And people wonder why their children are not well behaved...

[keelhaulrose]

Since I've been working with pre-school aged children, I've noticed that many parents could really care less if you tell them that their little angel has been hitting other children or throwing tantrums. In fact, many children do these things right in front of their parents, but get no discipline. And of course when out on home visits parents wonder why their kid is running wild. That's a subject I could go on for days about, but I'm posting because of a particular case that came up recently.
Part of my job capacity is to work one-on-one with a child with severe handicaps. This is so the child can do some of the basic things that many children can already do, like say their ABCs or count to ten, or even grasp a spoon. Well our preschool recently had parents in for a little time with their children (something that many parents seem to have the attitude that that's why they're at the preschool, to get away from them). One mother came in. Now this woman's child is somewhat of a classroom bully. They hit, shove, and manipulate to get what they want, which works on the other children and their mother, but not on the teachers and aides. When the child punched another child at this family time, the mother said that because she didn't see it, it didn't happen. Great attitude lady.
The parents of the child I'm working one-on-one with couldn't make it, so I was working on helping them keep their focus on the activities. The mother watched this for a few minutes, then interrupted the group to demand loudly that her child get a one-on-one aide as well. The teacher said that she'd discuss this at a later date with the mother, but the woman kept demanding, practically yelling about how it's not fair that someone else's child get's individual attention, and her's doesn't. She ranted for fifteen minutes, making it impossible to do the activity with the children and other parents, and she tried to get the other parents riled up enough to demand aides for their children as well.
Some parents... and she later wondered why her child threw a hissy and screaming fit when they didn't get what they wanted during free time...

[sammycat]

Sadly, I can believe every word of what you've written as I have witnessed very similar things myself, although demanding that each child have their own aide does kind of take the cake.

I have 2 children in primary school and have been involved with the school in a parent volunteer capacity since the older one started grade 1.  It never ceases to amaze me that the kids who are the worst behaved 95% of the time are the ones whose parents either never take an interest, except to complain to the school about perceived slights, or they allow their child/ren to run rampant.  Earlier this year I went on a field trip and had a boy in my group whom I'd never met before, and quite frankly, would like to have kept it that way.  He was just so badly behaved it was unbelievable.  Since then I have see him behave the same way right in front of his mother many times and she has never ONCE tried to discipline him.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's the students or the parents that cause more anguish for the teachers these days.

[Chocolate Cake]

I've run into this also, just as a parent whose child is in now middle school.  The kids who are constant trouble-makers in class and who receive D's and F's are almost always the ones whose parents never show up for P/T conference, don't supervise their kid's time and, if anyone ever complains about their child's behavior, will scream that their child couldn't possibly have done anything wrong.   We have one mother in our neighborhood whose two teenage boys have been rotten since they were old enough to walk/talk because of her apathy and neglect.  Of course, they NEVER do anything wrong...it's always someone else that is trying to unfairly point the finger at her "angels".   

I've got news for her:  Her angels are going to end up spending their life in prison because of her bad parenting.

[Alida]

It's very sad.  We're fortunate that this area seems to have an abnormally high percentage of parents participating in activities at schools. 

However, I do remember a friend of my daughter's (this friend is not a bad kid, but far from a good student) who came racing up to me and my husband at an event at school.  She wanted to be sure that he and I saw the project she had to show for the event. 

Neither of her parents could be bothered to make it - I KNOW her mother was home, too.  I felt so bad for that child.

[sammycat]

It's very sad.  We're fortunate that this area seems to have an abnormally high percentage of parents participating in activities at schools. 

However, I do remember a friend of my daughter's (this friend is not a bad kid, but far from a good student) who came racing up to me and my husband at an event at school.  She wanted to be sure that he and I saw the project she had to show for the event. 

Neither of her parents could be bothered to make it - I KNOW her mother was home, too.  I felt so bad for that child.

I know what you mean.  There are a few kids in my son's class who will come up to me now and show me their stuff, tell me their news or give me hugs etc.  I find it a bit embarrasing to tell the truth as I am NOT the teacher and shouldn't be given the reverence that they also give the teacher (they absolutely love her), nor should I be privvy to their personal lives.  Sometimes I think I spend far too much time in that classroom...

[blarg314]

It never ceases to amaze me that the kids who are the worst behaved 95% of the time are the ones whose parents either never take an interest, except to complain to the school about perceived slights, or they allow their child/ren to run rampant. 

Actually, that doesn't surprise me at all - quite often the kids are learning the behavior at home.

I remember my sister commenting once, at about age 18, that she used to wonder why people let their kids behave like that, but later realised that the parents acted like that too.

[sammycat]

[ quite often the kids are learning the behavior at home.

I remember my sister commenting once, at about age 18, that she used to wonder why people let their kids behave like that, but later realised that the parents acted like that too.
[/quote]

Very true.

[PoisonIvy]

I used to volunteer for Head Start when I was in high school.  I definitely noticed a correlation between the most ill-behaved children and the ones whose parents were constantly late picking their children up (sometimes nearly an hour late, with no phone call), or who would give the teacher a hard time when told that little Johnny had misbehaved that day.  There was this one child who was, in all honesty, a terror.  One day, he was the last child to be collected, and this extremely frustrated woman turned up about 45 minutes late to pick him up.  It turned out that she was actually his next door neighbor, and came to pick him up because his mother was passed out drunk at home AT 4.30 IN THE AFTERNOON.  Obviously there was a strict policy of not releasing a child to anyone except the parent unless by prior arrangement, but this had happened so many times that the teachers were used to seeing her come to collect this child.  I felt so bad for this poor kid, and it was definitely an eye-opener for me (I'd been a very sheltered 16-year-old from a well-to-do family).

[sammycat]

quote]his mother was passed out drunk at home AT 4.30 IN THE AFTERNOON

I joined a playgroup 9 1/2 years ago and it became apparent to some of the other mother's quite early in the piece that another mother had a drinking problem. I refused to believe it at first, till I saw it for my own eyes. Anyway, she would be quite drunk and ready to pass out at 9.30 in the MORNING! She has since sought help and overcome her addiction.  Yet somehow her child is one of the sweetest, nicest, smartest, well behaved children I have ever come across. I just hope this child doesn't decide to go wild as a teenager to make up for it.

[Alida]

I definitely noticed a correlation between the most ill-behaved children and the ones whose parents were constantly late picking their children up (sometimes nearly an hour late, with no phone call), or who would give the teacher a hard time when told that little Johnny had misbehaved that day. 

The one child whose parents are ALWAYS late - the pastor's kid.  Sweetest, nicest kid in the world.  Her parents are great, too, just thoughtless at times.  I know they don't want to leave their house to come get their child (usually after a party or sleepover here) when they're in the middle of dealing with a parishoner's problem, but all it takes is a phone call.  The rest who are like that, though?  I totally agree with that.  They are the kids who tend to be troubled

One child I always felt sorry for was a little girl in my Brownie troop.  We met at a local church and her uncle came to get her.  He reeked of alcohol and was swaying back and forth.  I hurried to call Council to find out if I had to release her to him and I was told I *had* to.  I never prayed so hard in my life as when he took that child home. 

I talked to Council again and told them that I would not do that again.  Thankfully, Uncle never came back to get her, it was her mother or grandmother after that.

[graceh9]

my daughter has worked with with kids in a variety of situations -- after school care, camps, science programs etc -- she says that for her the best correlation between behavior and another factor is shoes -- the kids with the expensive trendy trainers are generally the disrespectful ones -- and when she has had the pleasure of meeting their parents, they tend to be the demanding ones who don't want their kids disciplined and don't expect good behavior -- she attributes it to a general 'entitlement' culture in t hose homes -- 'nothing but the best and don't tell us what to do'

as she says 'Who spends $150 for shoes for their 8 year old?'

[Tabris]

Hey, orthopedic corrective shoes for 8 year olds could cost $150 easy! 

My stepfather teaches highschool. He had a kid once who he finally *told* in class, "If you keep this up, you're going to end up shooting someone someday and say, 'I dunno, the gun just went off.'"

The kid's mother came for her parent teacher conference, any my stepfather said, "Is **** on drugs?" When she reacted with confusion, he said, "Your kid is a holy terror. No one likes him. I don't know how to say this, but he acts like he's possessed." And then he produced all his documentation about the kid and the horrible things the kid had done. She was SHOCKED. She said no one had ever said anything like that about her kid before.

My stepfather asked the other teachers, who all laughed, and they told him they'd told the kid's mother the same thing.

About a year after the kid left that school, my brother was reading the paper and said, "Hey, didn't you used to teach a kid named F**** S*******?"  (That's how often we heard the kid's name at home--that we recognized it.)  My stepdad said yeah. "Well, he's in the paper."

Arrested. For murder. Shot his girlfriend.

He said, "I don't know what happened. We were fooling around, and the gun just went off."

Absolutely--I am absolutely not kidding. The guy's been in jail for over ten years now.

[Clara Bow]

Does this Phillistine have any idea how much it would cost her in tuition if each child got a private aide?? I think I would be quietly glad and thankful that my child didn't require such attention and move on. It's not like the other kids aren't being minded....
Horrid parents breed horrid kids. I think you should have to sign for your sex organs frankly. Some people should never breed....

[fklwmn]

my daughter has worked with with kids in a variety of situations -- after school care, camps, science programs etc -- she says that for her the best correlation between behavior and another factor is shoes -- the kids with the expensive trendy trainers are generally the disrespectful ones -- and when she has had the pleasure of meeting their parents, they tend to be the demanding ones who don't want their kids disciplined and don't expect good behavior -- she attributes it to a general 'entitlement' culture in t hose homes -- 'nothing but the best and don't tell us what to do'

as she says 'Who spends $150 for shoes for their 8 year old?'

O.M.G. this post SOOO made me laugh!!! Shoes are a never-ending battle with DS2's dad. He is forever asking why DS2's shoes aren't pristine. Why are they a payless brand and not Nikes? why does he only have ONE pair of tennis shoes and one pair of dress shoes? Where is his child support going if you're not buying him all these pairs of shoes?

I got REALLY tired of explaining to him that it's a waste of money to buy DS2 3 different pairs of tennis shoes b/c he only ever wants to wear the pair he REALLY likes and the others NEVER get worn and then are outgrown and that what shoes he wants to wear is not a battle I am going to fight. And he didn't seem to understand that it's not practical for a kid to have a pair of school shoes and a pair of play shoes when he goes directly from school to daycare, which is where he does his playing b/c I didn't pick him up until 6:30 on my way home from work. Or that, NO, I am not going to spend my time cleaning his shoes so they aren't dirty. They are shoes - they are SUPPOSED to be dirty! And your child support (on the irregular occasion that you actually PAY it!) goes to many things... not the least of which is feeding and clothing and providing a warm home for your son. You do NOT pay enough child support for me to  pay $50 or $100 for a pair of shoes that will only be worn for 3 - 4 months, tops!

*sigh* The last time he brought it up, I told him that it's obvious we have different priorities. His are putting his kids in expensive, name-brand shoes that they then aren't allowed to get dirty. Mine are taking a family vacation every year, taking the kids to the movies, getting them involved in sports. I reminded him that his son has NEVER done without or walked around in holey shoes or shoes that are too small and said that the next time he brought it up, I was never going to buy another pair of shoes and leave that up to him.

He hasn't complained since.

ETA: (this is the same man who will not keep any clothes at his house for his son - other than church clothes - yet, I cannot allow my son to take a backpack of clothes with him for the weekend b/c the backpack will come back empty and the clothes will NEVER get returned! He says since he pays child support, he should get to keep any clothes my son brings over there. He doesn't understand the concept that doing that means that eventually my son will not have any clothes at home where he lives 12 out of 14 days b/c his dad is keeping them all! And my poor son has to deal with his cr@p so much more than I do )

[freakyfemme]

Fklwmn, I'm so sorry you have to go through that.  Unfortunately, I'm not surprised, though, my parents have told me so many stories like that, about their divorce clients.  The worst is "weekend dads" who buy their kids puppies and kittens and Playstations that must be kept at their house, or worse, refusing to enforce any discipline whatsoever, in order to manipulate the kids into saying they want to live there full time.  I told my parents that maybe they should keep a closet full of fancy electronic toys on hand, to give to the mothers in these situations, for their kids, in order to even the score.