And people wonder why their children are not well behaved...

[Musicwoman]

As a teacher, nothing surprises me.  In this last year alone I have seen...

A 12-year old girl who told me I had no authority to tell her to do anything, because I am not related to her.

Another 12-year old girl who called my autistic son "a freak" to my face.

An 11-year old boy who is unwanted by both his divorced parents and their new spouses.  They are not actively cruel or neglectful, they just ignore him.  The only thing that gets their attention is a call from the school saying he's (insert bad behaviour here).  And of course, he has to keep escalating the severity of the bad behaviour as they get used to it.

A 7-year old boy who lives with his mother, her parents and her grandparents.  She has gleefully abdicated responsibility for him...trouble is, none of the other 4 adults in the house are picking it up.  Again, he is ignored unless he's causing trouble or making a noise.

An 8-year old boy who is new to the school.  His first (very angry) words to me were "My grandma says my mum takes drugs and Mum says she doesn't.  Who should I believe?"

I could go on but it's too depressing and the school year is now over, so I'm on holiday and don't have to worry at the moment.

Instances of actual criminal child abuse at my school are very, very rare.  Instances of lazy, incompetent and self-centred parenting are a daily occurance.  There are days when I wish there were re-homing places for children, the same way there are for stray cats and dogs.     

[abunce121]

  The worst is "weekend dads" who buy their kids puppies and kittens and Playstations that must be kept at their house, or worse, refusing to enforce any discipline whatsoever, in order to manipulate the kids into saying they want to live there full time. 

OTOH, my 13-year old stepdaughters (twins) will be getting a Nintendo Wii (and only that) for the holidays this year...and their mother (to whom my husband pays child support, and who now has a 2.5 year old boy and a 2 month old girl, different dads, neither of whom is really in the picture and both of whom give her $$ whenever they feel like it, which is not often) has already asked them if they will be bringing the Wii to her house if they get one.....b/c she wants to check it out.   And our answer was a firm "no".   

IF they get the Wii (which they will, they just don't know that of course) it will NOT be leaving our house.  We have been down that road in the past and amazingly, anything that goes to her house either never comes back, or comes back broken, pieces missing, etc.   She has no rules or discipline at her house....

Amazingly, she could play a Wii in her house right now if she really wanted to, since their 18.5 year-old half sister and her 22 year old BF bought one when it came out and are living with her.   Wonder why she wanted the twins to bring their hypothetical Wii over?

I'm sure we sound like the worst people in the world to her friends and coworkers....sometimes there's more to it than first meets the eye.

[kingsrings]

my daughter has worked with with kids in a variety of situations -- after school care, camps, science programs etc -- she says that for her the best correlation between behavior and another factor is shoes -- the kids with the expensive trendy trainers are generally the disrespectful ones -- and when she has had the pleasure of meeting their parents, they tend to be the demanding ones who don't want their kids disciplined and don't expect good behavior -- she attributes it to a general 'entitlement' culture in t hose homes -- 'nothing but the best and don't tell us what to do'

as she says 'Who spends $150 for shoes for their 8 year old?'

Right. I attended a high school with a lot of wealthy kids, and they were the ones who always were the worst-behaved, all because their rich parents bought them anything they wanted and never disciplined them. They were seriously out of control with their drugs, drinking, partying, and promiscous sex. It's been years since I've been in high school, and I wonder whatever became of these kids. Did they wise up, learn their lessons the hard way, or are they still the same spoiled brats? 

[sammycat]

To Musicwoman:  All I can say is WOW!!!   I think you must earn every penny of your paycheque. I just feel so sorry for some of those children but in other instancess my only sympathy is with the teacher.

[freakyfemme]

my daughter has worked with with kids in a variety of situations -- after school care, camps, science programs etc -- she says that for her the best correlation between behavior and another factor is shoes -- the kids with the expensive trendy trainers are generally the disrespectful ones -- and when she has had the pleasure of meeting their parents, they tend to be the demanding ones who don't want their kids disciplined and don't expect good behavior -- she attributes it to a general 'entitlement' culture in t hose homes -- 'nothing but the best and don't tell us what to do'

as she says 'Who spends $150 for shoes for their 8 year old?'

Right. I attended a high school with a lot of wealthy kids, and they were the ones who always were the worst-behaved, all because their rich parents bought them anything they wanted and never disciplined them. They were seriously out of control with their drugs, drinking, partying, and promiscous sex. It's been years since I've been in high school, and I wonder whatever became of these kids. Did they wise up, learn their lessons the hard way, or are they still the same spoiled brats? 

Hey, that's not always true.  When I was in high school, I wore Vans or Skechers, and I was nice to everyone, well-liked by my peers and (most) teachers, I was in band, band exec, student council, morning show, peer assisting, school newspaper, and I co-directed a play I'd written in OAC, and designed and helped paint the grad mural.  I'd often stay after school and into the evening for my activities, and during "spirit weeks," it wasn't uncommon for me to stay at school until eleven or so helping to clean up after a school dance, and then be back early the next morning helping to set up for the next day's event.  I also got reasonably good grades (mostly A's and B's), and earned at least one award each year (except grade nine, but I got my Bronze Cross in swimming that year).  So, all I'm saying is, "nice shoes" and "nice kid" aren't always mutually exclusive.  Actually, come to think of it, I still wear Vans and Skechers....except my Vans are a little stained from a mishap in painting class, lol.

[fklwmn]

Fklwmn, I'm so sorry you have to go through that.  Unfortunately, I'm not surprised, though, my parents have told me so many stories like that, about their divorce clients.  The worst is "weekend dads" who buy their kids puppies and kittens and Playstations that must be kept at their house, or worse, refusing to enforce any discipline whatsoever, in order to manipulate the kids into saying they want to live there full time.  I told my parents that maybe they should keep a closet full of fancy electronic toys on hand, to give to the mothers in these situations, for their kids, in order to even the score. 

Ha! no, you would be referring to DS1's dad there. Yep, he does all of those things. not just fancy electronics, but stuff I would never allow like 4 wheelers and dirtbikes and other (IMO) safety issues that DS1 thinks is SO cool. He refuses to enforce discipline and once when DS1 was in BIG trouble I told him "He is in huge trouble b/c of XXX. He is grounded. not TV, No radio, No video Games, No playing outside. I will send a book with him so he can read if he is bored." His Dad said "I'm sorry, I just can't enforce that. If you want him grounded then he will have to stay  home this weekend."

This is also the man who stated VERY publicly that his 4 year old son (with his now wife) is his favorite son. I heard about it from a waitress at a restaurant they frequent (yes, they take my son there too) who happened to have gone to high school with me. Then they tell my 12 year old son that HE can choose where he wants to live and if he wants to live with them it's fine. And of course every time my sin is in trouble at home he wants to go live with them.

I told him that he can't and it's not his decision. I said that there are numerous reasons that living with his dad is NOT a good situation for him, and they are reasons that he doe not need to know. When he DOES need to know them, he will understand them without anyone needing to exlain them to him. This, during a general discussion about how all of our rules are for a reason, even if we may not understand the reason we have to trust that there is one. Grrrr...

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

It's been years since I've been in high school, and I wonder whatever became of these kids. Did they wise up, learn their lessons the hard way, or are they still the same spoiled brats? 

I often look at the juvenile delinquents we have at our school and weep for the future. Yet, despite all this, most of them turn out okay.

I had a case many years back when there was this rather precocious boy who spoke to the teachers like they were his friends. He wasn't being rude; he spoke to his mother like that and it was just how he was. To some teachers, though, this was a hanging offence! "I'm going to punish him for every little thing," one teacher said to me, "because I don't like the way he talks to me." And most of the other teachers behaved the same. They didn't see that yes, his home background left something to be desired (his mother, I think, dealt drugs and his father wasn't in evidence), but that all he needed was some attention.

Unlike the other teachers, I treated him the same as all the other kids. I ignored his tone when he spoke to me because he couldn't help it. I just treated him one-on-one like I would any other child. Guess which was the only subject he passed? Hint: I teach English.

A few years later some teachers were talking about him and said, "Oh, I bet he's in jail or has gotten some girl pregnant." I said, "I'll take that bet."

A month ago I saw him. Working. At his job in a speciality shop in a mall. Dressed very smartly, working with customers. He told me he's doing great, lives just around the corner from that mall (which is in a RICH area) and is happy.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I went back to school and basically said, "HA!!"

I've had other similar instances. So it does give one a little bit of hope for the future.

[kingsrings]

You're so right. Not every bad kid grows up to be a bad adult. When I was growing up, there was a family with three kids, and all three kids in high school had very serious juvenile delinquency and truancy problems. Their parent's divorce was rough on them, and dad was an alcoholic. Fast-forward years later and all three kids are completey straightened out and leading decent lives, in fact the sister is in law enforcement, of all professions for someone who used to be on the other side of it! And the father has long been cleaned up and living a decent life. Sometimes bad stories have happy endings in these cases. I just wish I had an update on all the bad kids I knew, because I get sad thinking how troubled they were and hope that everything has turned around for the better for them.

[melodrama]

  The worst is "weekend dads" who buy their kids puppies and kittens and Playstations that must be kept at their house, or worse, refusing to enforce any discipline whatsoever, in order to manipulate the kids into saying they want to live there full time. 

OTOH, my 13-year old stepdaughters (twins) will be getting a Nintendo Wii (and only that) for the holidays this year...and their mother (to whom my husband pays child support, and who now has a 2.5 year old boy and a 2 month old girl, different dads, neither of whom is really in the picture and both of whom give her $$ whenever they feel like it, which is not often) has already asked them if they will be bringing the Wii to her house if they get one.....b/c she wants to check it out.   And our answer was a firm "no". 

Yep, my BF is in the same boat with his kids.  We only see them every other weekend, but his mom takes great joy in loading them up with extravagant presents.  2 years ago they got Gameboys.  They were allowed to take them to their mom's home and we never saw them again.  Every now and then his daughter would mention how far along her mom was on her Sims game.  Last year they got portable DVD players, and those stayed at our house.  They're still in perfect condition and the kids use them every single weekend we see them.  This year they're getting Nintendo DS's and I have a feeling those are staying with us, too.