend must just be jealous and insecure". 

[Venus193]

Elfqueen, I think you're right.  And I also think there should be witnesses.

[blarg314]

Ah, the totally clueless emotional vampire with no boundaries.

On one hand, you tend to feel kind of sorry for people like this because they are obviously lonely and pathetic. She has no real friends, so she has to rely on manipulation for attention.

However, they will take and take and take until you have nothing left, and will never give anything in return.  She shows the classic signs - she phones with 'emergencies' carefully crafted for times when it's harder to brush her off (just after the buses stop, or on weekends).  She overstates situations to get immediate attention.  She's careful to interact with the people who will give her the best response.  She uses guilt - the ER calls have you thinking "Well, what if it is a real emergency" or "What about her son", plus the Church Friends card ("if you were a real Christian you'd help me).  She puts herself into positions where she'll be in real difficulty if no-one steps in (like showing up with no ride home) when she could as easily have phoned before the event.

With people like this you need to set firm limits - the next time she phones for a ride, tell her that you will phone either a cab or an ambulance for her.  Or, if you can't bring yourself to do that *you* take her (not your husband) and drop her *and* her kid off at the entrance and leave. With no one to flirt with and a cranky small kid the ER will look a lot less inviting.

You can't stop her from being an emotional vampire, but you can stop her from feeding off of you.

[freakyfemme]

Two words:  Caller I.D.

[MerryRaven]

Just to put in my two cents.

My husband is a very caring and helpful man.  He is a couselor professionally and he really listens to people. 

Some women think because he is caring and compassionate that he is 'interested' in him.  Usually very needy people. 

Yes.  Set some boundaries. Say No.

What if you could not have gone along? Would your hubby have tried to help anyway? 

Speaking from experience, my husband was shocked when a 'friend' like this tried to put the moves on him when he went to take her to the ER for a medical emergency.  The next time she called he said there was no way and she figured it out for herself and got some other person to take her.

Some women think being 'needy' is a recipe for finding a man. 

[mumma to KMC]

What if you could not have gone along? Would your hubby have tried to help anyway?

I think my husband would have taken her anyway...again, as she gets more desperate (the closer to the end of her list she gets) her symptoms become much worse, so we aren't sure what is truth and what isn't. For example last summer when she pulled the "I am seeing spots" thing, well that could be a sign of a stroke or something, so we should help her out. (Turns out you see spots when you are dehydrated too from not drinking anything but soda.)

Some women think being 'needy' is a recipe for finding a man.

While I know it is true, I find it very interesting that a woman would do that to get a man. What sort of man wants a woman who is a ditz?

[fklwmn]

While I know it is true, I find it very interesting that a woman would do that to get a man. What sort of man wants a woman who is a ditz?

Nick Lache. Or any other man who has fallen for the Jessica Simpsons of the world.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Women like that annoy me to NO end, and the men who fall all over themselves to take care of them annoy me even more.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I think my husband would have taken her anyway...again, as she gets more desperate (the closer to the end of her list she gets) her symptoms become much worse, so we aren't sure what is truth and what isn't. For example last summer when she pulled the "I am seeing spots" thing, well that could be a sign of a stroke or something, so we should help her out. (Turns out you see spots when you are dehydrated too from not drinking anything but soda.)

This needs to be a big No-No between you and your husband.  You sound very  hung up on the idea "but what if she really needs help?" She has probably recognized this helpful/guilty facet of your personality and preys on it.  The issue here is not about helping her or not helping her - you have already determined that you are going to help her if she *truly* needs  it. The issue here is that she is crossing the boundary line between you and your husband's relationship (not speaking you you and flirting with your husband, asking for HIS help to get him alone).  You are a team, and need to have a unified response to people who would try to break you apart.  The fact that you are not sure what is 'true' symptoms from her means only that she will spare no limit in attempting to come between you two (whether it is uniquely your husband or not doesnt matter, either), It does not mean that you should feel guilty for not giving in to her manipulation. 

Again, if she is in that much trouble (such as a stroke, or bleeding or ....) and ambulance is much better equipped to handle that sort of emergency (and faster, and time is of the essence in those situations).  If it is something else, that fact that she can call you, (and presumably down a list of people who have denied her), means she can call a cab.  The other poster who said that a trip to the ER with a young child will become much less appealing the more she does it is so right. 

JMO