"Emergency" Phone Calls

[Hawkwatcher]

This needs to be a big No-No between you and your husband.  You sound very  hung up on the idea "but what if she really needs help?" She has probably recognized this helpful/guilty facet of your personality and preys on it.  The issue here is not about helping her or not helping her - you have already determined that you are going to help her if she *truly* needs  it. The issue here is that she is crossing the boundary line between you and your husband's relationship (not speaking you you and flirting with your husband, asking for HIS help to get him alone).  You are a team, and need to have a unified response to people who would try to break you apart.  The fact that you are not sure what is 'true' symptoms from her means only that she will spare no limit in attempting to come between you two (whether it is uniquely your husband or not doesnt matter, either), It does not mean that you should feel guilty for not giving in to her manipulation. 

Again, if she is in that much trouble (such as a stroke, or bleeding or ....) and ambulance is much better equipped to handle that sort of emergency (and faster, and time is of the essence in those situations).  If it is something else, that fact that she can call you, (and presumably down a list of people who have denied her), means she can call a cab.  The other poster who said that a trip to the ER with a young child will become much less appealing the more she does it is so right. 

JMO

I agree that it would be a horrible idea for the OP's husband to spend any time alone with her.  Although I have no doubt that he is very trustworthy, who knows what lengths this woman would go to to cause trouble? She has already shown no respect for the OP or her husband.

I also agree that an ambulance is much better equipped to help her in a real emergency.  An ambulance can also get to the hospital quicker than the OP. 

[Venus193]

Women like that annoy me to NO end, and the men who fall all over themselves to take care of them annoy me even more.

Exponential ditto.  I have no patience with women like this.  They give the rest of us a bad name.

[IndianInlaw]

MerryRaven, have you read Glen Gabbard's books on boundaries in psychotherapy? 

They're really good!

[bopper]

Many people are saying to quit this woman cold turkey...shich may be a good idea.
But if you still want to help her you can still set boundaries.  Like if it is an emergency that you need to drop everything, then she really should call an ambulance.  She can't pay?  Well if she is that poor, doesn't medicaid handle it?   If it is not an emergency, then you pick her up at your convenience.  or tell her that if it is not life threatening, then she should not go to the ER but should make an appt at her regular doctor.  And certainly don't volunteer to watch her kid when she is not asking, she can bring the child with her.  If she doesn't like that, then she should make arrangements before her appt.

You are treating her like a normal person, like you yourself would want to be treated.  But she is not like you, and has an entitlement personality.  So you have to set boundaries on what you will and won't do.  Just tell her "If this is an emergency, call an ambulance.  Otherwise make an appt. for the afternoon and I will be able to take you.  If that does not work for you I am sorry."

[MerryRaven]

While I know it is true, I find it very interesting that a woman would do that to get a man. What sort of man wants a woman who is a ditz?

Karolsmama

I have been married for a long time.  This goes on all the time with single women and even married women.  My husband is not that handsome except to me.  He was balding when he was in his 30's.

And yet there have been several instances where women have kind of thrown themselves at him in this needy way.  As he is a counselor they ask for advice about their kids, they have s little crisis and have to have him come over.  Or they need the hospital or furniture moved or something.

After the first time I related, my husband and I developed tactics to nip this in the bud.  I take care of the matter myself.  She calls I deal with the situation.  She calls my husband he hands the phone to me. 
I slowly wind the situation down. 

I was surprised to find their are women (and probably men) that just like to break up good marriages/relationships.  They get a thrill from the drama. 

I am lucky that my husband and I always talk to each other.  I could express the first time how uncomfortable I was with the woman's intensity and my husband was insightful enough to catch on to what was going on.

Emotional vampire is a good term for these people.

Now that we are in our 50's this doesn't happen very often anymore.

[kingsrings]

I'd ask a lot more questions before committing to take "A" to the ER again, because it sounds like she doesn't know how to tell an emergency from a non-emergency.

Yup.  Is there any way to politely give her the following URL?  http://www.thehealthpages.com/articles/ar-erinf.html  ("Before you go to the ER, read this")  This page has a good list of symptoms that are potentially life threatening and should warrant a trip to the ER, as well as other symptoms that need looking at, but are a waste of the ER staff's time.

There are few things that upset me more than people who needlessly clog up the Emergency Room.  A couple of days ago, a friend from another forum had to take his pregnant wife in to the ER because she started showing signs of an impending miscarriage.  Due to crappy triage and an ER waiting room full of people there with complaints like having the flu or an earache, his wife sat there in a growing puddle of her own blood for over six hours.  Due to being busy and twice screwing up procedures, it took nine hours before they actually got around to doing an ultrasound to check on the status of the child.  The good news is that the baby and mother are alright and the vaginal bleeding was due to something else.  This is the state of ERs all over the US.  Those who NEED to be seen often are neglected for near inexcusable periods of time, simply because ERs are clogged up with patients who should not be there.  If you are not dying or SERIOUSLY wounded, get out of the ER.  By being there, you are putting others' lives at risk and seriously taxing a stressed out medical staff.  Most major cities have urgent care facilities and a lot of doctor's offices have after hour answering services if you just have to talk to somebody about your backache...  G'ah. 

You're a nicer person than me.  I probably would have told off your "friend" when I found out her "emergency".     Just say no next time.  If she has the gall to question it (which those who have the nerve to act like this generally will do), be honest that you feel taken advantage of in these situations.  Point out that you are not public transit.  I've had "friends" like this before.  They'll use you as long as you allow them to.  Considering that it sounds like you only hear from her when she needs something, she's not a friend.

POD. Most healthcare plans have 24-hr. advice nurses nowadays. One should always call them first before making any trip to the ER, because that would stop a lot of unecesarry visits and make room for the real emergencies. As it is, my healthcare provider has to charge their members a $100 co-pay on ER visits just so that their members won't abuse the ER and use it as a regular doctor's visit. It's fine for me as I would get reimbursed for the cost from my supplemental insurance, so I don't mind much and understand why they do that.

[behindbj]

 

Who gets hit by a tree in the city?

behindbj, looking away and whistling as if trying not to be noticed...

I have no idea.

behindbj