Classic Gimme: Kid's Birthday Party

[Asharah]

Submitted for your disapproval--

**All names have been changed to protect the criminally stupid** Asharah's comment: Why?

My cousin (Jim) and his wife (Carrie) have two children, Amy (the birthday child) was turning three, and Max who is almost a year.  Carrie's sister (Amanda) and her husband (Eric) have a child, Emily who was turning two and another child on the way.

With me so far? Okay, here we go.

Carrie and Amanda thought it would be a great idea to have a dual birthday party for the two girls, they were both born in early December. Kill two birds with one stone, right? Well, not really.  I don't really care much for my cousin, but I always fulfilled my family obligation by showing up at these circuses. Amanda and Eric, however....I think I have met once. This leads up to the biggest case of the gimmies that I have ever seen.

The computer-generated invitation arrived two weeks before the party. (Actually this is a switch for these people...I usually only get the pleasure of a telephone call.)  The party was to take place at Jim's mothers house (my aunt) which is where Carrie and Jim are currently living. The invitation listed clothing sizes and favorite toys for BOTH girls. Asharah's comment: Well, if it was a standardized invitation, that might not be surprising. Then I read the rest of the invitation. Guests were asked to bring a gift for BOTH children, so as not to "cause jealousy". Asharah's comment: For the kids or parents? I don't think the kids are old enough to count to see if the other one got more presents.

Now, had I  actually known Amanda and Eric, I would not have had a problem with this. But as I stated before, I didn't know them. And there was no way I was going to pony up for two kids, when I could barely afford to purchase for one.

I wound up getting the flu and begging off, but I did send my gift for Amy with my mother, who actually went to this shindig. She said not only was most of our family there, but Carrie and Amanda's family (both sides) and Eric's family, too. Plus various other friends and co-workers. At least 60 people, in a very small house I might add. People were leaving to make room for others. There was a co-worker of Jim's that was actually asked to leave by Amanda, because he did not bring Emily a gift.

Someone tried to point out that most people did not bring two gifts, but Amanda's reply was that those people were "family" and that was okay. Eric took pity on his "poor" wife by trying to explain away her rudeness as "pregnancy hormones". Asharah's comment: You know, I saw a documentary on cable today about female serial killers. It therorized that one reason Baroness Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary murdered about 600 girls to drink and bathe in their blood was because she was suffering from iron deficiency.  If I'm grossing you out with this comment let me know and I'll delete it.

My mother was irate (she didn't want to go in the first place, but felt that old tug of "family obligation"), and she was surprised that guests were not asked to bring gifts for the new baby, too. Asharah's comment: I'm sure someone, probably family, will throw a huge baby shower for the the expected second child!

And of course.....no thank you cards.

Gimme0107-04

[Gyro Widget]

Yuck... this is almost as bad as the "you have to bring gifts for ALL siblings of the birthday child as well so they do not feel left out" trend. 

Kids need to realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, that they do not always get what they want, and that some celebrations are just NOT ALL ABOUT THEM!  Otherwise, we would be raising a society full of entitled brats...  I bet that the two birthday kids in the story will be the same kids at weddings who will be trying to dance with the bride and groom during the First Dance while their parents "awwww" in the background (as was once posted on this forum before).   

[snowflake]

Kids need to realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, that they do not always get what they want, and that some celebrations are just NOT ALL ABOUT THEM!     

I hate it when kids are allowed to open presents that aren't for them just because they'll whine if they can't.  Sorry, I'd rather listen to a kid whine while he adjusts to reality than watch him add layers of brattiness.  Besides, he'll whine anyway when he can't have everything he opens.

[GoldenGemini]

Someone tried to point out that most people did not bring two gifts, but Amanda's reply was that those people were "family" and that was okay. Eric took pity on his "poor" wife by trying to explain away her rudeness as "pregnancy hormones". Asharah's comment: You know, I saw a documentary on cable today about female serial killers. It therorized that one reason Baroness Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary murdered about 600 girls to drink and bathe in their blood was because she was suffering from iron deficiency.  If I'm grossing you out with this comment let me know and I'll delete it.

Hee hee! I have iron deficiency.  Wanna come over for dinner?

[Green70000]

In defense of the tackiness, I have twin sisters. I cannot tell you how many times someone brought a gift labeled for both of them. I would get a gift, my brother would get a gift, then there would be a gift for "the twins" or "the girls" (even though I was also a girl I was not included in this label). Not only things that two people could use together like toy cars or that could be traded like clothes, but a Christmas ornament or a doll. When your young daughter is crying and not able to understand why other people don't realize that she and her sister aren't the same person, I can understand someone specifying that people should bring two gifts, one for each. My mother never did so. She just brought extra gifts and divided them up. But I can understand.

[mechtilde]

If there are two birthday girls, they need two presents. Even if it is a joint party and even if you have never met one of them.

Yes, I've had to do that. I've had to buy four presents for one party before now. I don't buy expensive presents, but it wasn't easy having to buy four back then.

That's the one thing the parents were right about- the rest of it though...

[cicero]

If there are two birthday girls, they need two presents. Even if it is a joint party and even if you have never met one of them.

Yes, I've had to do that. I've had to buy four presents for one party before now. I don't buy expensive presents, but it wasn't easy having to buy four back then.

That's the one thing the parents were right about- the rest of it though...

I thought the rule was that if you are invited to a joint birthday party but only know one of the kids, then you only have to bring a gift for one. e.g., twins who are in different classes/same grade throw a joint party and your child is in class with one of the twins and doesn't know/doesn't play with the other, or a joint party for siblings who are 1-2 years apart, then you bring a gift for the one that is the *reason* your kid is invited. In the OP - i don't see why i would have to bring a gift for a child I don't know, for parents i barely know, just because they decided to save costs and have a joint party.

[mechtilde]

In the OP - i don't see why i would have to bring a gift for a child I don't know, for parents i barely know, just because they decided to save costs and have a joint party.

I don't like it either. That said I don't think it is right to give a present to just one child at a joint party- it isn't about the parents it is about the children.

[Emmy]

If there are two birthday girls, they need two presents. Even if it is a joint party and even if you have never met one of them.

Yes, I've had to do that. I've had to buy four presents for one party before now. I don't buy expensive presents, but it wasn't easy having to buy four back then.

That's the one thing the parents were right about- the rest of it though...

if several people were coming, I don't see why those who know Emily can't just buy Emily a gift and those who know Amy buy Amy a gift.  Both girls will still get several gifts each.  Why would it matter if every person bought each child a gift?  I agree with cierco that if the hosts want to save money and effort by combining a party with two (or more) children, they shouldn't expect guests to shell out for children they don't know.  It was really tacky to ask guests to get a gift for both girls, especially if there were 60 guests.

In the case of twins, yes it is thoughtless for a family member to treat them as one person and buy only gift.  However, if the twins threw a party with friends, I don't think the friend should have to get a gift for the sibling they don't know.  My DD's were born the same month and if I do a combined party where they each invite their own friends, I would certainly not expect DD1's friends to also bring a gift for DD2 and vice versa.

[Katana_Geldar]

My birthday and my sisters birthday are within a week of each other and we've had joint parties. Equal number of friends, equal number of presents. I think the only ones who brought two presents were relatives.

[*inviteseller]

My DD's birthdays are 4 days apart and I had 2 'joint' parties..I would rent a grove at the county park, have older DD's party first because it was her friends, then after 3 hours, the majority of them left and we had younger DD's party..a few little friends but mostly family and adult friends.  Neither my kids nor I expected everyone bring 2 gifts.  Yes, the family did, and one of younger DD's friends (well, the parents as they were 2 yrs) brought a small gift for older DD as they had met her a few times and knew it was her birthday too, but I didn't expect any of older DD's friends to bring little one gifts, even though she was there and we were celebrating her birthday too.  I raised my kids to understand that they have their own days and their own friends so not to expect something from everyone.

[jmarvellous]

When my brother and I were little, we had joint birthday celebrations most years because our birthdays are in the same week. 

These parties were attended primarily by our neighborhood friends, so they (and their parents) knew both of us without exception. They were small backyard/living room parties with homemade treats and games. And the guests got gifts for both of us. It would have been weird if they hadn't, but my mom raised us well and we'd not have raised a fuss. Putting a reminder on the invitation is just weird--"Party for X and Y" should be indication enough.

In years when we had "school friend" or single-sex parties, the events were not combined--and only a few friends who were close to the family brought gifts for both of us. Once we got older, people were friends with only one of us and would just wish the other well on their birthday.

My father, maternal grandfather and uncle also have birthdays that same week (which is also typically a holiday week), so our family was pretty well versed in the 'sharing' of birthdays. It is only hard if you make it hard.

[Jones]

I told this story once on the SS thread...about 600 pages ago so I guess I'll share it here 

There was a couple who were friends of friends. The husband is related, through marriage, to my husband. The daughter is about a year older than my DD, the son a good 4 years older than his sister. We did try for friendship, and got along OK for a while but we would never be accused of bosom friendships.

We were invited, as a family, to the boy's birthday party (the one about 5 years older than my oldest child). It was a shindig at the public park, kids could run freely, very casual "party". We didn't know the boy well at all, but I bought him a Nerf gun set that involved two guns and about a million foam darts, so he could play with his sister or a friend, or his dad...trust me, it was something I was sure his dad would do with him.

Imagine my surprise during the gift opening when the mother walked over to where my husband and I were standing, and informed us that when people bought a present for her one child it made life so much easier, and she'd appreciate it, if we brought a present for both children. The daughter's birthday was a good 8 months away, and we'd already given her a gift on her previous birthday (we were not told at her birthday that we should have broughtanything for her brother). It was extremely weird and I had to ask DH if it had really happened. He was in shock too.

We withdrew, and avoided events with the couple as often as possible over the next two years. A month ago they moved across the US. We didn't get any of them any going away presents...

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

I tell this story to illustrate the maturity level I associate with expecting gifts for extra children.

I used to watch two neighbor boys, 5 and 8, both generally very sweet.  However, the younger one was totally convinced that his brother had more birthdays than he did, and he threw a tantrum whenever his brother's birthday was mentioned.  I even sat down with the younger one and a calendar to show him the repeating pattern of months and years and where their birthdays were in the year.  It didn't matter.  He absolutely believed his brother had more birthdays than he did. 

His parents rewarded this behavior by always getting him gifts on his brother's birthday.  I did not. 

They moved away, so I don't know if the kid grew out of it.  I hope so.  It was barely tolerable behavior for a 5-year-old, not at all acceptable after that. 

[Twik]

I tell this story to illustrate the maturity level I associate with expecting gifts for extra children.

I used to watch two neighbor boys, 5 and 8, both generally very sweet.  However, the younger one was totally convinced that his brother had more birthdays than he did, and he threw a tantrum whenever his brother's birthday was mentioned.  I even sat down with the younger one and a calendar to show him the repeating pattern of months and years and where their birthdays were in the year.  It didn't matter.  He absolutely believed his brother had more birthdays than he did. 

His parents rewarded this behavior by always getting him gifts on his brother's birthday.  I did not. 

They moved away, so I don't know if the kid grew out of it.  I hope so.  It was barely tolerable behavior for a 5-year-old, not at all acceptable after that.

There would be something wonderfully daffy about a 35 year old who thinks his brother must be 70 by now.

I assume this is some sort of Piagetian issue, that the child was not at a stage where his brain could make the logical connections of "I have a birthday once a year. Therefore, my brother has a birthday once a year, even though mine was six months ago, and he's having one now."