Learning to say 'No - that won't be possible'

[menana]

My younger DD works in a department store. Some of her co-workers asked for rides to and from work with no offer of gas money. One particular woman lives out of the way. Her family brings her to work but she never has a ride after work. Also, DD offered her couch to a co-worker who was in the process of moving to her own place. This young lady made no offer of reimbursement for food, gas and other costs my DD supplied. I told DD to tell them "I'm afraid that won't be possible" - lather, rinse, repeat. DD has not given anyone a ride in over a week. She moved her friend out and that was the last favor given.

I work in a convenience store. There are many times that emergencies come up and we will trade off days. I don't mind doing this. I will come in on short notice if the manager calls me. My DD says I am too nice. I have changed my plans on short notice and not have the favor reciprocated. Last night a new worker called me. She wanted me to come in and work from 6pm to 11pm last night. My last day off was Sunday the 13th. I am also filling in on days (we are shorthanded) and I am going in at 5:30am today. The last two nights I worked, I left exhausted. I hadn't slept well and I needed Saturday to veg out. I asked the co-worker if her other job had called her in. Yes she said and then but I want to go to the Rattlesnake Festival in nearby town. It's my only chance to go. You're my only hope (Obi Wan). I said No - I am really tired and I have to be there in the morning. This was not an emergency.

Both my DD and I feel very good and no guilt!!!!

[FoxPaws]

Good for both of you!! It's an empowering feeling isn't it?

I personally have no problems trading shifts or coming in if it does not inconvenience me, but it irritates me when people act like I'm denying their rights when I say no. It also gets them a spot on my permanant "Sorry, I can't" list.

I also have a "one favor" rule. I'll help somebody out once. If they're cool and appreciative, I'll do it again. If they never say a word of thanks, or act as though it's my duty in life to bail them out - they go on the above mentioned list. (BTW, 9 times out of 10 I'll turn down gas money, but it still really irks me when it's not even offered.)

[menana]

It does feel good to say NO. People sometimes act as if they are entitled and it's my duty to do them favors. I have mentally kicked myself numerous times for saying yes I'll do it, when I really didn't want to.

[demarco]

Good for both of you!  (The ride thing can get old really fast.  It's is amazing how quickly coworkers and others begin to see you as "public transportation" if you don't put some limits on it early on.)

[menana]

My co-worker managed to get out of work on Sunday. She also called another worker to relieve her on Saturday. She was able to leave work Sunday night at 7 pm. Another co-worker said the girl had the brown bottle flu!

I just don't understand how people take jobs and then do their best to get out of working.

[andi]

good for you and your daughter!

i have a friend who's been way to nice to a co-worker for MONTHS, letting her crash at her house several days a week.  she finally told her "look, i don't mind you being here - but your living arrangements / commute isn't working for MY family.  you'll need to find something else".  Wow - 2 days later she and her fiance had "bought" a house.

[Niona]

Good for both of you!! It's an empowering feeling isn't it?

I personally have no problems trading shifts or coming in if it does not inconvenience me, but it irritates me when people act like I'm denying their rights when I say no. It also gets them a spot on my permanant "Sorry, I can't" list.

I also have a "one favor" rule. I'll help somebody out once. If they're cool and appreciative, I'll do it again. If they never say a word of thanks, or act as though it's my duty in life to bail them out - they go on the above mentioned list. (BTW, 9 times out of 10 I'll turn down gas money, but it still really irks me when it's not even offered.)

See, I don't understand how, when people do someone else a favour, how the person receving the favour thinks that it's perfectly okay not to even say thank you. When someone does a favour for me, I'm very careful to say thank you, and do them a favour in return - how can people just accept favours as if it's their right?

[menana]

The girl that wanted me to work for her got out of work last Sunday. She wanted to go horseback riding with her friends. She came into work last night at 7pm and proceded to complain about having to get up early for her other job. I was scheduled to leave at 9pm. I wasn't going to stay for anyone!
I don't mind doing favors for people until they start taking advantage. When favors are asked over and over again without thanks or reciprocation, then I get angry. I have had problems voicing my displeasure. I think I've found that voice!

[Céline LeChat]

Good for both of you!  (The ride thing can get old really fast.  It's is amazing how quickly coworkers and others begin to see you as "public transportation" if you don't put some limits on it early on.)

You're too right. I remember a 4-weeks course I took 2 years ago. It was about 40 minutes away from home by car, 60 minutes by public transportation. After 3 days of ferrying four other friends who lived in the same area, I stopped to buy fuel. Made a quick calculation. Told everyone how much the fuel was (less than the public transportation would have been)
They all blanched, grudgingly took their wallets and paid. The next day I was alone in my car.
(may I mention that I always say I expect to be compensated for fuel before I offer a ride)


OP, you and your daughter both were courageous in that you managed to break out of established habits. I hope the coworkers you "betrayed" won't bear you any ill will (like my "friends" did)

[menana]

I haven't had any problems with this particular worker. In fact, I heard that she enjoyed working with me. My DD told me the other night when leaving work, her former house guest started walking towards DD's car. The other girl said, Can you take me to the 7-11. DD responded - I guess so since you're here at my car. Co-worker said - Did you want me to ask first? DD - Yes, that would be nice and polite, ask first next time before we leave work.

[thebeckster]

Where I work, there a just a couple of us that live in a particular area. Not far away, but north, and most people here live south.

One girl knew I lived not too far from her, and asked one day if I could give her a ride home. That ride home turned in to almost a month of picking her up and dropping her off every day. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the distance to give her a ride. It was the fact that EVERY morning, when I arrived, at the same time, she was never ready. I mean, never ready to the point where there was mother than once that I called her to let her know I had been ringing the bell and knocking with no response.

How did I get out of this? Easy. My sister fell and broke her arm. I told coworker I had to help her get dressed in the morning and wouldn't be able to give her a ride any longer. She stopped coming in to work.

[Minmom3]

Where I work, there a just a couple of us that live in a particular area. Not far away, but north, and most people here live south.

One girl knew I lived not too far from her, and asked one day if I could give her a ride home. That ride home turned in to almost a month of picking her up and dropping her off every day. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the distance to give her a ride. It was the fact that EVERY morning, when I arrived, at the same time, she was never ready. I mean, never ready to the point where there was mother than once that I called her to let her know I had been ringing the bell and knocking with no response.

How did I get out of this? Easy. My sister fell and broke her arm. I told coworker I had to help her get dressed in the morning and wouldn't be able to give her a ride any longer. She stopped coming in to work.

That's like making your spouse be the fall guy for not doing something....  Hope your sister got better fast!