Author Topic: I felt so sorry for the poor groom  (Read 10707 times)

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Lunadiana75

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I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« on: February 22, 2007, 02:45:08 PM »
But at least he dodged one hideous bullet:


I went to the bridal shower recently of my DH's cousin's fiancée. On their registry they has an everyday dish set that was about $120. Walking around a different store, I found the same dinner set on clearance at about $50. Thinking I was getting something that the couple wanted, I thought I really lucked out and bought it. (This is how I buy many gifts for showers/weddings, you can usually find things cheaper elsewhere, and it is the same stuff). Went through the shower routine, got the obligatory excited "thank you" during the shower and thought that was that.

However, then I got a phone call from the bride's mother. They said that she wanted to return the gift to the store, and needed the gift receipt to do so. I asked why she wanted to return it, since it was on her registry, and was told that the bride registered for that dinner set because it was more expensive than the one she wanted, and that she would return the more expensive set and get the cheaper set and store credit, but she needed the receipt. I explained that I got the set from store X, not store Y, because I thought that's what they wanted and I could get it for a price I could afford. The mother said that was very selfish of me and hung up.

Later, bridezilla calls and leaves me a message saying where she's registered in no uncertain terms, and says that there's a reason brides register at certain stores. It took all my energy not to call her back and tell her yeah, so they can get what they WANT and NEED for their house, TO KEEP.

When I played message for DH, he agreed that he didn’t want to get involved with this mess, but because he made non-refundable hotel reservations he wanted to know if we could go up and spend time with his mother, stepfather, and grandparents. I agreed under the stipulation that if he changed his mind he wouldn't think twice about leaving me at the hotel when he goes to the wedding, and that he will spend no money that is mine or ours on a wedding gift, but he will not attach my name to any gift.

DH's mother called earlier. DH has been working nights, so I took the call. She asked if I had gotten the wedding invite yet, and if we were still planning on going. I explained everything that happened, and she was horrified. She wasn't able to go to the shower, but she sent a gift with a receipt that she had saved up a long time for (she's busy paying off medical expenses and such, so she did have to save for about 6 months to get the gift she wanted). She was really upset about the thought of her time and money wasted, and she called up her brother's wife (future MIL of bridezilla) and asked how cousin Richie and bridezilla liked the gift. Brother's wife, who's house has the gifts stored, goes looking for cousin, and can't find the gift anywhere in her house, where they’re "storing" the gifts until Richie and bridezilla move into their new house.

My MIL is now very upset herself, and wishes she hadn't accepted invite. She says she'll go to wedding but bring no gift, but she asked me to please not tell her mother (who's bedridden from a stroke) about what happened, because my grandmother in law worked hard to be able to go out in a wheelchair to specially pick out a gift for bridezilla, and to hear that it was just for returns would really upset her. I don't blame her.

Bridezilla found out that DH and I aren't coming to the wedding, and found out why (because of the whole shower fiasco). She also found out that my SIL isn't coming for the same reason (she actually told Richie’s friend that she doesn't have the money to spend on a sham gift.) Also, even though MIL and I swore we weren't going to tell my grandmother in law, somehow she found out and called her son (Richie's father) to say that she's horrified and completely upset that they would do that to the family, and that she's decided not to come "due to her health."

This, of course, sent bridezilla into a fit (mainly because GIL bought the best shower gift, money wise, so she probably got a good return on that one). She's now insisting that "no one from THAT part of the family" come (meaning my mother, stepfather, and sister in laws and kids, grandmother/fatherIL, and uncle/aunt that know the situation and won't buy a present, and of course DH and I). She says that there's no point in us coming if we are going to "destroy tradition" and not bring gifts (I know where we stand with her now!) We know this because bridezilla's mother (that charming lady) called and asked that we don't come, and asked us to pass it along! MIL called her brother and asked what's up, and he says of course we're ALL invited, in fact he'd be hurt if we don't come. There needs to be some more communication in this family.

DH got this e-mail this morning from his cousin:

"Hello, everyone, I have some sad news about my upcoming wedding. After some long consideration I have decided to cancel the wedding. Some things have come to my attention in the last day, and I find them horrible. I found that *bridezilla* has used the guests who were generous enough to send us gifts to get money, and has treated our friends and family horribly. I'm very sorry to all of you who were treated this way, and I assure you that you will get your shower or wedding gifts back, or get the equivalent of what it's worth. I wish I had learned of this earlier, because I feel bad canceling the wedding with just a month to go, however I don't think I can go through marrying a person who is willing to treat those who were supposed to be closest to us in such a manner. I apologize to all those who made travel arrangements, and have set up a family reunion at (place and time omitted). I hope to see you there, and again, I'm very sorry to all of you. Love to all of you, Richie"

I'm sad for Richie because he's obviously upset about this, and I wouldn't wish anyone to find out that the person they love is such a bridezilla. However I'm happy he realized that he was going to make a mistake and got out before it was too late. I think the e-mail speaks for the class of the groom in this situation, I've heard etiquette dictates that he's supposed to call everyone to tell them it's off, but I think after making such a painful decision I know it took a lot to write that e-mail, I wouldn't expect him to go through the pain of calling everyone (I noticed that several people are excluded from said e-mail, namely his parents, grandparents, and bridezilla, though bridezilla's mother got the e-mail!) I'm excited to go to the reunion, as is DH, MIL, and SIL, and we will do what we can to support Richie in this.

I just want to know if he's making bridezilla pay for all those gifts she returned, or if he's doing it himself. I also wonder if I'm going to get my dinner set back or if she sold it on e-Bay or something yet.

 FauxPasOfTheYear0801-06

YEA FOR RICHIE!  Two such stories in one update!  Yes, it's a trend

Squeaks

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2007, 02:53:26 PM »
I think he showed a lot of class.

Lunadiana75

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2007, 02:57:50 PM »
I was thinking the same thing Squeaks. With class like that, someday he'll meet someone wonderful.

Just Lori

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2007, 03:02:33 PM »
I remember when this was posted.  Is the original poster on this forum?  I'd love to know how Richie is doing.

willow08

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2007, 03:06:00 PM »
I think it was from a poster named Rose on the old forum. There were actually a couple of more updates where the bridezilla refused to give back gifts that were at her house and called the poster a few times leaving harassing voicemail messages for her.
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Squeaks

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2007, 03:09:41 PM »
I think it was from a poster named Rose on the old forum. There were actually a couple of more updates where the bridezilla refused to give back gifts that were at her house and called the poster a few times leaving harassing voicemail messages for her.


Was that the one were the groom had to go into hiding?  and I think a restraining order was involved.

snowball's chance

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2007, 04:06:10 PM »
w/ the way Bridezilla acted thus far, is anyone surprised she refused to return wedding gifts?

Clara Bow

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2007, 09:59:47 PM »
Yay for Richie....though I am sure there was more to the breakup than soliciting his guests for money. Can you imagine what engagement ring shopping with this Female Dog must have been like? Or finding a house? Or car? Or anything for which Richie was flipping the bill?
I have finally found the bar I can't get thrown out of....

Asharah

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2007, 01:47:45 AM »
Yay for Richie....though I am sure there was more to the breakup than soliciting his guests for money. Can you imagine what engagement ring shopping with this Female Dog must have been like? Or finding a house? Or car? Or anything for which Richie was flipping the bill?
Guy saved himself years of debt and potential bankruptcy!

Asharah

Lillie82

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2010, 02:06:01 PM »
I've heard etiquette dictates that he's supposed to call everyone to tell them it's off, but I think after making such a painful decision I know it took a lot to write that e-mail, I wouldn't expect him to go through the pain of calling everyone

Richie certainly gets points for not wanting to be with someone so materialistic, and for apologizing to his family for how they've been treated...and I don't fault him for using email to make the announcement that the wedding is off...but I thought normally it wasn't cool to discuss the details of the reasons for your breakup in a public forum (in this case, what seems to be a mass email?) Particularly if people received it who had not already been hit up by Bridezilla for gifts, and therefore may not have known what was going on already. The second letter in this Dear Abby post addresses that issue:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080218

Having said that, I can see why Richie would, because he probably wants to be clear that he's not complicit in what his (former) bride has been doing.

Squeaks

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2010, 09:52:40 AM »
I've heard etiquette dictates that he's supposed to call everyone to tell them it's off, but I think after making such a painful decision I know it took a lot to write that e-mail, I wouldn't expect him to go through the pain of calling everyone

Richie certainly gets points for not wanting to be with someone so materialistic, and for apologizing to his family for how they've been treated...and I don't fault him for using email to make the announcement that the wedding is off...but I thought normally it wasn't cool to discuss the details of the reasons for your breakup in a public forum (in this case, what seems to be a mass email?) Particularly if people received it who had not already been hit up by Bridezilla for gifts, and therefore may not have known what was going on already. The second letter in this Dear Abby post addresses that issue:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080218

Having said that, I can see why Richie would, because he probably wants to be clear that he's not complicit in what his (former) bride has been doing.


I think there is a difference between exposing dirty laundry that people may have not known and directly addressing an issue that is well known.  I think the idea of not discussing the details is because they are usually private and involve mainly the B & G and few others if at all.  In this case others were involved.  He is not really airing anything that is not widely known, rather he is apologizing for his unwilling participation.  It seems a bit different.  Sure there might be some how got the e-mail that did not know, but they may still have been wronged even if they did not know, and likewise there may well be people who were hurt that the groom did not know about.

There is not a hint of revenge or even really finger pointing (well beyond facts).  And to me that makes it different.  He is just acknowledging the 300 point gorilla. . . . something that I personally think is a good thing and something we often needlessly avoid.






 

LeeLee88

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2010, 02:12:57 PM »
Woooooowwwww  :o  :o  :o.  I sincerely hope everyone who could go went to the reunion.  Richie sounds like a good guy, and I'm sure he could've needed the reassurance that he was still loved and cherished by his family. 

cnhartman2

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2010, 09:27:38 AM »
It's wonderful to see a groom stick up for his friends and family like that!  But since when do you have to buy a wedding gift when you already sent a shower gift?

567Kate

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2010, 01:39:23 PM »
It's wonderful to see a groom stick up for his friends and family like that!  But since when do you have to buy a wedding gift when you already sent a shower gift?

I think people generally treat wedding/shower gifts in one of two ways:

1. The couple only gets one gift in celebration of the wedding. If you are invited to the shower, you give that gift then, and only bring a card to the wedding, if anything.
2. The shower and wedding are separate gift-giving events. However, the total amount spent for the wedding doesn't usually change, and the shower gift is usually smaller in value. (For example, if you usually give $100 presents, you might give a $30 gift at the shower and a $70 gift at the wedding.)

I think this varies by region and social circle. Obviously the bride in this story was rude no matter what!

Winterlight

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Re: I felt so sorry for the poor groom
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2010, 01:12:25 PM »
I've heard etiquette dictates that he's supposed to call everyone to tell them it's off, but I think after making such a painful decision I know it took a lot to write that e-mail, I wouldn't expect him to go through the pain of calling everyone

Richie certainly gets points for not wanting to be with someone so materialistic, and for apologizing to his family for how they've been treated...and I don't fault him for using email to make the announcement that the wedding is off...but I thought normally it wasn't cool to discuss the details of the reasons for your breakup in a public forum (in this case, what seems to be a mass email?) Particularly if people received it who had not already been hit up by Bridezilla for gifts, and therefore may not have known what was going on already. The second letter in this Dear Abby post addresses that issue:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080218

Having said that, I can see why Richie would, because he probably wants to be clear that he's not complicit in what his (former) bride has been doing.

I think in this case I'd grant him a pass, because clearly the rest of the family knew what she was doing and he wanted to make sure they knew that A. He hadn't known about it and B. He immediately took steps when he did.
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