Author Topic: Meeting my child's friends parents  (Read 3038 times)

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jener8tor

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Meeting my child's friends parents
« on: February 26, 2007, 01:15:48 PM »
The parents of one of my son's friends has invited my family over this evening for dessert, which will be a get-to-know you meeting. I would like to bring something, however, don't have a clue and feel uncomfortable asking. Any ideas would be appreciated !!

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2007, 01:26:33 PM »
Bring something that you would like to receive if you were the hostess:  a bottle of wine or a framed picture of the two kids.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2007, 01:37:26 PM »
What about a package of nice coffee/tea/hot chocolate?

DottyG

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2007, 03:45:12 PM »
Bring something that you would like to receive if you were the hostess:  a bottle of wine or a framed picture of the two kids.

Don't take wine as a hostess gift unless you are absolutely sure they drink.  Not only could it be a waste of money, it could be offensive to some people.

I'd stick with things like the tea/chocolate/flowers that another poster mentioned.  Alcohol is always iffy if you don't know the person.


Lisbeth

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2007, 03:49:04 PM »
Maybe a gift certificate or coupon for something they can do with the kids?
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lkl492

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2007, 05:53:04 PM »
Bring something that you would like to receive if you were the hostess:  a bottle of wine or a framed picture of the two kids.

Don't take wine as a hostess gift unless you are absolutely sure they drink.  Not only could it be a waste of money, it could be offensive to some people.

I'd stick with things like the tea/chocolate/flowers that another poster mentioned.  Alcohol is always iffy if you don't know the person.



That's a good thought.  People tend to default to taking wine, but it could be awkward if someone is, say, a recovering alcoholic.  That would make me feel horrible to have put someone in that awkward position.

Sterling

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2007, 02:40:39 PM »
Also if they really look down on drinking they may take that as a reason to dislike you and cause your child problems with having his friend over.

Try an inexpensive potted plant or a plate of cookies for the children.
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Chocolate Cake

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2007, 02:53:14 PM »
Assuming that this is an opportunity for you to evaluate them as well, you'd learn something very valuable about them if they freaked out about a bottle of wine.

DottyG

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2007, 03:10:18 PM »
Assuming that this is an opportunity for you to evaluate them as well, you'd learn something very valuable about them if they freaked out about a bottle of wine.

They may not "freak out" at the gift.  They may do the gracious thing and accept it with a smile and a "thank you" and then wonder privately why you'd be so rude as to bring something like that into their home.

There are many reasons why a bottle of alcohol is a bad gift for someone you don't know.  Many have already been mentioned in this thread.  Why would you risk upsetting (even privately - not "freaking out" over it) someone who's a recovering alcoholic, had a loved one die due to drunk driving, has moral or religious reasons for not wanting it in the home, etc?

I'm disturbed by your assumption that it's ok to do something to judge another person because you want to test them to see if they "freak out" over your gift.  Personally, I'd rather do one of the millions of other things that don't have possible bad connotations to them as a gift.  My goal in meeting a new person isn't to see if they react violently to a gift I give them.  Perhaps you prefer setting up traps for new friends?  That's odd, but maybe there are some who think it's acceptable???


MsEva

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2007, 03:46:17 PM »
Assuming that this is an opportunity for you to evaluate them as well, you'd learn something very valuable about them if they freaked out about a bottle of wine.

They may not "freak out" at the gift.  They may do the gracious thing and accept it with a smile and a "thank you" and then wonder privately why you'd be so rude as to bring something like that into their home.

There are many reasons why a bottle of alcohol is a bad gift for someone you don't know.  Many have already been mentioned in this thread.  Why would you risk upsetting (even privately - not "freaking out" over it) someone who's a recovering alcoholic, had a loved one die due to drunk driving, has moral or religious reasons for not wanting it in the home, etc?

I'm disturbed by your assumption that it's ok to do something to judge another person because you want to test them to see if they "freak out" over your gift.  Personally, I'd rather do one of the millions of other things that don't have possible bad connotations to them as a gift.  My goal in meeting a new person isn't to see if they react violently to a gift I give them.  Perhaps you prefer setting up traps for new friends?  That's odd, but maybe there are some who think it's acceptable???



I don't think it is being suggested that the main point of giving a gift is to test someone. However, when meeting someone for the first time everything that happens at that meeting is used to some extent to form a judgement of the other person. This is just how friendships do or do not happen.

It can also be said that the person giving the wine would be judged by the recipiants. I would not want to be friends with someone that could not be polite accepting a token gift. I also would not want my young child to get too close to another child whose parents are polar opposites of DH and me.

Until my child is old enough to understand certain things, I will always judge the parents since there could be times where my child would play at their house with them in charge. I will not let someone watch my child if I think they are the least bit "off". I also expect and welcome such judgement by other parents.

FWIW, any gift could be considered a "bad gift" given the right circumstances. And anyone that doesn't want wine can send it my way  ;D

DottyG

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2007, 03:56:12 PM »
I also would not want my young child to get too close to another child whose parents are polar opposites of DH and me.

I will not let someone watch my child if I think they are the least bit "off".

I'm not sure I'm understanding your meaning, so I want to make sure I'm clarifying.  I don't want to assume you're saying something you're not.

If, for instance, this family was of a denomination (ie, Baptist, for instance) that doesn't believe in having alcohol in the home (and, I AM generalizing - I am fully aware that this is not an across-the-board thing in the denomination), you would not allow your child to associate with this family based on that?

Or, perhaps this family's [some relation] was killed by a drunk driver, so they really have a problem with alcohol in the home, you would consider them "off"?

I think I'm misreading your post, so I want to make sure.


annabellelee

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2007, 04:06:05 PM »
When in doubt.....flowers.

MsEva

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #12 on: February 27, 2007, 04:15:37 PM »
I also would not want my young child to get too close to another child whose parents are polar opposites of DH and me.

I will not let someone watch my child if I think they are the least bit "off".

I'm not sure I'm understanding your meaning, so I want to make sure I'm clarifying.  I don't want to assume you're saying something you're not.

If, for instance, this family was of a denomination (ie, Baptist, for instance) that doesn't believe in having alcohol in the home (and, I AM generalizing - I am fully aware that this is not an across-the-board thing in the denomination), you would not allow your child to associate with this family based on that?

Or, perhaps this family's [some relation] was killed by a drunk driver, so they really have a problem with alcohol in the home, you would consider them "off"?

I think I'm misreading your post, so I want to make sure.



You are misreading me  :)

I'm speaking about how someone would react to my gift. If they cannot manage a polite "thank you" then I would probably consider them a bit "off".

I have no problem if someone chooses not to drink alcohol, eat meat, wear purple, or whatever. I really don't even need to know why they make their choices. I would have a problem if someone took what was an innocent gift on my part and purposely tried to make me feel bad about it. That is just weird to me and I wouldn't have to want to deal with that.

I would have no problem if, down the road, they let me know what their likes and dislikes are (as long as they do not reference the gift). I would be sure to never give them such a gift again.

I believe that it is my duty as a parent to raise my child in a way that is beneficial for her growth. Sometimes that means keeping her away from certain people (say parents whose young children can quote the "Scary Movie" series). Sometimes it means being sure I am able to supervise her play. Sometimes it means not letting her go to certain homes that may believe DH and I will burn eternally for whatever reason.

Parents must judge for their children until the children are old enough to judge for themselves.  

MsEva

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2007, 04:16:06 PM »
When in doubt.....flowers.

Severe allergies  >:D

DottyG

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Re: Meeting my child's friends parents
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2007, 04:25:35 PM »
I'm speaking about how someone would react to my gift. If they cannot manage a polite "thank you" then I would probably consider them a bit "off".

Precisely what I said when I stated, "do the gracious thing and accept it with a smile and a 'thank you'" in my post.