Difficult Question

[wetblanket]

Yes, even if you had not adopted children, I would still consider you a mother.

[wetblanket]

And what that man said was VERY rude.

[Brentwood]

You are absolutely still your son's mother.

Sending you a big hug.

[Pixie]

I could have sworn I had already replied, but I cannot find it, so....

Thank you all so much for your replies and your support.  I am so happy to report that we no longer socialize with the Idiot or his family.  There were many such comments made in the 14 years we knew them, but finally last year my husband had just had enough and I no longer have to suffer their company.

Just for laughs, a few things the wife has said:
1. She called my oldest daughter ugly when I showed off her senior pictures.
2. She called my middle daughter "strange" because she's athletic.
3. She called my son "spoiled" and a brat, although she had NEVER MET HIM!
4. She also said I couldn't possibly understand the love she has for her son, because I'm "not a mother"  Yes, she knew about my first son, and knew about our 3 adopted children when she said this.
5. She said that I hate all children, simply because I do not wish to be around her spoiled rotten little "Pookie"   My kids found that comment hilarious! They thought it was even funnier when her husband said the same thing.

6, I am a terrible hostess because I asked her "Pookie" to remove his muddy shoes from my new sofa.
7. My husband should divorce me because I'm fat and ugly.
8. My children are well-behaved due to "good bloodlines" from their birth parents..... they must have been German.
9. Her "Pookie" had every right to go into my bedroom and go through my nightstand drawer and my underwear because that's how things are done in Germany (We lived in Idaho) and I was petty for being offended.
10. I will just never understand real etiquette because I am American and ALL Americans are rude. Yes, She was born and raised in Germany, but has lived in the US for 20 years with her American husband.
  11. She also refuses to speak to her husband's family, and does not allow them to see or speak to her (and her husband's) son, as they don't speak German, and have not taken the time to learn her language.

I am so glad my husband has finally seen the light and I no longer need to spend time with these "friends".

[Bob Ducca]

8. My children are well-behaved due to "good bloodlines" from their birth parents..... they must have been German.
9. Her "Pookie" had every right to go into my bedroom and go through my nightstand drawer and my underwear because that's how things are done in Germany (We lived in Idaho) and I was petty for being offended.
10. I will just never understand real etiquette because I am American and ALL Americans are rude. Yes, She was born and raised in Germany, but has lived in the US for 20 years with her American husband.  11. She also refuses to speak to her husband's family, and does not allow them to see or speak to her (and her husband's) son, as they don't speak German, and have not taken the time to learn her language.

My SIL is German and we hear most of those things from her pretty frequently.  She is very difficult to be around because she doesn't consider anything SHE says to be rude, but almost everything I say or do is.  For those who remember my post about drinking at my wedding, she was the one with the bottle of booze in the parking lot, claiming she wouldn't come to my reception because I was "rude enough" not to serve alcohol at my 10:00 am wedding.

Edited to add: I don't want to come across as implying that SIL is rude BECAUSE she is German...she is rude and she is German.  It was a strange coincidence, because as I was reading the OP I thought, "That sounds like something SIL would say," and then when I learned the horrid woman was German, it startled me.  SIL is just one of those people who believes that courtesy is something that isn't "natural" so she only does it for the people who "matter," and those people live in every country in the world!

Hope no one was offended. 

[Lisbeth]

I think that if you have ever in your lifetime been a parent (and that includes the parent of adopted children), you are a parent forever.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

That man was a jerk. 

[sammycat]

In view of the comments you have just added about the Idiot and his even more iditioc wife, I have to ask in all seriousness - are they mentally disturbed? Their comments defy belief.

[MsEva]

9. Her "Pookie" had every right to go into my bedroom and go through my nightstand drawer and my underwear because that's how things are done in Germany (We lived in Idaho) and I was petty for being offended.
10. I will just never understand real etiquette because I am American and ALL Americans are rude. Yes, She was born and raised in Germany, but has lived in the US for 20 years with her American husband.  11. She also refuses to speak to her husband's family, and does not allow them to see or speak to her (and her husband's) son, as they don't speak German, and have not taken the time to learn her language.

I am so glad my husband has finally seen the light and I no longer need to spend time with these "friends".

OK...first and foremost I am so sorry about the loss of your son. You were, are, and always will be his mother. You are as much of a mother to him and your other children as your mother was to you.

Second...I would love to know what part of Germany this woman is from. My mother, aunt, and a couple of cousins that live here were born and raised in Germany. I'm pretty sure that they would rather scratch their own eyes out than raid other people's private belongings. They also do not make blanket statements about Americans. As a matter of fact, they are all now US citizens. That shows where their loyalties lie.

Third...These people sound like horrid wastes of oxygen and I am glad that your DH finally saw the light so you are not subjected to such cruelty and ignorance any more.

[Pixie]

9. Her "Pookie" had every right to go into my bedroom and go through my nightstand drawer and my underwear because that's how things are done in Germany (We lived in Idaho) and I was petty for being offended.
10. I will just never understand real etiquette because I am American and ALL Americans are rude. Yes, She was born and raised in Germany, but has lived in the US for 20 years with her American husband.  11. She also refuses to speak to her husband's family, and does not allow them to see or speak to her (and her husband's) son, as they don't speak German, and have not taken the time to learn her language.

I am so glad my husband has finally seen the light and I no longer need to spend time with these "friends".

OK...first and foremost I am so sorry about the loss of your son. You were, are, and always will be his mother. You are as much of a mother to him and your other children as your mother was to you.

Second...I would love to know what part of Germany this woman is from. My mother, aunt, and a couple of cousins that live here were born and raised in Germany. I'm pretty sure that they would rather scratch their own eyes out than raid other people's private belongings. They also do not make blanket statements about Americans. As a matter of fact, they are all now US citizens. That shows where their loyalties lie.

Third...These people sound like horrid wastes of oxygen and I am glad that your DH finally saw the light so you are not subjected to such cruelty and ignorance any more.

I want to assure everyone that I don't think all German people are like her. I have heard many people praise how wonderfully they were treated while they were in Germany, and how sweet, kind and thoughtful the German people are.    This particular woman would have been a B-word no matter where she was born. Its just who she is, and I don't think it has anything to do with location.  She and I never got along, but I put up with her insults for years because I didn't want to seem petty and our husbands were good friends.  But no more.... I am not a doormat, I am an adult female with a mind of my own.

I will no longer put up with being treated as "less" especially not in my own home.   I found a backbone, and I like it. Too bad I didn't find it 15 years ago.

[cocacola35]

I echo what everyone else on this board has said.  You are most definately a mother to your baby and your three precious children.  That man was a complete idiot who needed to be kicked in the teeth for saying something so horrible.  I'm glad these "people" are out of your life.  Why waste your time being around such toxic behavior?

He and his horrible wife deserve each other and one day, being as stupid as they seem, they will wonder why they don't have any friends.