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Author Topic: Offering to Pay  (Read 7014 times)

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Evil Duckie

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Re: Offering to Pay
« Reply #15 on: April 02, 2007, 07:16:25 PM »
In our family we don't do the pay dance. We have the policy that the one who invites is the one who pays. This had worked well because it gives the younger member a chance to learn about being the host.

It is a bit strange the first time your child takes you out to dinner and pays for it, but that is part of growing up.


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Re: Offering to Pay
« Reply #16 on: April 02, 2007, 08:36:06 PM »
Interesting topic.  It's always bothered me that I have never been allowed to pay for a meal with my dad if it's just the two of us.  With my mom, we usually took turns or split the bill, depending on our cash situations at the moment.  But my dad insists on paying, every time.  Just in the last few years, I've finally got him to let me leave the tip, at least.  But I do always offer to pay.  It just feels so lunky to sit there expecting him to grab the check even though I know he will.

I think he secretly likes that I offer, though.  One of the nicest things I ever heard was that he was overheard bragging to one of his friends that I have never ever *borrowed money from him since I became an adult.  Now you have to understand, my dad is one of those kinds of guys who can SHOW how loving he is, but was never much on verbal praise.  And he has NEVER been one to brag on his kids.  We knew he loved us and was proud of us by his gestures, but he's not the type to verbalize things.

*Not that there's anything wrong with borrowing money from parents- my brothers all have at some point, I know he was happy to help and they repaid him in full.  I think he just gets a kick out of the fact that he raised me to be pretty self sufficient and it took!  Not sure what the context of his "bragging" was since I wasn't actually there- maybe he was snarking on someone annoying who managed to raise Adult Age Leeches and was bragging about their possessions,  but that doesn't sound like his style.  Wish I'd have been a fly on the wall to know what the conversation really was.


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Re: Offering to Pay
« Reply #17 on: April 11, 2007, 10:50:12 AM »
My daughter and her boyfriend picked up the tab this weekend.  I offered.  She'd initiated the dinner.  However, I pay her cell phone and car insurance because I get the bill and because I can.  This is her way of leveling the field.
I love her dearly and she has always been very self sufficient.


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Re: Offering to Pay
« Reply #18 on: April 18, 2007, 12:59:44 PM »
My own family does a genteel dance of payment at the end of most meals.  I was raised with it, so I do it without thinking. 

However, my ex-husbands family turns paying into a sport.  Literally fighting over the check once it arrives at the table.  We would go out to dinner with one of his three uncles about once a week.  We were (extremely) poor at the time, but hubby was proud and wanted to pay, so I inadvertently escalated the "check dance" trying to get him what he wanted.  We were dining in a chain restaurant that I worked for during my college days, so I knew how their check system worked.  I excused myself to "get another drink from the bartender" (we were dining in the bar, being served by a cocktail server) and had her pull up our check and run my credit card.  Imagine the shock on uncle's faces when they asked the server for the check and she told them it had already been taken care of!  They turned to my husband and DEMANDED to know how he did it.  He looked at me, they couldn't believe a mere "girl" could have pulled one over on them.  (Their sexism is a whole other post!)  From then on, our dinners were ruined by guerrilla-check warfare.  Many poor server's (not even ours) were accosted to pull-up the check by uncles "going to the bathroom" or "getting change".  So tacky!