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Difficult Question

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Pixie:
Question, when a parent has lost a child, are they still a parent? 

I  ask because years ago, my only biological child was stillborn.  About 10 years later my husband and I were discussing our plans for Mother's Day with another couple.  The Husband looked at me and said, "YOU can't celebrate Mother's Day, you're not a mother."

This hurt me on many levels, one it reminded me that I would never have a biological child. Two, this couple had a 4 year old child, so it was kind of rubbing it in my face that their child was healthy while mine was dead. Three, it was just a very hateful thing to say.

So, am I a mother or not?  I know I am now as we have adopted 3 beautiful children, but.... am I still my son's mother?   Any thoughts?

Alida:
Yes, I think a woman who has lost a child is still a parent.

{{{Pixie}}}

ShadesOfGrey:
I am appalled that someone would say this to you. 

I am so sorry that you did not have the benefit of spending many, many years with your child, and I wish you the best with your family. 

This man should be very, very sorry that he said those words. 

Cydrius:
Wow. How uncaring. rude, foot-in-mouth, mean-hearted and stupid was that? I would probably have eploded in insults at this man...

Of course you are still your son's mother. ^^

sammycat:
I am so sorry about the loss of your son, and that you had to hear something like that.  Yes, you still are his mother. 

What that man said was very cruel and unnecessary (and untrue).  Are you still in contact with these poeple?

Last year a close friend of mine lost her 3rd child at the age of 1 month old.  I still consider her to be a mother of 3 but she has said so many people refuse to acknowlegde that her baby even existed let alone was "worth" grieving over as she was so young, especially as she never left the hospital.  I find that attitude to be abhorent, as any baby born, whether it's alive, stillborn or dies at a very young age still makes you a parent IMHO.

12 years ago I lost my first pregnancy as it was ectopic. A few weeks later I was at a function when a woman I hardly knew but didn't like anyway told me I had better start having children soon.  I was so hurt and wish that I had said to her that it wasn't as though I wasn't TRYING, just to see if it would have wiped the smug look off her face.  She had 4 kids and they were the worst behaved children there.  Apples didn't fall far from the tree.

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