Casual hostessing...spinoff of 'guests cleaning up' thread

[ShadesOfGrey]

This is an spinoff of the 'guests cleaning up' thread.

Let me start with, I dont think it is rude if a guest doesnt offer to help, but I had a situation and I am wondering what people here would think.  I am totally open to all opinions, because, really these guys are my friends and at the end of the day, I dont mind cleaning up after them at all.  Now, when I go to someone's house, I always take my dishes to the sink, or throw away my napkins, even help clear the table - to be fair, they are generally casual events.  I never even considered that someone might not appreciate that, until I read the posts here, so I will be sure to take that into consideration for future events.  

Every so often I have a few friends over for a casual night in. Mostly ordering in, renting a movie and good conversation.  This is strictly a casual affair, often we are in sweats kind of thing. Now many times, they will bring their own X food to add to whatever we had delivered.  Is it rude if they dont throw their trash away? I find many times, at the end of the day they will have brought over a desert like ice cream that we finish, or a drink they purchased on their way over.  And they pretty much leave it where they had it when they were done with it (and we move rooms to watch a movie or chat) even if I try and clean up a bit before going to the other room.  

Again, I do very little to actually hostes, other than providing the 4 walls where we meet and making sure everyone is comfortalbe, so cleaning up after isnt a big deal at all for me.  But when I go to their houses for the same type of event, I always try to help clean up.  The only time I dont is when one of them is hostessing an actual party (with others not from our group invited) and even then I try to help serve and clear the table a bit.)

Thoughts?

[Chocolate Cake]

I'd have to say that leaving one's trash for someone else to pick up is rude no matter where one is.  It's rude if it's in a park.  It's rude if it's in a bookstore.  It's rude if it's in a hostess' home.    These kinds of people are usually called "slobs".

[gurliepainter]

I have had similar problems, rdge. I usually take it in stride and realize that some people were not raised to do things like pick up after themselves. that being said, I do not like it when a friend who comes over almost every day and practically lives at my house does not pick up after themself. To me, this is an insult on my hospitality and to my home. (It happenes more than I would care to admit since I am typically too nice to say anything.)

[Lisbeth]

My thoughts on this are that if you bring something to someone else's home or event to be consumed there, you are responsible for cleaning it up, or at least offering to help clean it up.

So, if you participate in a potluck, for example, you should at least clean up your own offering.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I have had similar problems, rdge. I usually take it in stride and realize that some people were not raised to do things like pick up after themselves. that being said, I do not like it when a friend who comes over almost every day and practically lives at my house does not pick up after themself. To me, this is an insult on my hospitality and to my home. (It happenes more than I would care to admit since I am typically too nice to say anything.)

gurliepainter, I agree.  But just like I thought that cleaning up after yourself when at someone's house is always polite (I never thought someone wouldnt want me in their kitchen until I read here), I thought maybe I was misinterpreting the idea that they should pick up after themselves. 

Either way, as I mentioned, while I think it is technically rude, I dont really have a problem with it, since it is such a small thing, imo.  Also, many times, they will help clear the table, or fold their blanket or something, so it all evens out in the end, I suppose, anyway.  Just curious as to what others thought. 

[blarg314]

It can help to make it easy for people to clean up after themselves.  Get a bin for recycling and a bin for garbage and set it somewhere visible, so people can throw stuff away as needed.  It can be awkward to go into someone's kitchen and root around looking for the garbage bin and the dish detergent and the recycling bins.

I often host casual get-togethers, and honestly prefer doing the cleanup myself.  I know where everything is and can efficiently sweep through, collecting recycling and draining half empty bottles, stacking cups, putting stuff back in the refrigerator, scraping plates.  If people help me to carry everything into the kitchen I end up having to pull everything out of the sink onto the stovetop (it's not a large kitchen), rinse and sort, pull beer bottles out of the garbage into the recycling bins (hidden on the back balcony), and spend twice the time on it.

However, I get left with the excess drinks and snacks, so I figure I come out even.

[megswsu]

I think that is rude to leave trash around. Even if your get togethers are casual. Trash is trash and one should clean up after oneself, especially in someone else's home.

As for cleaning up after yourself at other's houses, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much.    Taking your dish to the kitchen is generally acceptable, and if the host/ess doesn't want you doing that, then they should say something (politely of course). Even if they don't like it, unless they say something, they can't accuse you of being rude!